My Sweet Audrina (Audrina 1)

His head bowed down into his hands and for a moment his wide shoulders drooped, as if tragedy could touch him after all.

“I knew Ellie would never leave me. I could have given her a million dollars and still she would have stayed on. To live for years in one place puts roots deep into the ground, even when you don’t want that to happen. One day Ellie would tell me she’d be happier somewhere else, but whenever she tried to leave, she found she couldn’t. She used to say she made the biggest mistake of her life when she came back here.”

He didn’t look my way again, but I knew what he was trying to do—brainwash me into thinking I couldn’t exist outside of this house, away from his tender loving care. Telling me how he needed and wanted me to stay on, without saying it directly.

The many clocks in the house ticked away the time, each clock face now synchronized with all the others.

The kitchen faucet dripped-dropped, dropped-dripped …

Sylvia finished eating and took out her prisms and the colors flashed and the chimes in the cupola began to tinkle, tinkle, tinkle.

I shook my head to rid it of the mesmerizing spell being cast, not only by the colors but also by the familiar sounds. Papa had ruined my life by considering me a weakling unable to cope with the truth, when it was he who wasn’t able to cope. He’d lied to brainwash himself as much as me.

And he’d ruined Vera’s life as well by disliking her from the beginning because she filled him with guilt every time he looked at her black, conniving eyes so like his own. But I was going to prove to him what I was made of.

In this house I still clung to the shadows near the walls, and still avoided the colorful patterns on the floor. Still a child, arrested at the age of nine. I’d prove to Papa and to Arden that I could yank up my roots no matter how much it hurt, and from this house I’d flee. I forced myself to pull the suitcases from the closet shelves and with mad determination I began to run about, flinging garments into the bags open on my bed. I didn’t fold anything neatly, just hurled in sweaters, skirts, blouses, and I packed for Sylvia, too.

Heedlessly I threw in my underwear, stuffed in stockings, shoes, handbags, cosmetics … just like Aunt Ellsbeth had done. The clock on my night table read ten after ten, and I set my watch by that. By noon I’d be on my way with Sylvia.

“Audrina,” said Arden, coming into my room to stand close at my side, his arms trying to enfold me, “don’t turn from me.” He pulled me against his chest and tried to put his lips on mine. I moved my head to avoid his kiss. “I love you,” he said fervently, “I’ve always loved you. Terrible things, worse things happen to many people and still they stay together. They find happiness again. Help yourself, Audrina. Be brave. Help me. Help Sylvia.”

But I didn’t want to help anyone if it meant staying on.

I didn’t need Arden now. He’d failed me twice, and it stood to reason he’d fail me a third time, and would perhaps always fail me when I needed him most.

Sobbing, I jerked free of his arms and pushed him away. “I’m leaving you, Arden. I think you are no better than Papa. Both of you should have known better than to try to base my life on lies.”

No words from him this time. Nothing to say as he watched me finish packing. One suitcase full, I struggled to close and lock it. A bit of blouse sleeve showed, but I didn’t care. Arden did nothing to help me as I bore down with all my strength, trying to force it to close. Finally I had it locked. I locked all my bags, five of them. Arden sighed heavily.

“So now you plan to run off to God knows where. You don’t ask me what I want. You don’t care what I want. You won’t listen to reason or explanations. Do you call that justice? Or do you call it spite? Or revenge? Your love is a capricious thing, Audrina. Don’t you owe it to me to stay and see if our marriage can’t be salvaged?”

I didn’t look his way. “I can’t let Sylvia stay here. There’s something strange in this house that holds all memories and makes them part of the future. This house contains too many sorrows to ever let any of us have any joy. Be glad I’m leaving you. Tell yourself each day of your life that you escaped by the skin of your teeth from becoming exactly what my father is, a fraud, a cheat out to steal even from his own daughters.”

He gave me a long, hard look, turned from me and stalked to the door. From there he had to say one last painful thing. “I could say right now that Damian did try to help you, but I guess it’s too late to say that.”

I picked up an expensive paperweight and hurled it at his head. It missed and fell to the floor. He slammed out of the bedroom door.

Minutes later the door opened slowly. Quietly, on poky pussycat feet, Sylvia slipped inside the room and stood silently watching me.

“Yes, Sylvia, I’m leaving and taking you with me. I’ve packed your clothes, and I will buy you new, pretty clothes when we get to where we’re going. This is not a healthy house for you to live out your life in. I want to give you school days, parks to play in, friends your own age. Momma left us both a share of this house, so if ever we wanted to leave Papa would have to give us our share or sell the house. So, let’s happily say goodbye to Whitefern, and hello to much better lives elsewhere.”

Her aqua eyes widened as she inched away from me. Violently she shook her head. “Nooo,” she breathed, putting up her hands as if to ward off an enemy. “Sta… stay here. Home.”

Again I spoke to her about leaving with me, and just as violently as before, she told me in all ways possible without speaking that she would never, never leave Papa, or Whitefern.

I backed away this time. I wouldn’t let her devotion to Papa undermine my determination to go my own way for the first time in my life. Let her stay on with Papa in Whitefern … perhaps they deserved one another, too.

“Goodbye, Papa,” I said an hour later. “Take good care of yourself. Sylvia is going to need you even more after I’m gone.”

Tears coursed down his full cheeks and fell onto his clean shirt.

Papa’s voice followed me as I moved toward the door. I carried only one small bag. I’d come back for the others. “All I ever wanted out of life was one woman to see me as fine and noble. I thought it would be you. Audrina, don’t go. I’ll give you all I possess, everything …”

“You have Sylvia, Papa,” I answered with a tight smile. “Just remember this when I’m gone from this house. You made Vera what she was, as you made me what I am, as you’ve also shaped Sylvia’s destiny. Be kind to her, Papa. Be careful what trail you put her feet upo

n when you begin to tell her tales. I’m not truly convinced—” Here I bit down on my tongue, hesitating when I saw that Sylvia had come to pause in the foyer, just outside the Roman Revival Salon.

Terror lit up Papa’s dark eyes for a brief second. As if he knew Sylvia had mimicked me just once too often, and rocked in that chair many more times than I would let him force me.