Tainted (Oh Captain, My Captain 7)

My breathing stops as I stare at her. This can’t be real. The rage starts bubbling, rumbling, ready to explode. “You wear purple contacts to cover up eyes that look like your mom’s because you don’t want to be her. I gave you a fucking out, Jade. Why would you leave that just to run right to the life you’ve been working to avoid since you were born?”

She’s quiet as she thinks for a moment. “Mom owes money to her pimp. I owe money to you. I have no place to live. Are you catching on to the picture here? I know I didn’t want to be like her, but guess what?” She finally looks me in the eye again. “I’m her. Now, let’s just forget all about knowing each other. I’m going to send you money every month, like we agreed. Other than that, there’s nothing to talk about, is there?”

“Keep your money, I don’t want it. Not if that’s how you’re making it.” Any money she gives me would be dirty and tainted. I don’t want any part of it. “I can’t believe this.” I shake my head. I can’t be around her, I just can’t. “I gotta go.” Without another word, I stand and leave.

~

Friday comes and my nerves are frayed. Jade starts her new “job” tonight. I thought losing my ex-girlfriend to her best friend, even though she was never mine to begin with, hurt like hell, but it was a minor cut compared to this. And knowing what’s going to happen tonight doesn’t help. I have an hour before I have to be at the rink for a game. Impulsive decisions have never been something I have given into, but I find myself getting in my truck and driving to Greenwood.

Big Mike is apparently someone who is somewhat good for Jade and I’m hoping he can help me. The parking lot of the strip joint is empty, but I get out and try the door. Unlocked. I open it and walk inside. Big Mike is standing behind the bar, checking inventory it looks like.

“We’re closed,” he says without looking my way.

“Jade isn’t here, is she?”

He turns his attention to me, glaring. “Who the hell are you?”

I stick my hands into my coat pockets and shrug as I stand on the other side of the bar across from him. If he doesn’t remember me and doesn’t recognize me from the Eagles, then I’m not about to point it out. “A friend. Jade needs help, but she won’t let me help her. I’m hoping she’ll let you, if she thinks you’re the one who helps.”

“What do you want?”

“Do you know who her mom worked for?”

He nods. “Yeah, he’s a mean, conniving bastard. What’s he got to do with Jade?”

“She says her mom owes him money and since she’s refused all my help, she’s supposed to start working for him tonight.” Big Mike’s hard face falls and I know he’s as bothered by this as I am. “I can’t get involved in this, but if you’ll help me, I want you to pay him.” I pull the envelope out of my pocket and set it on the bar. “I don’t know how much he’s owed, but that should be more than enough. As far as anyone knows, you’re paying off the debt. Make sure you do it once I leave.”

Big Mike whistles as he opens the envelope and flips through the bills. “I’ll do it because Jade’s a good girl. Why are you doing this for her?”

“Because I want to help Jade. She wants more than Greenwood, but won’t let me help her be more.” I pull out another piece of paper, all that’s written on it is my cell number, and set it on the bar. “If there are any other ways you can help Jade, call me and I’ll make sure you do. Just don’t tell her it’s me.”

“I’ll do that.” He pauses. “What makes you think you can trust me?”

“Jade trusts you, that’s why. Thanks, Mike.” I turn and leave, hoping against all odds that I can trust him and that Jade never has to take a step in her mother’s shoes.

I get to the rink early, put on my skates, and get on the ice. If we’re going to win this game against Indiana, then I need to clear my head, so I can focus on hockey and not what may or may not happen with Jade. If she follows-through with this, I don’t know how I can overlook it, if I can overlook it. Tonight may be the last night my feelings don’t waiver. If she does this, they’ll still be there, and I’ll still help her, but I don’t know if I could ever be with her.

There would be no reason for her to do this after I’ve done everything to get her out of that life and attempted to give her the life she’s always wanted and deserved. If she’s going to throw it away and run in the opposite direction, so far in the wrong direction, and do it willingly, then I don’t know if I could trust her enough to love her completely and be with her. I don’t know if I could get that close again.

If she works tonight, we can never be anything more than what we are right now. I can’t be willing to invest more emotion than she is.

A feeling of contentment at reaching a decision passes through me. Unfortunately, it’s mingled with restlessness, pain, and a broken heart. I return to the locker room and check my phone to see a text from a number I don’t recognize.

It’s done. She’s debt-free.

Now it’s up to Jade to walk away.

“You’re here early,” Derek says.

“So are you.”

“Yeah, well, I got into an argument with my wife. She was ready for me to leave already,” he laughs. “Woman drives me crazy.”

I chuckle. I know exactly what he means, but I need to turn those thoughts away. “How do you think we’ll do against the Mustangs tonight?”

“We’ve been playing well lately, so I’m sure we’re ready for them. Are you ready to face your old team again? Weren’t you close to Ross?”

“Used to be, yeah.” If there were ever anyone I’d want to talk to about Jade, Brody would be the person. He was always a good guy. I text him and see if he can meet me in the bar of the hotel he’s staying in after the game. I feel relieved when he says yes.