Her Secret Life

They were going to reach the sand soon. But they could turn. Walk the edge of the parking lot. Walk all around it. As many times as it took. Or just once and get back in the car.

“My sense of self-worth is all tied up in my beauty,” she said now. “I don’t know how I’m going to teach my class tomorrow, Michael. I’m afraid I’m a fraud.”

“You are not a fraud. You are blessed. And you share that blessing. Look what you’ve done for me,” he told her. “I’m walking on the beach with one of the most beautiful women in America and I’m not feeling ugly. I feel...equal, Kace. This is what you do for people. You make them feel beautiful because you see beauty in them.”

He was just saying that because they were friends. And she was down.

Except...Michael never just said anything. He was the most contained man she’d ever met. Chose everything he said with deliberation and caution. He was a man who stood by every word he said. And that made him a man she could trust.

“My whole life, people have gravitated toward me, wanting to hang out with me, choosing me for jobs and special treats, because of my looks. They choose me before they even get to know me...”

“They know the essence of you just by looking at you. It’s not just about your facial features, your blond hair—your identical twin has those, too, Kace, and as you’ve said many times, when someone had to choose between the two of you for those jobs or special treats, they always chose you. Like when you were little and did that commercial sitting on the hood of the car and one of you got to take a ride around the track in it. That one was you.”

Yeah. And Lacey had been so hurt, and she’d just thought it was because only one of them could go and figured next time it would be her...but Kacey hadn’t realized, hadn’t paid enough attention to know that her sister always took second place. Even when their parents called them to dinner, they’d call Kacey’s name first. She’d been grieving for her sister for most of the past year. Trying to make it up to Lacey for all those years of not feeling like she ever came first.

“You effervesce, Kacey. You glow. That’s what draws people to you. It’s your spirit. Not just your looks.”

Maybe. She’d love to think so.

She wanted to stay right there alone on the beach with Michael forever. To feel just like she did right then.

They’d stepped onto the sand and she hadn’t even noticed.

CHAPTER TWENTY-SIX

SHE WAS ON the beach. Had stepped over the threshold. And hadn’t marked the moment in any way.

Because she’d stepped onto the beach hundreds of times.

One bad experience wasn’t going to ruin all of the good. And before she started to glom onto that one bad time, started to have troubles breathing, she tripped her thoughts back to the conversation at hand.

She had a confession to make. And something to tell her friend and mentor.

Confession first. Something she hadn’t even discussed with her sister yet.

“I’ve realized something this past week.” She started toward the water, straight ahead, not along the beach. Keeping the parking lot directly at her back. “Partly from talking with Sara and Dr. Freelander, but mostly just on my own.”

She hadn’t told either counselor yet. Hadn’t told anyone. Not even Bo, who was the one person she should have told.

“Every morning when I get out of the shower, it’s like I have to dress really fast. Cover everything up. I get why. I mean, it’s clear and all after what happened. But the thing is, once I’m done, once I’m fully covered, so that my assets aren’t, like, right out there, tempting anyone else to...you know...”

She sounded like a damned teenager. “Kind of like right now,” Michael said. “Your wardrobe choice took me by surprise.”

She glanced over at him, faltering a step, kicking up sand. His arm supported her weight and she was upright, carrying herself again.

“You’re a guy. Do you think I bear some responsibility for what happened? If I hadn’t been flaunting myself...”

“Stop.” The firm tone surprised her to silence. “Half of the women in California dress as you do. You’re beautiful, Kacey. And you’re a woman who wears it well. Who’s comfortable with her beauty.”

Not anymore she wasn’t. Nope. Doria, okay. Kacey, no way.

“Michael. I’m going to tell you something...” She had to get this out.

“Okay.”

“What I realized is that all my life, my sense of self-worth...it was all wrapped up in my sexuality. Like, I was worth more if I looked sexy. I got more attention. I got the cutest boys. The best parts. I got my career that I absolutely love and that I know completes a part of me.”

“That’s not a crime, Kacey. You’re a sexy woman.”