She dug her phone out of the pocket of her jeans and opened the text. It was from her friend Savonna. She tried not to allow disappointment to eat at her. She shouldn’t even be thinking about Lucas.
Saw Lucas at club last night. Where were U?
For a long moment, Ren stared at the text, battling her reaction to it. Then, slowly, she blanked the screen and put the phone aside, not replying to the question. What could she say anyway? Lucas is moving on so he hooked me up with another guy. Yeah, like that wasn’t twisted.
It took all of her discipline not to text back and ask Savonna if Lucas had been there with another woman. The simple truth was there were some questions you didn’t want to know the answer to.
She picked up her pencil. A soft lavender she’d intended to touch up the morning sky over the lake in one of her drawings. It shook in her hand and doubt crowded into her mind despite her best effort not to dwell on Lucas.
Give yourself a break, Ren. No one in the world would be over a break up in a few days, no matter that they had this gorgeous, hunky, beautiful man to turn to.
But still she wished there was a switch that she could just flip and turn it all off. The doubt, the fear, the worry and the sadness.
The pencil dropped from clumsy fingers onto the open journal and the drawing of two young children sitting on a dock, feet in the water, watching as the sun rose higher in the sky.
Idly she turned back the pages, going back through the story, studying each of the drawings and the simple story of childhood in all its innocence.
Tears gathered as realization hit her. Maybe it had been in her subconscious all along but she’d never seen it until now. This was so much the story of her and Cole. Happier days. The sweetness of first love and the sadness that accompanied that first good-bye.
Even before she’d seen Cole again, she’d channeled those memories into this book. Perhaps it was her way of letting go. Only now he was back in her life. Why couldn’t she have met him again a year ago when she was coming off her relationship with Grant? There were no obstacles, no barriers, nothing at all to get in the way of their reunion.
She dropped her head as she slowly and carefully closed the journal. There would be no work done today. Instead she reached for her artist pad, opened it to a blank page and then chose the black charcoal pencil from the jar.
* * *
Cole checked his watch and then turned in the direction of the sunroom. He’d waited as long as possible. He hadn’t wanted to part with Ren even for a few hours to give her time to work. He’d busied himself with phone calls and catching up on e-mail, but his concentration was shot.
After sending an e-mail to the wrong person, he’d given up trying to go through the motions of work at all.
He paused at the doorway, watching as Ren bent over, pencil in hand, her face creased with concentration. Her bottom lip was sucked between her teeth and she scraped absently with her top teeth as she stared down at her creation.
She was dressed in nothing more fancy than a faded pair of blue jeans and a cropped white tank that bared a portion of her back where her tattoo snaked up her spine.
But the contrast of her dusky skin against the white of her shirt coupled with the jet black tresses of her hair made him want to peel her clothing right off her so he could run his hands and mouth over that beautiful flesh.
It was a hell of a note when a man’s life changed in the space of a few moments over a chance meeting. He wasn’t one to fight the inevitable, and he knew without a doubt that Ren was a big part of his future. The only part that mattered.
Nothing else in life had come easy to him. No reason this should either.
“Ren. ”
He waited a moment and then realized she hadn’t heard him. She was hunched over her drawing, her hand moving in quick, jerky motions.
He walked toward her, curious as to what she was laboring so hard over. As he neared, he could see that the drawing was black and white and was of a woman sitting on a rock staring out to sea. On the right, immersed in an incoming wave was what appeared to be a sea serpent with long, jagged teeth. It should appear menacing, but there was simple beauty in the creature.
To the left, a dragon with wings outstretched was coming in to land atop a rolling wave. Both creatures were focused on the woman and yet she stared beyond them both, almost as if she wasn’t aware of their existence.
“Interesting,” he said over her shoulder.
She bolted upward, jerking around in her seat. Pencils scattered in every direction and the paper drifted to the floor.
“Sorry. I didn’t mean to startle you. I called to you from the door but you didn’t hear me. ”
For a moment she looked bewildered and then she surveyed the mess with a grimace.
“I’ll get them. Just sit for a minute,” he said.
He bent quickly to gather up the pencils, but when he went to put them back in the cup she wrested them from his hand and began sorting the colors, frowning in concentration as she manipulated them.
He studied her for a few seconds and then knelt to carefully pick up the drawing. When he rose, she took the paper and smoothed it over her desk, her fingers running lightly over the woman in the picture.
“Hey, are you okay?” he asked gently.
She tilted her head to look back up at him and smiled, her eyes a little clearer than they’d been a minute ago. “Yes, of course. I just get caught up in what I’m doing. I’m not the most aware person in the world. I didn’t mean to seem ungrateful for the help. I just like things a certain way. ”
He smiled back at her. “You always did. ”
She frowned pensively a moment. “I guess I did, didn’t I?”
Privately, Cole had always thought that she had borderline OCD. She wasn’t extreme but she did like things a certain way, in a certain order and she was always happiest when she was settled in a routine that she didn’t deviate from.
He’d known this about her early on and he had his own theories about why, but they’d been just that. Theories.
Her parents had been strict but at the same time, they were flighty, unorganized people. Morally, they were strict and they kept a very tight leash on Ren, seeking to protect her from “moral corruption. ”
But in every other aspect of their lives, they’d lacked discipline and structure. There were no rules in the house. It was never tidy. They were habitually late for everything, a fact that pained Ren, who liked to be early and if she was late, she’d just as likely not even go.
It was another reason that Cole had been so afraid that he’d taken over Ren’s life and made her into something she wasn’t. He’d provided structure and discipline to a young girl who desperately wanted and needed both. He’d always been secretly afraid that she’d wake up one day and decide that he was just a crutch and nothing more.
Just another of the many mistakes he’d made as a young man. Why fate was giving him a second chance, he didn’t know, but he wasn’t looking a gift horse in the mouth.
“You ready for lunch? Thought we’d go for something casual. ”
“Define casual. ”
“As in what you’re wearing is just fine and it’s all purpose so you’re guaranteed to find something you’ll like on the menu. ”
She smiled and hopped down from her stool. “Sounds good to me. ”
He drew her into his arms, just wanting to hold her for a minute. She seemed a little …fragile. Maybe just a bit off today. There was something in her eyes that gave him pause.
She wrapped her slim arms around his waist and laid her head against his chest. She squeezed tight and he returned her affectionate hug, brushing his lips over the top of her glossy hair.
I love you. I’ve always loved you.
He wanted to say it so badly. The words burned his lips, but he held them back because it didn’t feel like the right time. He wasn’t sure when the right time was, but it wasn’t now
.
He’d said it in a casual way before. Had said it in the past tense. Even mentioned that he loved the real Ren. But he hadn’t told her with all the depth of the emotion behind the statement. Maybe he wasn’t even sure himself. But the longer he spent with her, even though they’d only been together a few days, the more urgent the need to tell her.
She was warm and soft in his arms. Perfect. Not a fantasy. She was here. Real. And so perfect she made his gut ache.
“Come on, darling. Let’s go eat. It’s a beautiful day out. A little chilly so let’s grab your jacket. ”
She drew away and then leaned up on tiptoe to kiss him. “Thank you. ”
He threw her a puzzled look. “For what?”
She smiled a little sadly, her beautiful, soulful eyes finding his. “For being just right for me. ”
CHAPTER 25
The weather was absolutely perfect. Just a hint of a nip in the air. Bright blue skies without a cloud in sight. No haze over the city. Dead leaves skittered across the paved drive as Cole ushered Ren out to the car. He loved that sound. Loved the smell of burning leaves even more.
Maybe tonight he and Ren could have a bonfire and sit out and watch the stars. Just the thought brought him back to nights back home in Tennessee. More than once, he’d taken Ren to the lake, built a fire, spread out a blanket and she’d lay her head on his lap while they counted fireflies.
He’d never considered himself a nostalgic person, but he found himself thinking more and more about the past without the negative filter. They’d had some good times. Really good times. For too long he hadn’t been able to get beyond his own mistakes to remember the best of his time with Ren.
He drove to Cattleman’s, a restaurant that was a regular haunt of his group of friends, Ren’s hand tucked securely into his the entire way.
It was a rustic-looking steak house that was a local favorite and the food was actually really good. And today he wanted Ren to relax. Casual environment. Laid back. He didn’t care as long as he got to spend time with her.
He zipped into the parking lot, got out and went around to open Ren’s door. As soon as she was out, he slid his arm around her waist, holding her solidly against him as they walked toward the restaurant entrance.
She flipped her head back, closed her eyes and inhaled deeply. Then she smiled and it lit up her whole face. “You’re right. It is absolutely beautiful today. I’m so glad I’m not spending it inside working. ”
He dropped a kiss on her forehead. “No chance of that. I can’t be away from you for more than a couple of hours. ”
They stepped inside and Cole waved to the bartender who jerked his thumb toward the back of the restaurant.
“Ah, good, my table is open,” Cole said as he guided her back.
Ren raised her eyebrows. “Your own table?”
“Well, sort of. I kind of share it with a few friends. Whoever happens to be in gets first dibs. It’s a little quieter. Out of the way and we get excellent service. ”
“Sounds like you’re all spoiled,” she said with a grin.
He pulled out a chair for her and smacked her on the ass just before she sat. “You have no room to talk about anyone being spoiled. ”
“That’s true,” she acknowledged as he took the seat across from her. “I’m not ashamed to admit I love being spoiled. ”
“And I’m not ashamed to admit that I love spoiling you,” he added.
Her face flushed with delight and her eyes lit up. Yeah, it was good to get her out. He wasn’t entirely certain what had made her so melancholy earlier in the morning, but she seemed to have come around now.
“Now, what would you like to eat?”
She studied the menu and then sent him a soft smile. “You choose. You know what I like. ”
He motioned for the waiter and ordered two steaks, medium, two salads and a side order of onion rings. At the mention of the onion rings, Ren’s head popped up and her eyes widened in surprise and then she grinned.
“Oh man, it’s been a long time since I’ve had onion rings. I’m surprised you remember. ”
“There isn’t much I’ve forgotten about our time together, Ren,” he said softly. “There were parts I didn’t choose to remember, but being back with you has made me realize just how good we were together. ”
She reached across the table to cover his hand with her own and she squeezed, surprising him with the affectionate gesture. “We were, weren’t we?”
He leaned forward, picking up her hand and raising it to his mouth so he could kiss the soft inside of her palm. “And as good as we were then, we’re even better now. ”
“If I was having this conversation with anyone else but you, I’d think I’d lost my mind. The idea of even contemplating these things with a man I’ve only been with for a few days is just …Well, it’s crazy. ”
He smiled because he understood her befuddlement. “But we haven’t only been together a few days and I’m not just any man. ”
She nodded. “Exactly. Still, it just seems so …fast. And maybe too good to be true. ”