Twisted Roots (DeBeers 3)

"Let's not go too far. Heyden. Despite what he claims, he might get frightened."

"He's really all right. Hannah. I can see that he was shut up for no reason."

"I don't know. You don't know his history, how long it's taken for him to get to where he's at now. You do know that he gets terribly confused sometimes. Sometimes he goes into a depression that rivals a coma. You haven't seen that side of him yet," "And I won't, That's not going to happen, not with us. Not now," Heyden insisted,

"Going off like this doesn't cure everything. Heyden. Let's not be unrealistic," I warned.

His smile faded and then came shooting back, "No. it doesn't, but it's a start. Look, the first stars are out." he said. "You ever take time to look at the stars?"

"Yes. When I walk down to our beach." "Yeah. I forgot," he said. disappointed. "You have always had your own private beach. Well. I'm in the middle of a city street, and with the lights all around me, it's hard to see stars or even care," he said bitterly. "At least, it was. Not anymore, never again." he vowed with such vehemence. I was actually frightened for a moment. He looked capable of doing anything to stay free of his past.

He saw the look in my face and smiled. "Don't blame me for wanting this so much."

"I don't. I just want to keep our feet on the ground and be as realistic about it all as we can. Heyden."

"We will. I promise. This is our first free night, though. Hannah. Just tonight let's act like a couple of dreamers, okay?" he pleaded.

I smiled. "Okay."

He took my hand and we walked down to the beach where we could sit and look toward the space shuttle.

"I guess those guys really get away from it all up there." Heyden said. "I wonder if they feel like they're closer to God or something."

"I suppose when they see the world that way, they can have such a feeling."

Heyden looked at me. "When I'm with you. Hannah. I can. too. It's like being up there. I bet. Like floating in space, above everything, the noise, the static. It's all drowned out, and all I can see is you; all I can hear is you, and all I care to touch is you." I smiled and looked down at the sand. "You're not even a bit afraid of what we're doing, Heyden?" "Sure. I'm afraid. If I wasn't, I'd be worried about myself. Then I would know I'm completely bankers, unrealistic. I know it's not going to be as easy as I make it sound. but I think it's possible. Hannah. I think we're possible. You've given me the hope, you and yes. Uncle Linden."

I looked up at him. With only the starlight, it was still easy to see his eyes burning with

determination and what I surely thought was love. He leaned forward and kissed me softly. T

hen he lay back on the sand.

"I like the warmth in the sand after the sun goes down, before night coals it. Don't you?"

"Yes." I said, lying back beside him.

"Pick two stars that are close to each other, and we'll claim them for ourselves." he said. ''At least for the tip."

I read the night sky and then painted to my right.

"I see them." Heyden said. "I'm the one on the right because the one on the left twinkles more." "Oh. I'm twinkle toes now?"

He laughed. To me you are." he said and kissed me again.

We embraced and I buried my head in the nook between his head and neck.

"Hold me. Heyden." I said. "Hold me as if I were going to fall off the edge of the world." "Okay. I'll always hold you that way. Hannah." So many promises coming so quickly, I thought. I was afraid they were like crepe paper and balloons, tinsel and lights to dress to keep us from seeing what was ordinary. We were too young for so many promises, too poor to afford them yet. For us promises were still dreams and not plans. It was like floating on a magic carpet with the most dangerous thing being waking up. The air would be air again, and you could fall to the hard earth.

I said nothing. but Heyden felt my tension and fear. He kissed my forehead and cheek and brought his lips to mine, pressing hard as if he wanted to drive out any demons,

"It's going to be okay," he whispered. I turned to lie back on his outstretched arm and gazed up at the still-emerging stars, each one another promise, too. But when the sun came up, when it was morning, they would be gone, I thought,

How would the world look to us the next day? After a little while longer, we bath decided it was time to go back to see how Uncle Linden was doing. It didn't surprise me to find him asleep in his chair, the movie still playing,

"That's funny. He was complaining about the other residents doing just that."

"He's exhausted. It was just as emotional for him to leave as it was for us," I said.