Another Man's Child

“They say I gotta do stairs, and I figure the real kind are better than that stupid machine they want me to go on. At least this way I get somewhere.” His grin went straight to Lisa’s heart.

“Besides, I gotta see this kid. Which one is she?”

Marcus put his arm around the boy’s thin shoulders, pointing to Sara’s warming bed. “She’s right there. See, her name’s on that plate at the bottom of the crib.”

“What’s she in that funny-looking bed for?”

“It helps to maintain her body temperature.”

“Why don’t she just do that for herself?”

“Give her time, Willie, she will. She just has to grow a bit more.”

Lisa wondered if Marcus had any idea how much he sounded like a papa defending his young.

“She don’t look big enough to grow.”

“She’s almost four pounds now. You should’ve seen her when she was born.”

Willie nodded, apparently satisfied. “We can skip the batting cages if you want, you know, since you got your own kid to think about now.”

Lisa braced herself as she heard the words. Did it hurt Marcus every time people referred to Sara as his, or did he just freeze out their words as he did hers? And how could he possibly think they could go through life living this way?

“I’ll have time, Willie. We’ll go as soon as you’re ready.”

Of course he would. Willie wasn’t a threat. He expected nothing. Marcus was able to be more of a father to Willie than he was to his own daughter.

SARA’S OXYGEN LEVELS began to drop around four o’clock. She’d only been breathing on her own for just over six hours. Lisa watched as her little chest continued to rise and fall, as her lungs labored for air, worried that each breath might be the baby’s last. In spite of the capable medical staff attending to Sara, Lisa was afraid to take her eyes off her baby even for a minute.

“I’ll watch her, hon,” Marcus said shortly before five. “Why don’t you go down and get some fresh air?”

Lisa shook her head. It could all be over before she got back.

“Would you like me to call your father?” he asked.

Again Lisa shook her head. It might be hours yet before they knew anything for sure. Lisa wanted her father to have what unrestricted happiness he could. She was glad that Beth was with him, that if the unthinkable happened to Sara, her father wouldn’t be alone.

Sara slept on. The baby hadn’t opened her eyes in more than four hours.

Marcus went in with Lisa while she sat through Sara’s eight-o’clock feeding. Lisa sang to the child, as she always did when she fed her, but while the baby’s body was continuing to accept nourishment, Sara slept through her entire meal.

“She’s going to have to go back on the ventilator,” Lisa whispered as Marcus led her back out to the viewing room.

“Let’s just be patient, Lis. Randal hasn’t given the order for that yet,” Marcus said. Though his face was pinched, his brows tight with worry, Lisa just accepted that he was worried on her account. The baby’s, too, but only in the way anyone would be concerned about another in a life-threatening situation. She wasn’t going to read any more into it than that, couldn’t afford to waste any more energy hoping for what would never be. For as much as she believed in Marcus’s ability to be a father to her child, he didn’t believe in himself, and there was nothing she could do to change that.

Randal arrived in the nursery at nine. He checked Sara carefully, not only watching her readings, but listening to her chest and looking under her eyelids. Finally, straightening, he motioned for a technician to bring back Sara’s life support.

Lisa started to cry as the machine was wheeled over beside the baby. She just couldn’t let them do it. She couldn’t put her baby through more pain if it was all going to be for naught.

Randal caught sight of her sitting out there, and Lisa didn’t even bother to wipe away the tears that were streaming down her face. She wasn’t a professional. She was a mother.

“We’re not hooking her up just yet, folks,” Randal said, poking his head out the nursery door. “Her levels have been fluctuating a little more this past hour. We’ll wait for one more reading.”

Lisa nodded, but she knew that at that point the chances of Sara’s breathing normally on her own were slim to none. Marcus stood silently behind her, his hands on her shoulders. She leaned back against him, soaking up his warmth. He’d been a rock throughout the entire day, never leaving her side, watching her baby intently, as if he could actually will his own breath into the baby’s lungs. She knew, without a doubt, he would if he could.

“Can we sit with her?” Lisa asked. Surely, given the circumstances, Randal would break the rules this once.

The doctor nodded.