Broken Flower (Early Spring 1)

Ian was always promising something like that, but not to get rid of me. I really believed he meant it and might even have made a note in his journal. I knew he kept one in which he made notations about things he observed and learned. No one was allowed to see it, not even Mama. He kept it locked up in his desk drawer.

"What exactly did the doctor or Mother tell you about your period?" he asked as we walked down the well-manicured lawn path that veered around the house and back toward the pool, the cabana, and the tennis court Daddy used with his friends from time to time.

"It will come every month," I recited, "but it won't kill me."

"Hardly. That's it? Nothing about female egg production in your body?"

"Eggs in my body? No," I said, grimacing.

"They are called eggs, but they don't look like the eggs we eat for breakfast, Jordan."

He looked back and then he took out his papers and pulled one out to show me a picture.

"Sit here," he said, nodding at one of the decorative iron benches on Grandmother Emma's front lawn. I did and he sat beside me. "See, this is a female egg. It's really just a cell called an ovum. Once a month your brain sends a message to your reproductive organs to release an egg to receive the sperm."

"What's that?"

He showed me another picture. "Looks like a..."

"Tadpole?"

"Yes," I said.

"It actually swims inside you, inside the female, trying to get to the egg. If it does and it's successful, conception or the creation of a baby starts inside the female. There are literally thousands of them at once."

"Babies?"

"No, Jordan. Sperm."

I looked at the two pictures and shook my head. I couldn't imagine how these two things could become a baby, but if Ian said they did. I was sure they did. And thousands of tadpoles? How did they all fit inside anyway? I was getting suspicious. Was this real or something Ian was creating like one of his science fiction stories?

"Where does this tadpole come from?" I asked.

"From the male, from out of his penis," he said. "He puts it into the female through her vagina," he added, and I popped up like toast in a toaster. What a horrible idea!

"You're lying to me, Ian. And you're being disgusting, too!" He shook his head. "Why do you say that?"

"Who would let someone pee into her? 1 don't know why you're lying, but it's not funny," I said, and walked away quickly. I headed toward the rear of the house. I felt like throwing up our dinner. The very thought of what Ian told me made me shiver.

Ian caught up with me quickly and tugged my arm. "I understand why you're upset," he said. "You're way too young for this, but your body is forcing you to learn it and you'd better," he warned.

I spun on him. "Mama never said anything terrible like that."

He sighed and shook his head. "Believe me, Jordan, she will. She's just overwhelmed,'" he said.

"Why do you know everything?"

"There's no point in getting mad at me, Jordan. You can't get rid of the message by killing the messenger."

"What's that mean? I don't know what you say most of the time."

He produced the rest of his sheets. "There's a lot more to explain and I have the illustrations to show you."

"I don't want to see it!" I cried. I did start to burst into tears. "Stop it!"

I ran this time and went all the way to the pool before stopping. From this position. I could see Grandmother Emma's bedroom. Her lights were on, but her curtains were drawn closed. That didn't mean she wasn't peering out at us. There were many times I caught her doing that.

Who cares? Let her, I thought, and flopped onto a pool lounge. I folded my arms tightly across my chest and stared defiantly at the house. It suddenly looked more like a fortress, a castle with a dungeon and a torture chamber just waiting for me.