Celeste (Gemini 1)

"Good. good." She looked about the room with her eves small and intense, and then she stopped and charged forward, ripping a picture of Daddy and us off the wall. "Every picture of her, every image," she whispered and left with it snugly under her arm.

I lay back, my heart thumping.

Then I heard Celestes voice calling to me. I put my hands over my tars.

"No!" I screamed. Mommy returned. "What is it?"

"Her voice." I said. She smiled.

"Good." she said. "That's good. Shut her out," she said, turned off the lights and closed the door.

Silence was soothing. I closed my eyes and tried to think only Noble's thoughts, dream only his dreams. A trail of red ants marched across my eyes, and I counted them into sleep.

Mommy was already at work when I awoke. I could hear her carrying things down from the turret. I hurriedly washed and dressed.

"There's no time for breakfast," she told me when I descended the stairs. "Go out and start digging."

I went to the barn to get the shovel, and then I went quickly to the cemetery. The sky was clouding over quickly, and some of the clouds rolling in from the east looked black and blue. The air was still but heavy. It made it more difficult to work. The ground in the old cemetery was like cement. too. Every few inches. I seemed to run into a rock that I had to dig out and pry away from the soil.

It began to rain, slowly at first, just a slight drizzle, and then a more intense shower. Mommy came out and inspected my work.

"You're going too slowly," she said. "Work faster, work harder."

The rain began to pound around us, and the wind picked up and drove it over the farm in sheets that soaked me through my clothing, but Mommy didn't care. My hole in the around softened and the sides turned to mud, caving in with every spoonful I brought out. I felt like someone going in a circle.

"We should wait for the rain to stop," I told her.

"No," she said. "Work."

The rain didn't let up for a moment now. I was so tired and so soaked. I began to lose my footing and slip with every thrust of my shovel. The wet earth was far heavier than before. so I couldn't dig as much or as fast. The ground continued to give way around the grave. There was even a small pool of water at the bottom.

The futility of it all put a look of utter terror into Mommy. She spun about, searching for a new idea, and then finally, seeing me work without results, told me to stop. I was aching all over. so I didn't think much of the pains in my abdomen. We both headed back to the house, and on the porch, she had me take off my muddied and soaked clothing. I was shivering badly now. She told me to go in and upstairs before she undid the gauze around my breasts.

In the hallway was the pile of items she had found that even in the slightest way related to Celeste. Of course, all of the clothing, every toy, but even birthday cards. drawings Daddy had loved and were once pinned to the refrigerator, every school lesson and test, pens, pencils she used, her toothbrush, hairbrush, and things that could have been anyone's, like soap, washcloths, even the rug that once was at the foot of her bed. Mommy was ridding the house of anything Celeste had touched!

I stared, amazed, and then I heard her come in behind me and I started up the stairs. She followed me to my bathroom, and she began to undo the gauze, mumbling about the rain. Mud had literally seeped through my clothes and stained my skin. I was still dripping from my hair, short as it was.

"You'll take a hot bath," she decided. "I don't need you getting sick on me right now. Now we need to --"

She paused and stared at me, and then her face seemed to twist so hard to the right that it looked like it might slip off her skull. She brought her hands to her heart and pressed them against her chest. Her mouth moved, but nothing came out for a moment.

I couldn't speak.

I turned instead and looked into the full-length mirror against the inside of the bathroom door.

A thin trickle of blood was crawling down the inside of my right thigh. The cramps in my stomach grew more intense as I looked at myself.

I turned back to Mommy, white fear freezing my heart.

She stepped forward, took my shoulders in her hands, and shook me hard as she brought her eyes to bear down into mine.

"Celeste she said in a hoarse whisper. "you will go back. You will, None of this will make a difference," she concluded and then went to the medicine cabinet. She fashioned another gauze bandage, this one into a pad.

"Think of this only as what it is, an injury, an injury Celeste has caused, and like any injury, we will mend it," she said.

She made me take a shower instead of a bath, and then she fastened the new bandage between my leas and told me to rest. My stomach cramps grew worse. I moaned and cried. She brought me some tea made from pennyroyal, one of her herbs. It helped. My stomach stopped aching. She then put a twin of rosemary under my pillow, which she said would drive away evil spirits and illness, and soon I fell asleep. I was so tired from the digging that I slept most of the day.

When I opened my eyes. I was surprised to find my bed surrounded by lit candles. Mommy sat beside me, waiting for my eyes to open.