“Em, I’m sorry.”
I didn’t turn around. I didn’t stop. “Jake, pick Drake up for me, will ya?” I heard him say yeah as I pushed open the door. I ran to my car and sped off towards my house.
My mind was so muddled. I drove all the way across the county and back. After thinking it through, I was still no closer to any conclusions. All I knew was that I wanted to feel like I did this morning all the time. I knew that I didn’t want to be around people like my mother. One outburst didn’t make Jake like her, did it?
I called my dad once I got home. “Hey, hon, what’s crackin’?”
I laughed and said, “I was wondering if I could talk to you for a second.”
“Sure. You have my full attention.” I explained to him what happened and asked him what he thought about Jake. “I think you need to talk things over with Jake. He was angry and didn’t keep control of his anger. Just tell him how you feel and things will settle like they should.”
“You’re right,” I said feeling a bit better.
“Of course I’m right,” he said.
I gave a small laugh. “Thanks, Daddy.”
“No problem, honey. I’m just glad that you came to me.” I smiled and hung up.
14
Jake
After school, I picked up Drake and headed to the house. Although I told my dad the other day about us being gone, I wanted to remind him. He was sitting in the recliner already shit-faced. This was ridiculous. I sat on the couch and he didn’t even acknowledge my presence. “Dad?”
“Yeah,” he slurred.
“I just wanted to let you know that Drake and I will be back around eleven or twelve.”
“Where are you going?”
I sighed, “We are going to Raleigh to the hockey game.” He nodded and continued to drink his beer. “Dad, you need to quit drinking so much and live your life,” I began but he cut me off.
“You killed her! You think I can just go on with my life when my love is dead and it’s my son’s fault?”
“I’m sorry! She would’ve died someday, Dad! She had cancer; she would have died by now anyway! The only thing I could have done was help her stay here a bit longer, so I didn’t kill her!” I screamed.
He threw his beer at me, but narrowly missed. “You don’t know that! Chemo could have kept her here. It could’ve killed that cancer!” He yelled angrily with tears streaming down his face.
“Dad, she hated chemo and you know that. At least now she’s not in pain. You know what, Dad? The only reason I am trying is because Drake wants his dad back, but I guess that won’t happen!” I stormed upstairs, got Drake, and left the house. I drove around to cool off before going to Emily’s.
I guess it was better for him to drink his life away and let Drake go without a father than to suck it up and move on like we had done. I slammed my palm against the steering wheel. Damn him! Yeah, maybe I could have saved my mom so she could live a little longer, but the cancer would have eaten away at her and she would’ve died anyway.
I took a deep breath and told
the silent Drake that things would be okay. He quietly let me know that he didn’t think I hurt our mom in any way. “Thanks, buddy.”
I turned left to go Emily’s. I knocked and she yelled for us to come in. I walked in and saw her sitting on the couch. Drake ran and sat beside her. I didn’t know how she felt after what happened today, so I sat in one of the recliners. Emily lit up as she was talking with Drake who was filling her in on his day. I saw him lean into her and whisper something that made her laugh.
What am I going to do to fix things? I mumbled something about getting a drink and headed to the kitchen. I heard laughing in the living room. I fixed a glass of Pepsi and walked in the living room to see what looked like a tickle war with Drake and she was clearly winning.
“Jake! Help!” Drake yelled in between laughs.
As I came closer, Emily said, “Don’t even think about it, Jake.”
“He’s my brother, Emily,” I told her, placing my glass on the coffee table. I reached out and tickled her stomach without worrying if she was okay with that. She released Drake and fell onto the couch. I took a chance and straddled her. I told Drake to get her. I held her arms above her head with one hand and put a tickle attack on her with the other. Drake attacked her stomach too. She was laughing nonstop and begging us to stop. I laughed and told her, “Not a chance.”
She was squirming underneath me with her hips grinding against me. “Jake, Drake, please stop.”