Worth the Risk (Carolina Rebels 5)

“Want a steak like me? Just pick your sides if you do.” He places his order while I quickly look over the sides, so I can get the same meal. When the waitress walks away, he asks, “When do you graduate?”

“In the spring, actually. I can’t believe I only have one semester left. It would’ve been next fall, but working with you, I’ve been able to add a few extra classes next semester so I can finish. I’m pretty sure I can manage Jackson, Bree, and a completely full course load.”

The corners of Elias’s mouth dip. “Will you hunt for a job or stay on as Bree’s nanny for a while?”

Oh. I hadn’t thought about what comes after graduation. “I don’t know what to do with my degree yet, so unless something miraculously comes to mind, I’m all yours for the foreseeable future,” he begins to smile, “unless you get rid of me.” His smile disappears.

“I don’t plan to get rid of you. You’re perfect with my princess.”

I smile. “She’s an amazing little girl.”

“You really don’t know what you want to do? You didn’t have any dreams before Jackson came along and changed things up?”

“I didn’t know before then, no.” I laugh a little. “The future wasn’t something I thought about that much back in high school. I was completely living in the here and now. And when Jackson was born, my life became all about him and making sure I could take care of him.” I frown. “I almost feel like I chose the wrong degree, but I didn’t know what else to do and I knew I needed a degree to make good money one day.”

Elias rests his elbows on the table and leans forward. “What are you passionate about? Curious about?”

I shrug, almost wishing he’d change the topic. “I love my son. That pretty much covers it. Maybe I’ll work for you forever,” I joke, but secretly serious. I’m not sure what kind of role model that makes me for Jackson, but I do love what I do for Elias and considering I have no clue what else I’d want to do, it sounds like a mostly solid plan.

Elias smiles. “I have no problem with that.”

“What about you? What will you do when your playing career is over?”

“I want to become a coach, but for kids. I knew I wanted to still be in the sport somehow, and maybe in the coaching aspect, but since having Bree and especially since taking Jackson, I know that’s exactly what I want to do when I’m done playing. Plus, I learned something from all of my coaches growing up. They were some of my biggest influences and role models, aside from my parents, and I think it would be awesome to be in that position for other kids.”

Jealousy rises within me. He has a plan. He has his life figured out. I couldn’t figure my life out if my next breath depended on it.

“Would you ever consider reconciling things with your parents?”

“No.” The harsh answer snaps out of my mouth before I can think twice about it. “I don’t think they could change, or would. I’d have to see serious change. It’s been five years and I haven’t heard a peep from them. You couldn’t pay me to go back home.”

Confusion scrunches Elias’s face. “Then where exactly are you spending Christmas?”

Oh, shit. I did say I was going to see an old friend, so it makes sense that he’d think I’d go back home for that.

Before I can offer a response, he adds, “You know you are more than welcome to stay with us still. Jackson can stay in Bree’s room. You can stay in mine.” My heart catapults out of my chest and lands somewhere across the room. “Is Jackson seeing Henry? Don’t you want him to? Wouldn’t it make more sense to spend Christmas at my house then?”

“Elias, stop,” I blurt out. “I’m not spending Christmas at your house. My friend no longer lives back home. She’s close enough that we’ll be able to stop by Henry’s on Christmas Day.”

He eyes me for a moment as if he knows I’m lying, but he can’t pinpoint what the exact lie is. It takes everything I have not to squirm in my seat under his stare. “When do you want to exchange gifts then? Before you leave or once you get back?” When I shrug, not really sure it matters, he makes the executive decision, “After.”

“Tell me more about your family.” Any change of topic is good. Elias tells me more about his parents, his sister, and even his friend, Derek, who is supposed to come down for Christmas. It’s almost like he’s hoping they’ll appeal to me enough that I’ll change my mind about staying away over the holidays.

Not happening.

“Enough about me,” he says after awhile. “What was one of the hardest days of your life?”

I frown. “I thought dates were supposed to be all positive and whatnot?”

“They’re supposed to allow each person to get to know the other person better. That’s what I’m doing.”

I sigh. The hardest day of my life? Which day takes that title? The day my high school boyfriend abandoned me when I told him I was pregnant? Was it the day I saw the absolutely horrified and then disgusted expressions on my parents’ faces, which eventually hardened as they let me know that I would have to leave? Was it the day I had to pick up and leave for North Carolina? Or maybe it was that brief period of time when I was worried I wouldn’t have a job to support Jackson or a home for him to live in before Elias hired me?

A heaviness rests on my chest. A rock clogs my throat. “There are a few too many to pick just one. How about I tell you the best days were the day Jackson was born and when I came to North Carolina? Nothing else matters.”

Elias nods in understanding. “My only regret with Bree is that I wasn’t there throughout the pregnancy and for the birth. I feel like I’ve missed out on part of her life somehow.”

“Would you ever consider retiring early so you could be around her more, especially since you’re her only parent?”