Butterfly (Orphans 1)

"Yes, yes, you're right," Celine said quickly. "Of course, you're right, Madame Malisorf. I was just so disappointed the other day and I know you were, too."

"On the contrary, I was not," she said. Celine's head lifted. Even I had to pause in my exercises and look her way.

"You weren't?" Celine sounded skeptical. "No. I was happy to see the child get right up and attempt to continue. That is stamina,

determination That comes from here," she said holding her palm against her heart.

"Yes," Celine said, looking at me. "Of course, you're right again, Madame. I'm grateful that we have you."

"Then let's not waste the time we do have, Celine." Dismissing Celine with a flick of her wrist, Madame Malisorf approached Dimitri and me and our lesson began.

It was a good lesson. Even I felt that I had accomplished more than usual. The only mention Madame Malisorf made of the recital was when she made reference to my work on pointe. For the rest of the lesson she had Dimitri take me through a series of exercises and complimented me on my work.

Yet none of this seemed to ease Celine's concerns. She sat glumly in her chair and when the lesson ended and Dimitri and Madame Malisorf were gone, Celine wheeled up to me to say she thought Madame Malisorf was wrong.

"She just doesn't want to give up her own free tune," Celine said peevishly. "In ballet more is better. If you're not obsessed with it, you won't be successful. It has to be demanding on your body and your soul. I'll practice with you on the weekend," she added. "We'll begin this Saturday."

"But this Saturday is my birthday and Sanford said we're having a party. I've invited some of my classmates," I moaned.

"Oh, Sanford is planning your party, is he?" The look in her eyes chilled me. "Well, the party isn't an all-day affair, is it? We'll practice in the morning and you can have your party in the afternoon, if you must have it at all," she declared, then turned her chair and wheeled herself away.

Ever since the recital, Celine had been behaving differently toward me. She was more impatient, her words harsher, her eyes more critical. She spent more time alone, sometimes just sitting and staring out the window. And any time I mentioned Sanford she narrowed her eyes and looked at me like she was trying to see inside me, see what I was thinking and feeling. Once I even found her backed into a corner, the shadows draped over her like a blanket. She was staring at the painting of herself in her dance costume.

When I mentioned my concern to Sanford, he said I should just give her time. I didn't mention that I thought Celine was upset at the time he and I spent together, though, since I was afraid he would avoid me in order to keep in Celine's good graces.

"She has her ups and downs," he explained. "Everything has been happening so fast, she just needs time to adjust?'

He and I went for one of our walks on the grounds, down to the lake. It was special times like these, spending time with a daddy who loved and cared for me, that made all the hours of torture in the studio worthwhile.

"I've made all the plans for your birthday party," Sanford said when we reached the edge of the water. "We're going to have a barbecue, hot dogs and hamburgers and steaks for the adults?'

"Who's coming?" I asked, hoping he would mention my new grandparents.

"Some of the people at my plant whom you've met, Mrs. Williams from Peabody, Madame Malisorf, of course, and yes," he added quickly, reading my mind, "Celine's parents and Daniel will stop by. How many people have you invited?"

"Ten," I said,

"Good. We have a nice party planned. Remember, I don't want anyone using the rowboat without an adult present, okay?"

I nodded. This was the most exciting thing in my life, even more exciting than the recital. I had never had a real birthday party. The only time I'd had a birthday cake, it was for me and two other children at the orphanage at the same time Sharing it took away from its specialness. Birthdays aren't special without a family to help you celebrate, without a mother to remember things about your growing up and a daddy to give you that special kiss and say, "My little girl's growing up. Soon she'll have eyes for someone else beside me." Finally, I was going to have a party that really was solely my own and a big party, too!

I told Sanford that Celine wanted me to practice dance on the morning of my birthday and his eyes grew small and troubled. Later, at dinner, he mentioned it and Celine shot a look at me as if to say I had betrayed her.

"Did she go crying to you about it?" she asked. "Why is it that you've suddenly become her knight in shining armor?"

"Come on, Celine. She just mentioned it when I told her about the plans for her party. I thought we would all decorate the family room in the morning and----"

"Really, Sanford, what did you expect me to do? Climb a ladder and hang balloons?" she asked disdainfully.

"No, of course not. I just thought. . ." I could tell he was weakening.

"There are no holidays, no days off, no time to forget what is your destiny, Janet," she said, turning back to me.

"I know. I wasn't complaining," I said. I didn't want her to think I wasn't grateful.

She stared at me a moment. It was a hard look, and her eyes were full of disappointment. I had to look down at my food.

"I know you're a young girl, but as a dancer you are entering a world that requires you to become an adult faster, Janet," she continued. "It will make you stronger for everything in life. I promise."