Celeste (Gemini 1)

Mommy opened her eyes and looked at me, strangely at first, and then calmly, nodding at the door. I hurried ahead to open it, and they all walked up.

"I'll be fine now Mommy said, turning to the man helping her. "Thank you. Thank you both."

"You really should have let the doctor look you over and do those tests. Mrs. Atwell," he said. He turned to me. "Keep an eye on her," he said.

They turned and went to the second car. "What happened. Mommy?"

"Let's just go in," she said quickly, and we entered the house. She closed the door, took a breath, and walked to the living room.

I followed and watched her move as quickly as she could to Great-Grandad Jordan's chair. Once she was in it, she looked relieved.

"What happened?"

"I fainted in the lawyer's office. They took me to the hospital before I could protest, and then those two attendants insisted they take me home and not let me drive myself. I'm fine," she insisted,

"Why did you faint?"

She shook her head, looked away, and then turned back.

"Maybe it was just too hard to be forced to remember everything, losing... losing a precious child like that and being made to acknowledge it. It was just like going to a funeral, watching the coffin lowered, the dirt cast over it, facing the reality. My heart skipped beats and I lost my breath. I'll be fine." she insisted. "I just need some rest. Get me a glass of cold water," she told me. and I hurried to do it.

She drank it slowly, and then she l

eaned back and smiled at me.

"We'll be all right." she said. "This is nothing." She closed her eyes a moment and then opened them quickly. "Did I see you were at the cemetery when we drove up to the house?"

"Yes." I said.

"Why?" she asked.

"I,.. I was hoping... I wanted to..." Her eyes grew small.

"You didn't do anything you shouldn't have done, did you. Noble?"

"No," I said quickly, maybe too quickly.

"If we weaken our fortress, they will come marching in," she assured me.

I bit down on my lower lip as she studied my face. "Go make yourself something for dinner," she said. "What about you. Mommy?"'

"I'm just going to sit here and rest. Go on she said.Ill be all right now."

I hesitated, and then I started out. At the door I turned back to look at her. She had her eyes closed and her head back. and she looked like she had aged years.

It couldn't be just the thought of losing a child, could it. I wondered? How many times did she relive it? Why did our attorney have to force her to face it again? Why couldn't people just leave us alone?

Maybe it had to do with something else. Maybe it was because of how I had strayed and how I had let my mind wander and dream and fantasize. Mommy always warned me they could read my thoughts.

This is my fault. I concluded.

Somehow, some way, this is my fault. I had to try harder to be good.

Why was it that voices inside me were warning me it would be more and more difficult to do?

I trembled inside just the way Mommy often did when she sensed something dark and dreadful was nearby.

Only it wasn't just nearby for me. I thought.