My Sweet Audrina (Audrina 1)

Refusing to say more, I began the bacon that Papa ordered. Again he picked up the newspaper and began to read. Until lately the newspapers had never been delivered to our house but had been mailed. I frowned as I gave this some thought. “Papa,” I said, dropping bread into the toaster, “why do you need the morning paper now, when you didn’t want it before Momma died?”

“It is just something to do, love, besides argue with your aunt.”

His words brought my aunt striding into the kitchen. The moment she saw what I was doing, she shoved me aside and took over turning the bacon.

Breakfast was over before my aunt said one word, then quietly came her information. “She’s gone, Damian.”

“Who’s gone?” he asked blandly, turning the newspaper before he neatly folded it so he could read the next page.

“Vera’s gone.”

“Good riddance.”

My aunt paled. Her head bowed for a moment, and then she pulled a folded note from her apron pocket. “Here,” she said, handing it to him. “She left this for you on her pillow. I’ve already read it. I’d like you to read it aloud for Audrina to hear.”

“I don’t care to read it, Ellsbeth. She’s your daughter, and I’m sure she’s said nothing that will make my day happier.”

Instead, Ellsbeth handed the note to me. Tears came to my eyes as I read what she’d written.

“Wait a minute, Papa,” I called as he stood to pull on his jacket. “You need to hear this for the good of your own soul.”

For some reason he paused, looking ill at ease as he shifted his weight from one leg to another. He kept his face in profile as I read:

Dear Papa,

You have never allowed me to call you Papa, or Father, but this time I’m going to disobey and call you Papa as Audrina does. You are my father and you know it, my mother knows it, Audrina knows it and I know it.

When I was very young all I wanted was for you to love me, even just a little bit. I used to stay awake at nights plotting all the good things I could do to make you notice me and say, “Thank you, Vera.” But I was never able to win your affection, no matter how hard I tried, so soon I gave up.

I used to watch your wife so I could learn to be like she was—soft-spoken, always well dressed and smelling of perfume, and you spanked me for using her perfume, and spanked me for wearing my good clothes when I played. You spanked me for any reason at all. So I stopped trying to please you, especially after you had “your sweet Audrina,” who could do no wrong. She was the one who pleased you in all ways.

No doubt at this moment as you read this you are glad to be rid of me, since you never wanted me in the first place. I’m sure you’d be happy to see me dead. But you can’t get rid of me so easily. For I’m coming back, Damian Adare, and everybody who made me cry is going to cry ten times more than I ever did.

I won’t give away any secrets in this letter, but there will come a day when all your secrets will be dragged out in the open for all to view. Count on that, dear Papa. Dream about that at night. Think about my dark eyes, which are just like yours, and wonder just what I’ve got in store for you and yours. And remember most of all, you brought it all on yourself by being heartless and cruel to your very own flesh and blood.

Without love now, I am the daughter who will serve you best … and serve you longest.

Vera

Slowly, slowly, Papa turned around and stared at me. “Why did you want me to hear that? Audrina. Don’t you love me either?”

“I don’t know,” I answered in a small, uncertain voice, “except I thought you owed her a great deal she never got. Vera’s gone, Papa—and she told you the truth. You didn’t listen when she talked. You tried not to see her. You never spoke to her except to order her to do this or do that. Papa, if she is your daughter, don’t you owe her something? Would a little kindness and a little love have been too much to give?”

Papa squared his massive shoulders. “You’ve heard Vera’s side of it, Audrina, not mine. I’m not going to defend my actions. I say this one thing: Beware the day when Vera comes back into our lives. Go down on your knees tonight and pray that she stays away. But for your aunt I would have had her put in some distant boarding school a long, long time ago. There are some who should never have been born.”

Unwaveringly, he looked my aunt in the eyes. I seemed to hear their dark eyes clashing with the sound of swords. It was she who lowered her eyes first, then her head bowed so low her long, straight part showed. Her voice was small and thin when she spoke. “You’ve said enough, Damian. You were right and I was wrong. But she is mine, and I had hopes she’d turn out differently.”

“We all had hopes, didn’t we?” With those words he left the kitchen.

Solving Dilemmas

Alone with Aunt Ellsbeth, I didn’t know what to say. She sat on and on at the kitchen table staring into space. Quietly I cleared the table and filled the dishwasher. Then I lifted Sylvia out of her highchair, washed her face again and took her upstairs with me while I dressed for school.

I tore off my robe, realizing I might be late for the school bus, and searched my drawers for the sweaters I washed each Saturday. Only my old and too small sweaters were in the drawers. Every good cashmere was gone. All the pretty blouses, too, the ones Papa brought home for me from time to time, all gone. Vera must have taken my best clothes that fit her. I ran to the chest of drawers to see what else might be missing. She didn’t want my underwear, all that was there, but when I opened the jewelry case that had once been Momma’s, everything of real value left to me by my mother was gone. Even the cuff links and tie clasps meant for my future husband, gone. I cried when I discovered my mother’s engagement ring and wedding band had been stolen, too. How ugly and hateful to rob me of things I treasured so much. All the fine jewelry Momma had inherited from her ancestors had no doubt been hocked in some pawnshop. The only thing left of any value was th

e tiny birthstone ring I always wore on a chain about my neck and the quartz rose that Arden had given me. It’s a wonder she hadn’t tried to take those off while I slept.

When I returned to the kitchen with Sylvia in my arms, I found my aunt still sitting at the table. “Vera took all my good sweaters and blouses, and the jewelry Momma left me.”