April Shadows (Shadows 1)

"Yes," I said, thinking about Peter and the medicine wheel. "You have to be comfortable with who you are,"

"Exactly. There," she said. "But before you look in the mirror, let me pluck these eyebrows a bit. You've never trimmed them?"

"No." I waited while she did it, and then she said. "Okay, look in the mirror, and tell me what you think."

I stood up and gazed at myself. There was nothing I could do about my chubby cheeks. and I hated the way my nose looked so swollen because of the extra weight I carried, but Celia had done wonders with me. I never thought I could look glamorous, but the makeup did draw attention to my eyes, and somehow. I didn't look as obese as I felt. Do I dare think of myself as pretty ? I wondered.

"There is an attractive girl in there. April. You've got to get down to her," she said.

Perhaps nothing else that was ever said to me, all the warnings and threats Brenda lay on me, for example, all the pleadings in Mama's eyes, all the nasty things Daddy had said during his Mr. Hyde days, had as much effect on me as Celia's words. Yes,

I've got to get down to myself I've got to let myself out from under all this fat.

"Thank you," I told her.

She smiled and hugged me. I felt I had a friend, a real girlfriend. She even followed me into my little apartment to help me choose what to wear. I always favored black because of how much thinner I looked when I wore it. Celia was hesitant about it. She didn't like anything I had in black.

"Nothing does your figure any good." she said.

"What figure?" I asked. smirking.

"You'll see," she said. "Just a minute."

She ran out and returned with a light black sweater with a deep V-neck collar she said would be attractive with my black skirt. She brought along a pair of gold teardrop earrings and a pearl necklace she thought would complement the clothes.

Normally. I was very shy and self-conscious about anyone seeing me undressed. but Celia seemed not to notice my bulges. Her interest was solely in what made me more attractive.

"You're

not wearing the proper bra," she decided when I was down to my bra and panties. "When was the last time you bought one?"

"I don't know. A few months ago, maybe more like six months ago."

"You've developed since. That's for sure," she said.

"Here's a way to test." She put her finger on the cleavage area of my bra and pressed. "See how my finger bounces in and out. The cups are too small."

She ran her finger along, the front edges of my bra and down the seams of my arm. I felt a tingle shoot through my body to my spine, but I didn't wince,

"You have bulges all along here. April, and it's not only because of excessive weight. You've out grown this. Damn, you should have let someone know so we could have taken you for some new

undergarments. I hate those loose-fitting bloomers, too. They belong on old ladies. We're going shopping tomorrow, but for now..."

"What for now?"

"I'm going to lend you one of my older bras. It'll fit you. I'll be right back." she said, and hurried out again.

When she returned, she brought a black. strapless Wonder Bra.

"Go on," she said when she saw my hesitation. "Try it on." I unfastened my bra and slid it off my shoulders and arms.

"Didn't you notice these stretch marks?" she asked me as I made the change and she studied my bosom. "You're really developing quickly. April. You've neglected yourself," she said, brushing her hand over my hair and cheek. "It's not your fault. though. You've been through so much. For a long time, you've really been alone. Go on. Put on my bra,"

I did as she said and then looked at myself in the small mirror above the sink. The bra lifted my breasts and made my bosom looked twice as big. She came up beside me and handed me the sweater. When I put it on, my cleavage showed deeply in the V-neck collar. Wasn't that too revealing?

"Very attractive," Celia said before I could ask.

"I don't think Brenda's going to like it. I said. It did make me feel quite self-conscious.