Dirty Secrets (Get Dirty 4)

“Too soon?”

He coughs and shakes his head. “No, and no, I didn’t kill him. Dude saw me and bolted out of there like his ass was on fire, yelling he didn’t know she was married. Didn’t even put his clothes on, just scooped up his pants like a fumbled football. He’s not the one I was mad at anyway.”

His voice gets hard, bitterness seeping in at the edges, “She’s the one that stood up there in a white fucking dress, promising me forever, in front of everyone we knew and cared about. We talked about my deployments, had a plan so she wouldn’t be left alone. She just changed her mind? Or fell out of love? Or fucking got bored? I don’t know what the fuck she was thinking, but I know it’s over. I packed my shit and got the hell outta there.”

I nod in understanding. “I’m so sorry. I don’t know what to say other than that sucks and I’m sorry. Anything you need, I’m here for you, brother. TJ—” I stop myself. “Fuck, I want to kick her ass for you!”

The corners of his mouth tilt up just a tiny bit, and he lets out a watery sigh that tells me the worst of the storm is past.

“No, don’t do that, even though it might be fun to watch, and the thought that you would means a lot.”

We hug, and when we lean, back I punch TJ lightly in the chest. “Don’t forget, I fought Susannah Brighton for you in the fourth grade when she stole your lunch money. I can sure lay a beatdown on Janine now if need be. You’d just have to hold my earrings because something tells me that bitch would fight dirtier than old Susannah.”

It’s a weak attempt at humor, but it seems to break him out of the dark pit he’s circling. I’m still shocked she’d be that cruel, and if I were anywhere near where she is, I’d be smacking that bitch up right properly.

“Seriously TJ, I’m sorry. You deserve better than that.”

His brave shrug is half-hearted, but his broken heart is painfully obvious on his face. “I know that, but there are nights I blame myself too. Lot of what-ifs, like what if I’d made her my number-one and not the uniform. I made my move to be here for her, but I guess it was too little, too late.”

I grab the shaggy sides of his hair, forcing him to look at me. “You listen and you listen good, Mister. This is her screw-up. She made those promises, and she’s the one who went back on her word. You did exactly what you said you’d do, and she didn’t. This is not on you. You’re one of the best people I know, and you deserve better than her.”

“Thanks, Allie-Gator.”

Slowly, our conversation starts up again, returning to the safe zone of banal chatter about his buddies overseas and all the things he’s seen and done. I think the distraction is good for him, at least for a bit, and we studiously avoid discussing Janine or Dominick for the rest of the night. As the clock hits midnight, he staggers up, weaving a little before walking toward my bathroom.

“I think I’m gonna need to crash on your couch tonight, Sis. That is, if your boytoy isn’t coming back for a midnight booty call?”

“It’s so not like that, assface.”

He smirks, planting a hand on the doorframe of my bathroom. “Too soon?”

That’s it. I grab a pillow and toss it at him, hitting him squarely in the nose, a trick I probably couldn’t repeat if I wanted to.

“Keep it up, GI Joe. You’re welcome to the couch, and if Dom does show back up, I’ll make sure to keep the moans and screams to an uncomfortable level. ‘Oh, Daddy, just like that!’ ”

TJ blinks before pretending to gag, reminding me of when we were kids and I was asked out for my first date. He’d somehow just watched The Girl Next Door and told me Robbie Jenkins was going to shove his tongue in my mouth. I’d thought he was kidding, going on and on about how gross that was until he was rolling on the floor, laughing at my innocence.

“You’re welcome to my couch for as many nights as you want, TJ. You know that, right?”

His voice filters through the bathroom door, where I’m glad he’s at least learned to close it behind him. As a kid, I had to listen to too much. “It’s just tonight. I’ve got a room while I’m in town.”

“Fuck that!” I argue. “No, you’ll stay here. That’s what family is for.”

There’s silence from the bathroom until the toilet flushes and TJ comes out, wiping at his mouth like he always does after he’s used mouthwash.

“Allie, I’m doing good right now, especially considering our night. But it hits me sometimes, and I don’t want to have a breakdown in front of my sister again. I just need some space. But thanks for tonight.”