April Shadows (Shadows 1)

"Another way for me to lose weight." I muttered, and got into the car.

"Brenda didn't say a thing to me. You're getting paranoid. Which is usual in your circumstances. The truth is, subconsciously, you're the one after you. not Brenda and certainly not me. But don't worry about all that now. I'll help you.-

"How?" I snapped back at her.

She smiled. "Just be patient. You'll see. You didn't tell me about the school. How was it?"

I gave her my famous shrug. "School's school." I said.

"Anyway, some of the other city schools are more rundown," she declared, getting in. "Wasn't it all right, at least?" she pursued. Somewhere, she'd probably learned it was important to elicit a response.

"No," I said, deciding not to pretend just to make everyone else feel okay. "Look at me. Look at what I have to wear. They have a dress code here."

"It's not that bad."

"You don't have to wear it, so you can say that," I shot back at her. "I have to go shopping and get a few more uniforms. I have a choice of two other colors for the skirt."

"Oh. Do you want to go shopping now?"

I shrugged. She looked at her watch.

"Why don't we just do it, and then we can pick Brenda up. She should be through with practice by that time. We can stop at this great Chinese restaurant for dinner.'

"Are we going to eat out every night?"

"No, silly. I just thought it would be easier until we get situated."

"Situated," I mimicked, and turned to press my forehead against the window. The world looked so dreary and dark to me.

Why didn't Mama think of me before she took all those pills? She knew what I was like, what my life was like. Why didn't she take that into consideration? It seemed strange to think it. but I did. Mama was selfish in taking her own life. Sometimes, you have to live for someone else's sake, especially if you're a mother and especially if your child's father is already dead and gone. I didn't think it was possible. but I was alloy at her for leaving me behind.

After we bought the clothes and picked up Brenda, we went to the Chinese restaurant. What didn't surprise me but disappointed me was Brenda's lack of interest in how I had enjoyed my partial school day. From the moment we picked her up until our dinner was nearly finished, she talked incessantly about the upcoming all-star game and the revelation that she was going to be under the direction of another schools coach, one she didn't particularly like. She had heard too many bad things about him.

"He has this

thing about punishing you if you take a shot he deems unwise. It puts stupid pressure on us all, I can't play well like that."

"Just be yourself, and if he doesn't like it, that's his problem. They have to know you're the best player.'

"I'm not the best player. I'm one of the best."

"No, you're the best. Right. April?" Celia asked. It took me by surprise,

I widened my eyes and started to agree,

"How would she know? I'm not fishing for compliments here, Celia, so stop it."

"Okay, okay. I took April to buy some additional uniform clothing." she said, moving our conversation into another direction like a traffic cop.

Brenda sighed and then finally asked me about the school.

"I'm joining the beginners' chess club." I said. She smirked. "I always wanted to learn. It meets tomorrow,"

"That's wonderful," Celia offered quickly.

"Yeah, it's great. Between driving and playing chess. she'll get a load of exercise."

"Oh, she'll do all right," Celia insisted.