Heartsong (Logan 2)

"What's going on? Where's your father?" I asked.

"He . . . had chest pains at Grandma Olivia's," Cary said, "so we had to rush him to the hospital. The doctors said he had a heart attack."

"Oh no! Is he--"

"He's still alive, but he's critical," Cary said. "We were there most of the day."

I bit down on my lower lip and then rushed to help Aunt Sara go to the house.

"I'm all right," she said. "We've got to stay strong. No one's really eaten all day. See to May," she said. "I'll fix us some dinner."

"Oh no, Aunt Sara. Let me do it."

"No, no. I have to do it. I always do it. See to May," she said.

May looked like a small flower, wilted, her little face pale, her eyes wide and full of fear. I embraced her and we all went into the house. At the stairway, Cary turned to me, his eyes wet with tears.

"He's going to die," he said. "I know he is."

"No, Cary. Don't say that."

"I did it to him, you know."

I shook my head.

"Yes, it was my fault. I drove him away just the way I drove Laura and they both left angry at me."

"No," I insisted, but he turned and started up the stairs to his attic hideaway, his shoulders slumped, his head down, drowning in his own guilt.

May clung to me harder. Her little hands moved like small sparrows seeking answers and all I could do was keep telling her it would be all right. Everything would be all right.

My hands trembled like lips caught in lies as I signed.

If there was any place on earth where everything wouldn't be all right, it was in this house, I thought, and took her back with me to the kitchen to help Aunt Sara face another night of agony and loneliness.

11

Last Confession

.

Aunt Sara had prepared a meat loaf for us

before she left for the brunch at Grandma Olivia's. She moved about the kitchen like a robot, not really looking at things. Her eyes resembled two glass orbs, lifeless on the outside with no light of their own, merely reflecting what was in front of her. I imagined that inside, her thoughts were lightning bugs zigzagging from one end of her head to the other, tracing her fears, anxieties, and sorrow across the black wall of her despair.

May set the table and I worked on the mashed potatoes while Aunt Sara checked her meat loaf and prepared some steamed vegetables. We all kept busy, avoiding each other, and taking solace in our labors.

"We were just sitting around talking," she suddenly began as if she had heard me ask what had happened.

"Everyone was having a good time. The food was as delicious as ever and Samuel was very jolly, I thought. Olivia had invited Congressman Dunlap and his wife Joan. We were all having such a good time."

She paused to look at me.

"Olivia was very concerned about you. She asked me dozens of questions, wanting to know how you were, what you had been doing, how well you were getting along at your job. She was very disappointed about your not coming. I think Samuel was even more disappointed. The judge kept asking about you, too. Finally, Congressman Dunlap burst out with, 'Who is this young lady everyone is so interested in? I have to meet her.'

"Everyone laughed. Even Jacob."

"What about Cary?" I asked.