Heartsong (Logan 2)

Thoughts and feelings that were definitely wrong,

even sinful, Uncle Jacob would call them. I couldn't

help wondering if the feelings Cary claimed to have

for me were really leftover desires he'd had for Laura.

Would I ever be loved or wanted for who I really

was? But even as these thoughts flew through my

mind I felt my body respond to Cary, felt the

undeniable pull in my most secret places. What was

wrong with me that I could feel both repulsed and

attracted at the same time?

Perhaps Uncle Jacob was right, perhaps I was

truly a sinful wanton. Maybe there was something

flowing through our veins, something lustful, sinful,

evil. After all, I thought, I am Haille Logan's

daughter. Maybe I would hurt Cary just the way Mommy had hurt young men, men like Kenneth Childs. Cary took a step toward me and I moved

quickly to seize the tray and step around him. "I'll take it down now," I said, avoiding his

eyes. I knew if I looked, I would find two dark pools

of disappointment.

When I reached the bottom of the stairway and

turned, I saw Uncle Jacob in his chair listening to the

news on the radio. May was sprawled on the rug by

his feet, reading. Of course, she didn't hear me. Uncle

Jacob's eyes fixed on me a moment and then shifted

away, guiltily, I thought. I continued to the kitchen. Aunt Sara wasn't there and the dishes were still

piled in the sink. I rinsed mine off and put them in,

too. I was going to clean up for her, but I was curious

where she was. I saw that the back door was slightly

open, so I went to it and peered out. There she was,

sitting alone on the small bench, her arms folded

across her chest, gazing into the darkness.