Make Me Yours

Her lips press together and she nods, taking the envelope from me. “I’ll be here Monday morning to take her to preschool.”

“I can take her in the mornings. What if you pick her up and stay with her during the afternoons until dinner?”

She lifts her chin and our eyes meet. Our chemistry is still alive, but it’s tantalizing pain, like the promise of something I desperately want held just out of reach.

“I’m doing half the work. You should adjust my pay to reflect that.”

“Whatever makes you comfortable.”

It’s our last exchange before she’s gone. I scoop up my daughter, and she lays her head on my shoulder, squeezing the striped stress ball I found in one of my drawers.

“Feeling stressed-out, peanut?”

“Why did Ruby have to go?”

“She felt like it would be better for all of us if she didn’t live here anymore.”

Lillie lifts her head and looks me in the eyes. “I don’t think it’s better for me if she’s not here anymore. Do you think it’s better?”

“No, princess. I don’t think it’s better at all.”

My daughter wiggles to get down, and I set her on her feet. She walks slowly with her little shoulders slumped to the patio, and I climb the flight of stairs to my office with the same posture. This big ole house feels too huge, too empty now.

Eleanor left on Friday. I would feel guilty about it, but she moved quickly into the condo I secured for her. I almost feel like she expected it. Or she welcomed it. I don’t really care.

I’ve communicated briefly with her on her requests to see Lillie. I’m furious at her, but I don’t want to hurt my daughter. So far, I agreed she can pick Lillie up for church tomorrow morning. I don’t feel much like attending.

Standing in front of my computer I see unread emails from Stellan. A few more emails wait from Stephen and a rising entrepreneur he thinks I should meet. I hover my mouse over them and think about work and why I’m doing all of this.

All these feelings and things I want to say to Ruby churn in my stomach. It all came to a head this past week.

She’s not interested in my money. She’s not interested in what I can give her. She likes me for me, and we have so much fun together. She makes me feel alive. I feel like I can trust her—not to mention how much I love seeing her with my daughter.

Picking up my phone, I tap the face of my old friend.

“Hastings here.” He speaks through an exhale.

“I have a situation and I need a sounding board.”

“Something happen with Stellan?” A tone enters his voice. “That kid was totally onboard the last time I talked to him. If you did something to piss him off—”

“It’s not about Stellan. It’s… personal.”

“I don’t do personal.”

“You’ll do it for me. I’m pissed and I’m tired and I feel fucking powerless.”

“You are never powerless. If something appears out of your control, you need to step back and reframe the situation.” He speaks like some old guru. “Unless it’s a woman. Then you’re probably powerless.”

“Ruby left me.”

He’s quiet a beat. “And?”

“That’s it. She packed up all her things and moved out this morning. Just like that.” I’m pacing my office, snatching up a stress ball and squeezing the shit out of it.

“Did she say why?”

“Some bitches at the preschool made a crack about her attending the gala with me. It made her feel like I was paying her… for her time.”