Dirty Talk (Get Dirty 1)

It’s a cheesy as fuck joke, but I’ve already downed a few glasses, and we’re all at that point where we can set aside our worries and just be silly. Thankfully everyone else is maybe drunker than I am, and they all laugh even if it wasn’t that funny.

Cheers go up, each of them congratulating me. I finish off the glass of Merlot I’m drinking, and just as I set my glass down, my phone rings. I grin, figuring it’s Derrick on a song break on his show.

I hate that I’m missing it tonight, listening in has gotten to be such a daily dirty habit. His voice coming through my stereo, or even my earbuds, all sex and silk, just warms me up for when he whispers dirty things in my ear later, that softness turning to sex just for me. Sure, it’s meant a few nights of working different hours . . . but then again, I’d say the benefits have been more than worth it.

I look at my phone, and see that it’s not Derrick.

It’s Elise. Getting up, I head out into the chilly night air, where it’s not quite so insane and the cool helps me clear my head. Still, the music is easily heard “Hey Elise! What’s up?”

“Kat? Where are you? It’s loud on your end. Can you hear me?”

“Sorry, I’m out with people from work. They loved my new app, we’re sort of celebrating. Why, what’s up?”

“So you’re not listening to the show right now?”

There’s something in Elise’s voice that does more than the cool air to pierce through my wine-induced haze. “No, why? Should I be?”

“Honey,” Elise says, in that voice that she uses whenever shit’s hit the fan somewhere and she knows I’m going to need her to be strong, “I need you to come to my place right now. Wherever you are, whatever you’re doing, just stop and come here now.”

The fact that Elise isn’t telling me what’s going on scares me, and I rub at my face, another part of me already in emergency procedure mode. I need to settle tonight’s bar tab, get a ride, get to Elise, and . . . well, I don’t know from there. Ugh, I hate being buzzed and adult at the same time. “Elise, what’s wrong? What aren’t you telling me?”

“Just come,” Elise says. “Now. Get over here.”

That settles it, I trust her with my life. “I’m on my way.”

I head back into the bar, prepared to make half-hearted excuses, but as soon as he sees me, Tyler sets his drink aside. “You okay?”

“A friend called, something important came up,” I tell him. “Listen, can you cover the tab? I mean, I don’t want to-” I look at the door, the urgency live in my chest.

“You can PayPal me the tab on Monday,” Tyler interrupts, waving me off before hooking a thumb at the assembled crew. “As long as these fuckers don’t drink five thousand dollars of cheap beer and wine, I think we’re okay.”

“Deal. Thanks, Tyler.”

I gather my purse and head out the door, flagging down the first taxi I see to head to Elise’s place. “Hey,” I ask as I settle in, “you got satellite radio?”

“Sure do, this baby’s almost brand new,” the driver says. “Whatcha want me to put on?”

“Think you can put on The Love Whisperer?” I ask. “Channel fifty-seven I think.”

“No problem,” the cabbie says. He turns his dial a few times, and soon enough, The Love Whisperer pops up. “You ain’t the first lady who’s asked to listen to that guy, he’s got a voice that could talk the panties off a mannequin.”

They’re in a song break, and when they come back, my heart skips a beat.

“We’re back everyone,” Susannah says, and I give the radio a raised eyebrow. What the hell? “I’m Susannah Jameson, and welcome back to The Love Whisperer. We’re continuing our evening chat on technology in dating before getting to our special guest tonight. More specifically, how to use technology to spice up your love life, and get you to the bedroom, since some folks need a little help even getting there for some real-time action.”

“Ain’t that the damn truth,” the cabbie mutters.

“So let’s continue our discussion of phone sex and video chat sex, and how it can spice things up for long distance relationships, new hook-ups. Or even for regular Joe-and-Bettys who want to try something a little more . . . dirty, raunchy, or dare I say . . . naughty. Whether its Skype, FaceTime, or whatever new app you like, technology can lend a lot of fun to your nighttime activities. Hell, maybe your daytime ones too. But really, once you decide to try a little verbal foreplay beyond just flirting, what do you actually say? Any suggestions, oh Love Whisperer?”

There’s a pause and Derrick’s satin voice comes across the radio, “Just keep it hot, hot, hot, and it’ll do the trick. Guaranteed.”