Broken Compass

Fuck, yeah.

I’m made of need. My dick aches. My stomach is clenched tight. My tongue is in her mouth, and I’m not close enough. Her scent, her skin, her curves, her hands, her lips, I’m drowning in her, and I’m still thirsty for her.

She produces a soft moan that burns through me like a flare, and then she’s pulling away.

“West. West, stop.”

I don’t wanna stop. I’m not sure I can.

Gathering my thoughts, I force myself back. “What is it?”

“We shouldn’t.”

“Why not?” I can’t fucking think straight. Can’t think of a reason why this could be a bad thing. I smooth a thumb over her cheek. So smooth. Like fine velvet. Her mouth is reddened from the kiss. Seeing it that way only muddles my mind more, all blood flowing south, leaving my brain dazed. “Syd…”

She pushes on my chest.

Uncomprehending, I look down at her hand—the hand that was in my hair seconds ago, urging me on as I tasted her mouth.

“Isn’t your granddad coming home soon? I should go,” she says softly. “You know I should, West.”

She twists out from under me, and I open my mouth to deny it, to say something, to make her stay.

I got nothing.

She wants Kash, Nate says.

And Nate wants her.

What am I doing? I thought she wanted this, but I probably caught her by surprise. That has to be why she kissed me back. Fuck, fuck!

She puts a hand over her mouth, then wipes it down over her denim shorts. Her eyes look wet.

Dammit. “Syd, I’m sorr—”

She runs out before I can even finish.

Falling back on the couch, I let my head fall back and close my eyes. I wanted this so badly and fucked it up anyway. I lost control and made everything worse.

Story of my life.

Talking to Nate proves much harder than I thought it would be.

Because he won’t answer me. He ignores my texts, my calls, and won’t open the door when I ring, when I pound on it again and again, until my fists ache and my chest burns.

Grandpa is back—back home, back to his surly, loud ways. Back to putting me down, tearing me to shreds with his words, verbally cutting me open. He’s right, after all. I’m worthless. Ungrateful. Useless. Mental. A freak.

Something my sister doesn’t fail to repeat, making sure I don’t forget it. I’ve lived with this all my life, and it shouldn’t shock me, but after what Grandpa said… about my sis hating me from the start, about the time I came so close to failing her, failing the one task he entrusted me with, about being an obstacle and not a person anymore, trash, not good enough to deserve any affection even as a baby…

For some reason, that hit me harder than ever. Doubled me over like a kick to the stomach, and I haven’t recovered since.

And yet Nate is the one I’m worried about, not myself. Despite our fight, despite the fact he wants the only girl I’ve ever really wanted.

I’m lying in my bed late one night, my phone in my hand, when I hear a heavy thump from the ceiling, coming from above.

I’m on my feet instantly, blood rushing in my ears. I’m pretty sure Nate’s room isn’t on top of mine, but a bad feeling churns in my stomach.

Quietly, not to wake up Grandpa, I get out and climb the stairs, knock on Nate’s apartment door.