Tainted (Oh Captain, My Captain 7)

I think about Mom and how she told me I was trash, just like her. It seems like a lifetime ago, but I had sex with men all the time. Strangers, actually, but I never got paid. I needed the physical release and numbness to push all the thoughts out of my head.

What if I did join the family business?

Maybe I could freelance?

I slap my hand to my forehead. What the hell am I thinking? I’m going to stay in school. I have to. Maybe I could strip and room with one of the girls? I don’t like any of them though. Most of them do drugs and the other half has kids.

Fuck, what have I done?

~

I talk to the manager at Greenwood, but he tells me there aren’t any available units and the waiting list is several months long. There’s no chance I’ll be moving back there.

Once I finish with my classes for the day, I search the sidewalk for Valo. I need to forget him, but I can’t right now. He’s at the front of my thoughts. I walk to a coffee shop and purchase a paper and a small drink. I shouldn’t be spending the money, but I only have a few days before I have to be out of Big Mike’s. I take a seat at one of the tables and begin to flip through the apartments. Who the fuck can afford this shit? $1000 a month for a one bedroom? I keep searching, but there’s nothing I can afford.

I slam the paper shut and chug the hot coffee. I stare out the window and watch the people without a care, stroll up and down the street.

I have no plan. I have no money. I have nothing.

I throw my empty cup away, bundle myself into my coat, and head back toward Greenwood. Maybe if I negotiate with Big Mike, he can have half my tips to let me stay on the couch until I can get out on my own. He’s always been good to me, but he doesn’t deal well with squatters.

As I’m crossing into the hood, I hear my name.

“Baby Jade.”

I roll my eyes, but turn around to see Rick coming toward me with a couple girls behind him.

“We need to talk for a moment.”

“I really don’t have anything to say to you,” I stand firm.

“I’ve been going over my books and your mom does owe me some money.”

I scrunch my face up. “So, what? That has nothing to do with me.”

“Oh, but it does. See, since she’s in jail, it’s your responsibility.” He comes so close to me, his cheap cologne gags me.

“That’s a bunch of shit and you know it. I don’t give a fuck what she owes you. You can take it up with her when she’s gets out.” I go to walk away, but he gets in my path.

“This has to do with you, too.”

“Then call the cops or sue me,” I threaten him.

“You know that’s not how this works, Baby Jade.” He licks his lips and looks me up and down.

>

“Fuck you,” I bark at him. “Don’t even think about it.” If he even makes a move to touch me, I will beat the shit out of him. Well, I’ll go down fighting anyway.

“I understand you need a place to stay.”

“So?” I shrug.

“You know I take care of my girls. They all live in a nice, warm house over on Maple Street.”

I roll my eyes. “Great for them. It’s nice to see a pimp taking care of his whores.”

“Tsk, tsk. Now, Baby Jade, why must we call each other names? I’m a businessman, looking out for his employees.”