Husband by Choice

They said that secrets were safe at The Lemonade Stand. Maybe some were. Some probably weren’t.

She was a secret.

And needed desperately to be a safe one.

I made a decision today. I know that my purpose, to keep my boys safe from Steve’s ugliness, to keep them apart from the sense of being hunted like animals, from the fear of being hounded, gives me strength. Meredith Bennet gives me strength. She is the me I was born to be.

And while I was talking to Renee it occurred to me that if I am to succeed in my mission, I must keep alive the parts of myself that drive me. I must keep Meredith alive.

Jenna is a necessary part of me. And Meredith is even more so. Beyond this journal. Beyond my own mind.

I, Meredith, am a three-dimensional human being with a full life. And if I am going to keep her spirit alive, I have to be allowed to fly. At least a little bit.

Renee is a mother. Her selfless love for her son touched a chord in me and I know that it was no mistake that she found me today. She needs me. I got that right away. But I needed her, too.

I must stop Steve’s stalking, put an end to the threat he poses to me and my family. But I must also keep Meredith’s life alive where I can. It is the life that I am willing to die to preserve.

Tomorrow, I am going to make a phone call to the mother of the three-year-old patient I’ve been working with. Someone I can still help, someone from Meredith’s daily life who can coexist in Jenna’s. Olivia’s mother, Yvonne, is a survivor. She will settle for as little as I can give her.

And then, maybe later, if I can figure out a way to do so undetected, I will check in on Max and Caleb. I will watch over my men.

For now.

And for eternity.

This I promise them.

And I promise me, too.

Goodnight.

* * *

“MAMA! MAMA!” The childish cry rent the air and Max flew out of bed and into the hallway before he was even fully awake.

“Mamaaaaa!” Caleb was crying, screaming, and his father stubbed his toe on the way into the nursery to find the toddler standing up in his crib, arms stretched over the bars that contained him.

“It’s okay, boy,” he said, hardly aware of the throbbing in his little toe as he pulled the toddler from his crib. “Daddy’s here.”

“Mama!” Caleb’s voice broke on a hiccup, but the crying had stopped. Throwing his arms around Max’s neck, Caleb held on tightly and laid his head against Max’s shoulder.

“It was just a bad dream,” he said, hoping the words were true, but not willing to settle for hope. He took his son into his room, laid the little boy down on his bed and proceeded to look him over for any signs of illness. He checked his belly for rash, his skin for hives, his fingernails for coloring, his eyes for dilation, his pulse and adenoids while the boy lay there, tears on his lashes, staring up at him.

“Mama?” Caleb’s voice was tiny as he lay in the middle of the big bed.

“Mama’s not back yet,” Max said over the lump in his own throat. Oh, God, Meri, would you be here if you could?

Or did you really choose to leave us? For whatever reason....

Are you still alive, my love?

Everyone was so sure she’d left him of her own accord. The facts pretty much proved that she had. Chantel, the local police, they all seemed to think she was safely out there somewhere starting a new life for herself.

He just couldn’t believe that.

So much so that he still hadn’t told anyone she’d left. They’d made calls, asking if anyone had seen her, heard from her, but as far as his work was concerned, no one knew the truth.

He’d made calls to the clients she’d had on her calendar for the coming week, saying that she was under the weather. He’d called the school to let them know she wouldn’t be in.