Shielded In The Shadows

He didn’t say Emory’s name. Found himself oddly out of sorts. Emotional. Almost weak with it.

Tears filled her eyes. She straightened, smiling. Didn’t seem weak at all.

“He adored you, Jayden. All he ever wanted was to be like you, and the sad truth was, it wasn’t ever going to happen. He’d always been a small boy, small-boned. He could build his strength, but he was never going to have broad shoulders. Or a body that could tackle other men.”

“I shouldn’t have encouraged him.”

“To the contrary—you were the one who saved him.”

He shook his head. Hadn’t she been told the truth of what had happened? Could that be possible?

“You did.” She continued, “He never had any friends. Never fit in. He told me once, in junior high, that he felt like a freak. I think that’s why he originally insisted on trying out for football. And then he met you. The quarterback. A star. You noticed him. And rather than crush his dream, you showed him a way he could be part of the team. He became a kicker, and his whole life changed. He loved high school. He dated. Went out. Had friends. You gave that to him.”

At what cost? he wondered. He’d taken so much more.

“He’ll never give you grandchildren.”

“No, he won’t. But I already have grandchildren. I babysit for them five days a week. Some people don’t get that lucky.”

Jayden didn’t buy it. She was just being nice. He shouldn’t have come.

“Emory died doing what he wanted to do more than anything else in the world,” she said softly, tearing up again. “He died becoming a brother to you.”

His vision blurred slightly. He blinked.

“And Mr. Smith...does he feel the same way?” he asked. Man-to-man, would Emory’s father let the bitterness fly? Give Jayden the lashing he deserved?

“He’s still embittered. Angry.”

Rightfully so. If it would do the man any good to berate Jayden in person, he’d stop by there, too. If she’d give him an address.

“My ex-husband blames himself for pushing Emory so hard. Wanting him to be a man. He was part of the reason Emory chose football—to find his manhood. His father had played. When Emory played his first high school game, you’d have thought his father had won the lottery. And when he got a scholarship, it’s all my ex-husband could talk about. He was being a dad. Trying to have relationship with his son.

“If Emory had chosen to go to Harvard, my ex-husband would have bragged about that, too. But he doesn’t see it that way.” She sighed softly. “He thinks he drove Emory to be something he was not. That he pushed him into choosing to prove himself yet again by jumping off that cliff. He cut me off first, certain that I blamed him. No amount of telling him different, no amount of counseling, could get through to him. When our daughter got married, he withdrew even more. He hasn’t even met his second grandchild...”

Jayden ended up spending half a day with Emory’s mother. He took her out to lunch. Told her about his career. About using every day he had left on earth to honor life. To put others first. To make up for the selfish ass he’d been.

He didn’t put it in quite those words, but he needed her to know. Her son’s life had mattered. So much so, that Jayden’s was completely shaped by it.

On his way out of town he tried to see Emory’s father, too.

The man was polite, respectful, but didn’t want to meet.

Jayden understood completely. There were days he struggled to look himself in the mirror, too, but maybe it would be a little easier, going forward. He’d failed Emory, but he’d helped him, too, even if it had been unknowingly. And he hadn’t been solely responsible for the boy’s pushing himself too hard as Jayden had previously somehow thought.

Maybe, he’d reach out to Mr. Smith again. However often it took, until he and the man could find some kind of way to forgive each other—and then themselves.

* * *

Emma was at her desk at work, organizing the coming week and trying to get everything done quickly so that the deputy standing outside her door could move on to other pursuits. Because it was Saturday, the courts regular security detail was absent, but she couldn’t be in the building without protection.

Maybe overkill. Maybe not.

At least when the officers were sitting outside her house, they were there on a first-come, first-serve basis when it came to extra pay. That was city. The court was county detail.

She almost ignored her cell when it rang, figuring she could return the call from home. But when she looked and saw it was Jayden, she picked up. As far as she knew, he was working.

Or doing whatever he did when he wasn’t.