“And?”
“That’s it,” I said firmly.
Her eyes pooled with disappointment, but a new thought brightened them. “What do you know about Daddy’s girlfriend? Are they living together? He didn’t talk much when he brought me over here. He could have been a limo driver. So?”
“She’s very nice, witty, and funny.”
“Can’t you come up with more? Witty. What’s witty, anyway?”
“Someone with interesting conversation, insights. Not boring to talk to,” I explained. “Loquacious.”
“Very funny. Always the English teacher.” She looked down. “I’ve probably fallen so far behind in school. They have classes, but they’re run by teachers who look terrified most of the time. And so many in my classes are so backward that most of the time is spent on remedial work. Anyway,” she said, getting off the bed, “I don’t want to think about it. Let’s just think about what to wear at dinner. Who’s going to be here? Not Daddy and his girlfriend, so who?”
“Just us, Mother, and Irene.”
“Who is this Irene? She looks like she belongs where I am.”
“She’s very nice, Haylee, and has done Mother a lot of good. She’s a psychiatric nurse.”
“I knew it. More analysis and eyes full of microscopes. Okay. We’ll make the best of it.” She opened her closet. “What to wear, what to wear. I haven’t had that to think about for some time, although Cedar said it wouldn’t matter, I’d look great in a sack. That’s where he would like to get me, by the way. We’re working on it.”
“Why don’t we each choose something and then see what we’ve picked?” I suggested.
“Testing? You expect we’ll miraculously choose the same thing? Want to see if we still would?”
“Maybe,” I said nonchalantly.
“You are different.” Her eyes narrowed. “And you’re not telling me everything, but you will,” she said. “You will.”
She hadn’t lost her self-confidence. That was certain.
“I forgot what I had in this closet. And these colors Mother chose for my room are making me nuts. Maybe I’ll sleep with you tonight.”
“That would really hurt Mother. Not a wise thing to do, Haylee.”
“I suppose you’re right. Pretend, pretend, pretend. I thought those days were gone. You’re actually very lucky to be living away from this place.”
“I had no choice,” I said. She was bordering on forcing me to break our pinkie promise, and she knew it.
“Well, I’m taking a shower and doing my fingers and toenails, something I haven’t done since I don’t know when. I want to put on some makeup, too. We’re not permitted to do that. We’re lucky to be able to brush our teeth.”
I stood there waiting to see just how much she was going to tell me about her treatment and life in the institution.
She glanced at me and seemed to snap back into the present. “Oh, I forgot those black suede booties. Remember when I talked Mother into buying them for us? She practically measured the heels on each pair to the tenth of a millimeter to be sure they were exact.”
“I’d better go and consider my wardrobe, or I’ll be influenced about what to choose,” I said.
The truth was that this initial confronting of her and the way she was behaving were making me a little sick inside. I wasn’t sure exactly what I’d been hoping for, but I knew it had something to do with some sign of remorse. She was more like Mother, sweeping the recent past under the rug and finding blame with anyone who made the slightest reference to it. To survive simply meant to forget. Shelve the nightmares and bury the anger, unless you wanted to live with hate and vengeance alive and well at your side. Haylee’s psychiatrist and my therapist were on the same page when it came to moving forward. Maybe my father was right the first time. Therapy and psychoanalysis were all voodoo. No one was guilty. Everything was the fault of some twisted psychological issue. Right and wrong had meaning only on final school exams.
Haylee had said she was sorry, but she had also rationalized it well. I was sure she had used those excuses from the day she was caught and probably believed them all herself now. What point was there in expecting anything more?
I did like those booties Haylee had mentioned, but I also liked my tan suede-tasseled ankle boots with the zippered sides. They had only one-inch heels. I had worn them just once and had not taken them with me to Littlefield. I selected the camel-colored dress to wear with them. It had a tan belt. I decided not to wear any makeup. I was consciously trying to be different from Haylee now. The novelty of miraculously choosing the same things to wear whenever we were left to do it was gone.
Were the Mirror Sisters gone?
Haylee was still working on her makeup when I stepped out to go downstairs. She was sitting at her vanity table in her bra and panties and didn’t see me look into her room. I stepped away quickly.
“I’ll be downstairs,” I called, and hurried away before she could ask to see what I had chosen to wear.