Strip Search (Tap That)

They rotated houses for poker and tonight it was at Rick’s. His apartment was over his auto body repair shop and like Axl’s place, was pretty damn tidy for a guy in his late twenties. But Rick had good reason to be clean. He had custody of his little sister River, who was eleven, and he’d grown up with his dad being a hoarder, so he never wanted trash laying around. Jesse wasn’t in town much during hockey season but in the summer he had a rental that he self-described as a flop house. He was not a tidy guy. Clothes fell off of Jesse and didn’t move from their spot on the floor for months.

Sullivan was already pouring his second glass of whiskey as they sat around Rick’s kitchen table. Axl eyed the bottle pointedly. Personally, he wasn’t drinking at all because he had to work tomorrow. Rick had a beer, which he was nursing. Poker night wasn’t about getting drunk, but Sullivan didn’t seem to need much excuse to hit the bottle.

“We’re only on our second hand, Sullivan. Ease up, brother.”

“Fuck off,” was his response. “I didn’t ask for your opinion.”

“Where’s Finn tonight?” Axl asked. Sullivan’s son was over two now and Axl worried about his buddy’s ability to stay sober for his son. He knew Sullivan loved Finn with all his heart. But he also knew that Sullivan looked at Finn and missed Kendra painfully.

Sullivan didn’t bother to answer him. He just threw some chips in his mouth and studied his cards with a scowl.

Rick said, “Sloane is sleeping over at Sullivan’s. River is there too. Between my girlfriend and my sister that kid is going to be spoiled. They’re always doting on him.”

“Must be nice,” Axl said, playing it casual, even though he was worried. But he was glad that Sloane and Rick spent a lot of time looking after Finn. “So I have news,” he said, stretching his legs out under the table.

“Your balls finally dropped?” Sullivan asked, grinning at his own jo

ke.

“Keep drinking and you’ll keep being the only one who finds you funny.” Axl put his cards face down on the table. “I’m getting married. Sort of.”

No one said a damn word and Axl had to admit, he enjoyed the way his words hung in the air. He was never one to rock the boat. Ever.

“To who, a blow-up doll?” Rick asked. “You haven’t even been hooking up with anyone, let alone dating.”

“I know who.” Sullivan looked at him over his whiskey glass, expression smug. “It’s the California girl, isn’t it?”

He nodded. “Yep.”

“Who?” Jesse asked. “What California girl? Is that the chick in that video? You just met her.”

“I may be booze soaked but I still know what’s going on in my bar.” Sullivan took a sip and set his glass down. “Lilly didn’t think she was your type but I recognize a man on the hunt when I see one. But marriage? That definitely doesn’t seem like your style, especially since, as Rick pointed out, you met her about a hot minute ago.”

“I saw the video but I figured if you wanted to talk about it you would,” Rick said. “I mean, other than us giving you shit in our group text. But marriage? Come on.”

He didn’t expect anything less. “Thanks, I appreciate that. Yes, this is Leighton from the video. And while I really dig her, no, this isn’t a real marriage, so don’t worry about me losing my mind. We’re getting married on her show Wedding Crashers, to save both of our asses at work.” Axl explained how he’d gotten reamed by the chief and how Leighton was on the verge of being fired. “The bonus beyond not getting fired is that now my parents will leave me the hell alone about getting married. It’s constant. It ruins every damn holiday.”

“Why does your mother want you to get married so bad?” Jesse asked, tossing a handful of nuts in his mouth. “My mother could care less if I do.”

“Your mother thinks you’re immature,” Sullivan said.

Jesse glared at Sullivan. “No. I think she knows it’s stupid for a guy who is on the road all the time to try to have a wife back home.”

“I swear to God, my mother thinks I have PTSD and that a wife and kids will loosen me up.” It was annoying beyond belief. “It drives me fucking crazy. I don’t like throwing that term around. It’s a real issue with a lot of servicemen and women. I just don’t feel the need to talk unless I have something to say. Apparently that makes me ‘not okay.’ I have my flaws, man, but I’m really pretty mentally stable, if I can say so myself. But my mom is worried that me being single means I am going to die alone, miserable.”

“Your mom is intense, man. She always has been. That’s why we could never hang out at your house as kids,” Rick said.

That was true. They had always been at Sullivan’s because his father let them do whatever the hell they wanted and his mother had skipped town ages before that, when Sullivan was a toddler. “My mother means well, but yeah. She’s a lot to deal with.”

“She’s going to lose her shit when she finds out this is a con.”

“She’s never going to find out.” He was confident in that. “I’m not admitting anything ever. Neither will Leighton. She has her own reasons to keep quiet.”

“Marriage isn’t a joke,” Sullivan said.

“I know that,” he said. He refused to be irritated by Sullivan’s sullen attitude. His friend had good reason to defend the institution of marriage and he respected that, but this was his life, not Sullivan’s. “But reality TV isn’t real. That’s the game and I feel like playing.”

“How’s the sex?” Rick asked with a grin. “Because that kiss on that video was clearly foreplay.”