Falling for My Dirty Uncle

So, to start…the President is single again!!! Yay!! It turns out that Mr. President is really just Mr. Fake Fiancé. At least that’s what the offices of Speaker of the House Bob Walker are stating. To quote the Speaker in his televised address, “I have irrefutable proof that the President of the United States hired Ms. Draper with the express intention of pretending to be his fiancée for the purposes of publicity. The whole operation was a political PR job. With no goal other than to deceive the American people.”

If that sounds a bit harsh, the Speaker went on to get even harsher. “Ms. Draper received no vetting from the government. She was not cleared for any sensitive information. And in her prior dealings, she has rubbed shoulders with many people who work for institutions and states that could be hostile to the interests of the United States. It’s entirely possible that Ms. Draper traded sexual favors to a President who is known to like sexual favors for information that she might not have gotten otherwise.”

Did that sound like he was accusing Ashley Draper, the woman we thought would be our future First Lady? Here is what the Speaker of the House went on to say.

“Let me be very, very, clear. I am accusing the woman that we know as Ashley Draper as being a spy. I don’t know for what government or institution, but it’s clear that she is in the White House, just moments away from the nuclear launch codes under false pretenses.”

You think that’s bad?

Wait till what the Speaker of the House had to say today.

“It’s come to my knowledge that Ms. Draper deals in the trading of information and embarrassing secrets. She entraps people into embarrassing situations. My staff was able to dig this out. It’s now clear to me that our President is being extorted by Ms. Draper into selling state secrets. This redoubles my calls for impeachment and imprisonment of this President due to his unfitness to serve the highest office of the land.”

Speaker of the House Bob Walker. Fierce opponent of Austin Bain. Calling for his impeachment. And it seemed just the other day the country was getting ready for a White House wedding. Now we might be getting ready for a White House jailing.

Not to be outdone, the White House has responded to the charges that Bob Walker has made. But it’s odd, because they’ve just had one message.

“The President will address the nation. Tonight,” commented Press Secretary Cheryl Maddox.

I was supposed to go to CrossFit. But this is the perfect excuse to miss it. It’s going to be an interesting evening, that’s for sure.

Ashley

“What’s gotten into him?” I ask Tracy as we walk down a corridor at a brisk pace, heading toward the conference room.

“No idea,” she shrugs, trying to appear calm and in control, but I know that she’s a wreck underneath her professional demeanor. Against his own advice, Austin has decided to hold a press conference, and he hasn’t even told Tracy a word of what he’s going to be saying. Maybe all this stress has gotten the best of him. And if that’s what’s happening … well, then, we’re all fucked. But it’s not like we can stop him; he’s the President of the United States, after all, and when the President wants something, he usually gets it.

Even if that’s a press conference that might dictate his own impeachment

I know what you’re thinking; what am I doing back at the White House, right? After the heated exchange of words between Austin and I, I was on the verge of leaving for good. And I did. Went back to my apartment for the night. But a deal is a deal, and I’ve never backed out of one. And I’m not going to start now. And, besides, despite how much of an asshole he was toward me… I still believe that he’s the right man to be leading this country.

“Thing is,” Tracy tells me, stopping before we enter the wing of the White House opens to the reporters, “a bug was found in the Oval Office. Just like you said. And it’s as clear as water that Walker is the one behind it. There’s a forensics team up there as we speak.”

“Maybe he plans to use that as leverage against Walker?”

“If that were the case, I doubt he’d call a press conference. He’d do it behind closed doors.”

“Well, let’s hope he has a plan then,” I whisper as I step with Tracy inside the conference room, taking our seats on an area cordoned by the Secret Service. The room is completely packed with the White House press corps, and the mood is one of nervousness and excitement. Whatever Austin says at this press conference, history will be made—one way or another.

“He’s late,” I tell Tracy as I look down at my wristwatch. My heart aches as I remember the first time I saw Austin, back when I was being briefed on what my job would be; but this time the mood is a sour one, and no intern joke finds its way to my lips. Tracy opens her mouth to respond but then closes it again as Austin strolls inside the room by a side entrance, buttoning his jacket as he assumes his position behind the podium.

“Good evening, everyone,” he says into the mic, his gaze wandering over every single person in the room. His voice is deep and serious and, for the first time, he has adopted a presidential posture that would make George Washington proud. “Ever since I assumed the Presidency, the press has been obsessed with my personal life. With this new allegation that the Speaker of the House has made against me, I think it’s time I finally address all that has been said. Bob Walker was correct: Ashley was brought on board as my fake fiancée.”

His words hit the room like a nuclear bomb and, before he’s bombarded with a thousand questions, he raises one hand up in the air, calming everyone down. It isn’t that hard: everyone’s too stunned to do anything, and that includes me.

“It’s time this country knows the truth. I owe it to all of the Americans who have put their trust in me.” Pausing for a couple of seconds, as if gathering his thoughts, he then continues. “Despite what I’ve told you, I’ve broken no laws. No crime was committed; Ashley wasn’t given access to any classified information. But, yes, I’ll admit this whole ruse was an ill conceived plan, and the country deserves better of me.”

“The Speaker of the House is, however, trying to use this mistake against me. And he’s doing it in such a way that proves he’s the wrong person to hold the Presidency. As we speak, a special forensics team is investigating Bob Walker and it seems like a foregone conclusion that the Speaker of the House was involved in illegal wiretapping.”

This time, there’s a slight oh of surprise washing over everyone in the room. The President is revealing that his fiancée is fake, the Speaker of the House is involved in wiretapping—what’s happening with this country?

“I take full responsibility for my mistakes,” Austin continues, his presidential tone demanding the attention of everyone in the room. “But I also want to take responsibility for the good I’ve done. Under my presidency, the nation is better off than it's ever been. Public funding has improved, our ill-conceived involvement with foreign states has been reduced, and unemployment is at an all-time low. During the past decade, the world has looked at the United States as an empire too big for its own good, but now the tide is turning. The world is, once again, looking up at us as a role model, capable of leading by example instead of by force.”

“HELL YEAH!” someone shouts from the back of the room, and I turn back to see that the shout came from one of the reporters. He’s on his feet, ready to applaud Austin, but then realizes that everyone is looking at him and he sinks down onto his seat, embarrassed.

“Sure, my methods might be unconventional. I don’t care about what’s politically correct; I care about results. I care about making this country greater than it has ever been. And this is why Americans all over the country voted for me because they want results. They want things to be better… and things are better. And they will keep on getting better.”

With that, he falls into a deep silence, his gaze wandering over the room with a kind of poised confidence. I half-expect the room to erupt with a million questions but, instead, every just stays silent, allowing everything that Austin has said to sink in.