Celeste (Gemini 1)

"It's what my mother wants," I said. I was feeling like I was talking in my sleep.

"She's crazy. Your mother's really crazy. Maybe I should tell people. Maybe I should get you out of that house. Maybe you could even come live with us," he said laughing. "Just think of that.

I shook my head, and then I couldn't help sobbing. Real, thick hot tears began to streak down my cheeks.

"Take it easy." I heard him say. "I'm just kidding. You want to live with a loony woman, live with her. I won't tell. We have a good thing going. Don't worry about it. Relax," he said, and he was over me again.

This time I really felt as if I was floating. My body was supple beneath him. He turned and molded me to him easily. All resistance was drained out of me. I thought about my rag dolls, and I imagined I had turned into one. I went from crying to laughing, and he started laughing. too. When it was over, he was even more pleased and kept complimenting me.

"We're going to have good times," he said. "I'll make up for all you've missed. That's a promise. I don't want to keep calling you Noble. though. It makes me feel... queer. What should I call you? Huh? What?"

I looked at him.

"Celeste," I said, and the moment I said it. I felt I had done something worse than Judas had done. However, he didn't understand.

"Naw," he said. "I don't like that name. I'm going to call you Jane. You can call me Tarzan," he declared and howled and beat his chest.

I thought he was very funny. He got up and paraded around our blanket naked, pretending to be an ape. He lit himself another marijuana joint. Slowly, I began to return to earth. I felt myself falling back like a balloon that leaked air, and it was truly as if I was bouncing about the blanket. My stomach rumbled now. too. While he smoked and howled and laughed at his own silly remarks. I managed to get dressed.

He finally realized it and said. "Yeah, Ive got to get going. too."

He started to dress, but stopped every few moments to laugh and howl. I had never seen anyone drunk, but it seemed to me this was what it was like. Still puffing on his marijuana, he completed his dressing, and then he seized my hand.

"Come on." he urged. "Walk me back."

"No." I said shaking my head. "I've got to get home before my mother returns from her errands."

"You got time. I want to know more." he insisted. "Walk," he said and tugged me so hard. I stumbled forward and almost fell. That put him into another fit of laughter.

"What about your blanket?" I asked, turning back.

"Leave it. We'll use it tomorrow and tomorrow and tomorrow," he replied, which made him laugh again.

We stumbled through some brush and into the woods until we reached the edge of the creek, him pulling me along and holding onto my hand as if he was a blind person who needed me alongside. He did seem to have trouble navigating. He even banged his shoulder against a tree. I kept telling him I had to get home, but he just laughed and surged forward until we reached the water.

At this particular side of the creek, there were a series of large rocks that ran across to the other side. The water was still at a high level and rushing along the sides. The rocks gleamed like chunks of ice when the sun broke through some clouds.

"My shortcut." Elliot said, waving at the rocks. He stood there smiling stupidly at me. "I have an idea. Tomorrow, how about you come to me. I'm getting tired of this woods. My sister won't be home. She's onto a new boyfriend, and she goes to his house every afternoon. My father's on his daytime schedule this month, so we'll have the house to ourselves. I sorta like the idea of your being in my bed. and I bet you will love it, too." he added. "Just appear at the back door the same time."

He waved at the air between us as if that was that. Then he stared out at the creek a moment like someone who was indecisive. He was still holding tightly to my hand.

"I have to go home

," I said softly.

"Huh? Oh. Yeah." He seemed to have difficulty focusing on me. "You didn't tell me much more about yourself and your mother. I want to hear it all tomorrow, understand? Understand?" He asked, raising his voice.

"Yes. yes. I understand," I said.

"Okay." He nodded and looked across the creek. "Okay."

He let go of me and started to cross. paused. and looked back.

"You're not gain' g to pretend to be a boy forever, you know," he said.

It sounded like a prediction, and his face was so different, even his voice was changed when he spoke. I wondered if some spirit was speaking through him.

He returned to his navigating over the rocks. I stood for a moment watching him. He slipped once and got his right foot soaked.