Gates of Paradise (Casteel 4)

"Like the one my mother had in her room, the toy-model music box she gave me for my birthday?"

"Well, I never thought about that, but yes. I suppose so. Why do you ask?"

"I keep dreaming about it, remembering it and the music and the times she let me look at it when I was a little girl. Sometimes, when I awaken from one of my short naps, I think Pm back home and I look around for my things, listen for Mommy's or Daddy's voices, think about calling for Mrs. Avery, and then . it comes back to me, rushes over me like a cold, dark wave, almost drowning me in the horrible, ugly truth. Am I going crazy, Drake? Is that part of what's happening to me, but no one wants to tell me? Please, you tell me! I've got to know!"

"Your mind's confused by all that's happened, that's all," he said reassuringly. "Memories are jumbled. It's understandable, considering what you've been through. You should have heard the gibberish you were saying when I visited you in Winnerrow." He smiled and shook his head.

"What gibberish?" I was frightened for a moment. Had Drake eavesdropped on my most secret thoughts? Thoughts about Luke?

"All sorts of silly stuff. Don't worry about it," he said, waving the topic away. "And dont worry about how you're going to be treated or about being alone. I'll be nearby all summer, and I can come visit you at Farthinggale Manor on weekends. You're my big responsibility now, Annie, and I mean to take good care of you. But I've got to develop my career objectives and be on my own, too. independence is in my blood. I'm not looking for any handouts from Tony Tatterton. earn what I get and work my way up," he said proudly.

He went on and on about working for Tony and what it could mean for him. His words ran together and I lost track of what he was saying. After a while he saw I wasn't listening. My eyes kept closing.

"Here I am, putting you to sleep, and I just keep on and on," he said and laughed. "Maybe they ought to hire me to help with the insomniacs."

"Oh, I'm sorry, Drake. I didn't mean not to listen. I heard most of what you said and--"

-It's all right. I've probably stayed too long anyway." He stood up.

"Oh no, Drake! I'm so glad you're here!" I cried.

"You need your rest if we expect you to recuperate. I'll come see you again soon. That's a promise. Bye, Annie," he whispered as he leaned over to kiss my cheek. "Don't worry. You'll always have me nearby."

"Thank you, Drake." It was reassuring to know that he would be close, but I couldn't help wishing that Luke would be nearby, too, that somehow he could stay with me at Earthy and help me to recuperate. Maybe then my life wouldn't be as different from what it was back at Winnerrow. I was already dreaming about Luke and I sitting in the bigger gazebo at Farthy, about Luke pushing me about in a wheelchair or sitting at my bedside reading to me as I rested.

The moment Drake left, Mrs. Broadfield approached the bed and pressed the button to raise me into a sitting position.

"It's time for some nourishment," she announced.

I closed my eyes to keep the room from spinning, but I didn't complain this time. More than anything, now, I wanted to get well as fast as I could and get out of this hospital where I was dependent on someone for my food, for my bodily necessities, for my every personal need. And I wanted, more than anything else, to get myself well enough to be taken out to the site of my parents' graves.

I had yet to say good-bye.

SEVEN Season of Darkness

. Tony was true to his promise: everytime he visited me, he brought a different surprise. He came twice a day, once in the late morning and once in the early evening. At first be brought boxes of candy and armfuls of flowers; then he simply had vases of fresh roses delivered every day. The fourth time he visited, he brought me a bottle of jasmine perfume.

"I hope you like it," he said. "It was your greatgrandmother's favorite."

"I remember my mother wore this scent sometimes. Yes, I love it. Thank you, Tony."

I sprayed some on immediately, and when he inhaled the scent, his eyes turned glazed and distant for a few moments. I saw him drift in and out of a recollection. What a complex man he was, and how much like my mother! How soft and caring and very like a little boy, and yet how strong and authoritative he could be! Like a child on a swing, he went back and forth from one personality to the next. A word, a scent, a color would drop him into the past, sink him into a pool of memories. And then, in the next moment, he emerged bright, keen, alert, ready to take charge.

Maybe we weren't so unalike. How often had my mother or father come upon me to find me in a melancholy mood. The simplest things sometimes made me sad: a lone bird on a willow-tree branch, the sound of a car horn in the distance, even the laughter of little children. Suddenly I would find myself lost in my own heavy thoughts, and then, just as suddenly, I would step out of the shadows and return to the sunlight, unable to explain why I had been sad. Once, my mother found me with tears streaming down my cheeks. I was sitting in the living room, staring out at the trees and blue sky.

"Why are you crying, Annie?" she asked, and I looked at her with confusion at first. Then I touched my cheeks and felt the warm drops.

I couldn't explain why the tears had burst forth. It just happened

The next time Tony arrived at the hospital, his chauffeur, a man called Miles, accompanied him to carry several boxes. Tony directed him to place them on the table beside the bed. He opened box after box containing different silk nightgowns. The last box held a crimson silk robe.

"It was a color that looked wonderful on your mother." His eyes were bright with his recollection. "I still remember a wonderful crimson dress and jacket I bought her when she attended the Winterhaven School for Girls."

"Mother wasn't happy there," I said,

interrupting his pleasant memory. "She said the other girls treated her mercilessly, and even though they were rich girls, they were not as compassionate and kind as poor people in the Willies could be."

"Yes, yes, but it built her character to contend with them. What strong character she had!