Broken Flower (Early Spring 1)

She tilted her head a bit and looked at me. "While your parents are recuperating. I am in charge of both of you," she said. "I am responsible for your well-being. When your mother comes back, if she wants you to return to that bedroom, we'll discuss it then.

"In the meantime, you will be just across the hallway from me and I will feel much better about it. Is that all right with you?' she asked. She didn't ask it in a tone of voice that said she really cared about my opinion. It was more like. It had better be.

I nodded.

"Well, I'm happy we have that issue resolved," she said. "Get used to the room, pick out something to wear to dinner, and get yourself ready. We'll go down to dinner in exactly an hour," she added, glancing at her watch.

"What about Ian?"

"Don't worry about Ian. I'll make sure he's aware of everything.' she said.

"Are we going back to the hospital to see Daddy?"

"Yes, of course, but not for a few days. It's better to let him rest and recover enough so he can enjoy your visit."

"He'll be very, very sad when he learns he can't walk.'

"Yes, I'm sure," she said.

"When will I see Mama?"

"As soon as I have completed all the arrangements and we have her settled. Anything else you want to know?" she asked petulantly.

I looked around the room. Even though my things were in it now, it still looked cold and unfriendly to me.

"I don't like it here," I said. Without any of Daddy's things, it didn't hold the magic I had hoped it would. The guest room downstairs was nicer. I thought.

"Yes, well, as you will discover about most things in your life. Jordan, it's a matter of growing accustomed to it. And youwill." she said. Again, it sounded more like. You had better.

She turned and walked out, closing the door behind her. I stood there feeling alone and afraid, as if I was standing on an icy mountain and would start sliding down any moment. I couldn't help it. I just stood there crying. In a matter of mere hours, our lives had been turned entirely upside down and there wasn't anything either Ian or I could do about it. With both our parents out of the house, Grandmother Emma's hold over us was truly ironclad.

Because of what she had seen Ian doing with me, her view of him, the way she spoke to him, was even firmer and colder than it had been. He didn't speak back to her or disagree in any way with anything she told him to do. He had always been able to shut himself off from everyone else anyway. Now, even the tiny windows he had permitted to be open to his world were closed. For a long moment at dinner that first night. I looked at him in the same way he had gotten me to see the caterpillar. He looked like he had curled up, only this wasn't with hope. It was with total withdrawal. I had the sense he would never straighten out again. He would be gone forever.

I think this pleased Grandmother Emma. She didn't mind Ian's silence and withdrawal. She was happy to act as if he wasn't really there and turn all her attention to me. None of the things she directed at me was directed at Ian. It was as though my parents' accident had paved the way for her to shape me in her image, finally and forever. Mama had been a buffer between us, a shield, and that was gone. I was now clay in her hands.

She began that night by instructing me about how to sit at the dinner table.

"I'm not asking you to sit stiffly. Jordan, but you should work on that slouch. I've told you before that when you're not eating, you should put your hands in your lap. That way you won't fuss with your implements or do anything to distract others. Children your age are always fidgeting.

"The daughters and granddaughters of some of my friends have been incorrectly told never to put their elbows on the table. It's far more graceful for a woman to have her elbows on the table when she is conversing and leaning toward someone.

"But don't tip your chair or rock it. Your mother often reaches across you or Ian to get something. That's not proper. You can reach for something as long as you don't go across someone else's plate,"

She lectured throughout the dinner. I listened but I didn't say anything. I was happy when we were finished eating because I was so nervous I didn't enjoy anything or even remember tasting anything.

"Are you calling the hospital?" Ian asked her, finally lifting his gaze from his food or just down at the table.

"I have already,'" she said. "Nothing's changed except arrangements to move your mother have been completed. She'll be going in the morning.

"You've both had a very hard and emotional day," she added quickly, turning mainly to me. "I want you to go right up to your rooms, read or watch television until nine P.M., and then go to sleep.

''Jordan. I will come to your room early to be sure you've taken your medication. Tomorrow. I will call Dr. Dell'Acqua and arrange for another visit. I'd like to have a better understanding of your condition and treatment. I'm not sure all the right questions have been addressed."

"What would you have done if we were still up at the cabin?" Ian asked her.

For a moment she looked like she wouldn't answer. She didn't even turn to him. Then she did so, very slowly.

"You're not at the cabin any longer, Ian. You're here. She's here and all of the responsibility for both of you, especially Jordan, has fallen on my shoulders. Parents today don't have the same sense of obligation and concern that people of my generation had and have." she continued.