Finding Carson Lee (Oh Captain, My Captain 3)

“Carson, how did you enjoy golfing with my husband today? He told me you whipped him into shape.”

“More like the other way around. I only play here and there, so he schooled me.” There’s something in the way he said ‘schooled’ that makes me think there’s more to it, but I let it go.

“Well, he tends to play a little bit more since he’s retired. Do you have plans after you finish your hockey games?”

I roll my eyes and shake my head. “Mama, it’s his hockey career, not just games.”

Carson ignores my correction of Mama’s mistake. “I’m hoping to play for a while still. Once the time gets closer, then I’ll think about what’s next.”

Mama puts on her sad smile. “I’m hoping Kinley decides to quit her silly career soon.” My stomach twists at her words. It’s not silly at all. It’s my life.

“Carson, would you marry someone with a full time job?” Mama questions him.

I slightly gasp. “Mama, I’m sure Carson doesn’t need to answer such a silly question. And if I remember correctly, you’ve held down jobs too.”

Mama narrows her eyes at me, and I know it’s about to get bad. “Yes, but then I got married and had a child, and I did what I was supposed to do. Unlike you.”

This time, Dad is the one that jumps in before I can. “Ruby, I think we’ve had enough of this talk.”

“No,” Mama raises her voice a little. “She’s wasting her life with all this clothes business. She travels, she’s always tired, and I’ve hardly seen her since March. I mean we had to travel to her to have a family vacation.”

“I’m not playing dress up and quit acting like I am.” My voice raises too, and my feelings are hurt. “I’m not like you. I’m don’t want to be married and tied down with kids.”

“Obviously not since you couldn’t keep your first marriage together. I’m surprised Elliott stuck around as long as he did with you.”

My mouth falls in shock. Never has my mama ever said anything so harsh to me. I feel like she stuck a knife into my soul. I can’t stop the tears from rolling down my cheeks. Mama goes to say something, but I jump up and race out of the restaurant. I hear someone behind me, and I know that Carson is following me.

I don’t hail a cab. I walk all the way back to the hotel, and the tears keep coming. Carson keeps up with my pace, not saying anything, only walking close to me.

When I get off the elevator on our floor, I fumble in my purse for my cardkey, but he grabs my upper arm and drags me into his room.

“Carson, leave me alone, please,” I beg him as I sniff.

“Sweetheart, that’s not happening.” His voice is low. He guides me to his bed, and I sit down. “Will you let me be helpful for once?”

“Do you even know how?” I snap at him.

“Not really.” He chuckles, sitting next to me. “But it can’t be that hard.”

I giggle at him, even though I don’t feel like it. “It’s very hard because as you heard at dinner, I’m a bit of a bitch.” I wipe the tears from my face. “I guess it’s not a big shock to you. Maybe I should send it in an email?”

“Please, no more emails.” He shakes his head. “You’re not a bitch. Just focused on what you want.”

“Carson Lee, you may not realize this, but I failed in my mama’s eyes.” I push my hair back and behind my ears. “I’m not Betty Homemaker. What I want, isn’t what she thinks I need. I want this to be my career. Yes, it’s stressful, and I sometimes have to yell at pro athletes who are extremely hardheaded, but I love it. I feel like I’ve accomplished something at the end of the day when I see those photos of my ideas on the laptop.” I pour my heart out to Carson Lee, and I’m not sure why I am.

“I’m going to ignore the hardheaded comment for your sake.” He bumps my shoulder. “You should feel like you’ve accomplished something because you have. She will eventually come around. Eventually. Want to know how I know?”

“How?”

“Because she’s your mom and she obviously loves you. That means more than you might think.” His voice is low but serious.

I nod, knowing what he’s saying, but it’s hard to hear it right now. “Is your mom this way with you because you’re not married or popping out grandkids for her?”

“I’m not married because I don’t want to be.” His voice sounds hard and stern. “That’s enough of an explanation. Plus, have you met me?”

“I think you would make an outstanding father, Carson Lee. I mean, I can see you with your sons out on the ice, teaching them hockey, and being tough. I can even see you scaring the shit out of your daughter’s boyfriends. Yep, you’d make a good dad.” I don’t say anything for a moment, and then try to break up the seriousness. “Or maybe, I’m a little crazy,” I tease back. “But there’s a lot of good in you. I can see it.”

“Seems to be the running theme today.” Carson laughs.