Star (Wildflowers 2)

"I told her about Steve's bruise and I told her I had spent time with him to help him. No," I added quickly, anticipating Jade's question, "I didn't tell her what we did or too much detail.

"'That don't sound good, Star. You best not go to that house no more. You promise me that,' Granny demanded.

"I shook my head.

"'I can't promise you that, Granny. I love Steve,' I said.

"She made a face, twisting her mouth like strips of clay and folding her brow like folding a fan and shook her head.

"'Lord, you can't be in love with no boy that fast and you're too young for such talk. Now don't go making the same mistakes your momma made and end up on the same dead-end road, child. You promise me you won't go to that house no more, hear?'

"I shook my head. 'No,' I cried back at her. 'I'll never make such a promise.'

"I ran to my room and just stood there staring at myself in the mirror. Then I started to cry. She came to my door.

"'You eat anything?' she asked.

" No.'

"'Well come on then. Have some of the stew.'

"'I'm not hungry,' I said.

"'You don't eat something hot after getting soaked, you're going to get sick. Have some stew,' she insisted. 'Get out of those clothes and come on out here now, Star.'

"I didn't want to aggravate her any more so I did what she wanted. Rodney sat at the table while I ate and told me about a new game he played in physical education class. I only heard bits and pieces. My thoughts kept returning to Steve and our time and the way he looked when I waved to him from the bus. It was like a picture that had been printed forever and ever on my brain.

"Granny didn't talk any more about it. She went into the living room to watch her television shows. Rodney sat at her side and I went to my room and just thought about Steve, fantasizing about our lives together, how when he was old enough to get his trust, we would go off and get married and love each other better than any two people. I'd be a good mother and he would be a good father because we both knew what it meant to have terrible parents.

"Before I went to sleep that night, Granny came to my doorway to ask if I was feeling okay.

"'Yes,' I said. 'I'm sorry. I didn't mean to worry you, but I had to go,' I told her.

"She stared at me for a long moment and then said, 'I hope you're still a good girl, Star. The easiest thing to lose in this world is your own self-respect and that's the hardest thing to get back, too. Just look at your momma.'

"I didn't want to keep being compared to Momma. I hated the thought, so I just turned my back and pretended to go to sleep. I didn't for a long time Granny's face and words haunted me even though I didn't feel like I should think of myself as being a bad girl. I really and truly loved Steve. I couldn't imagine loving anyone else more and I thought if this isn't love, if I'm too young to be in love, then I'll never be in love.

"Granny was fine the next morning. Rodney and I left for school. I was never so excited to go. I was at the lockers early and loitered, trying to act as if I had to straighten mine out. It grew later and later. The first bell for homeroom rang and Steve wasn't there again. I waited anyway and was late to homeroom. My teacher was upset and bawled me out, but I couldn't hear a word he was saying. I kept anticipating Steve's arrival.

"I can see in your faces that you know what I'm going to say next," I told the others. "He never came to school."

"Oh no," Misty said.

"Yes," I said. "He and his daddy got into it even worse than before. I don't know why. I never really found out details, but I always thought it was because of me:'

"How come you never knew? Didn't Steve tell you?" Misty asked.

"He couldn't," Jade answered for me. Her eyes nearly stabbed me with their penetrating glare. "Right?"

"That's right," I said. "He couldn't."

"Why not?" Misty asked.

"His daddy beat him badly. He fought back and his daddy hit him so hard, he knocked him into a coma."

With my eyes closed, I said it all as fast as I could. It was like swallowing cod liver oil or something. You wanted to get it over fast.

No one spoke or asked anything. They waited for me to open my eyes and take a breath. I looked at Doctor Marlowe. It was always hard to go past this point. Sometimes I could; sometimes I couldn't.