New Year Second Chance

“Are you sure about that?”

“Yes.”

I don’t feel like going back yet. Maybe not for a while. But I can’t just disappear off the face of the earth either, as tempting as that sounds.

Work. That’s what I’ll do. Bury myself in work. It’s all I have left going for me anyway.

And who knows? Maybe if I work myself hard enough, I’ll forget that I have a sister who I was once in love with.

Chapter Eighteen

Jenna

“I love you, Shanna,” I whisper as I plant a kiss on top of her curls.

Afterwards, I carefully set her down inside her crib. She shifts to her side but remains asleep. The corners of her lips turn up into a smile.

I smile as well. Ever since she turned one, she’s been easier to take care of. Suddenly, the inexplicable crying episodes have stopped. She sleeps through the whole night now. She’s eating more solids and drinking less milk. And she can amuse herself more now. Sometimes she spends hours in her pen just crawling around and playing with her toys. That’s why I can leave her with my father now while I work at the library, which is a good thing since she’s noisy and likes to tear paper now.

Gently, I brush a curl out of her face. I can’t believe she’s growing up so fast. Soon, she’ll be walking and running. She’ll be going to school. She’ll have ballet lessons. She’ll be playing in Little League. She’ll have friends of her own. She’ll go to their birthday parties and they’ll come to the house for sleepovers. She’ll start asking about boys. Wait. I think that’s going a bit too far ahead.

At any rate, right now, she’s just a baby sleeping peacefully in her crib. No care in the world.

You have no idea how lucky you are.

I’d like to keep watching her, share in her peace, but I still have chores to do so I leave the room and head downstairs.

That’s my routine – morning chores, work, spend time with Shanna, evening chores then sleep. Yup. It’s back to a normal life for me. I’m not complaining. After all the chaos that took place in my life, I’m grateful for this normalcy. I’m glad I got my old life back.

No more bodyguards. No more reporters. No pressure to be perfect.

And no Dax. That’s the only thing I miss.

I’ve tried to forget about him, knowing it’s useless to keep thinking about him. Most of the day, I succeed. In the morning, I’m busy rushing to work and making sure Shanna has everything she needs for her day with my dad. At work, I’m busy lending out books and putting them back in shelves. After work, all my attention is on Shanna, who makes me forget everything else. It’s just this time, this short period of time after Shanna falls asleep and before I hit my own bed, that I feel alone. It’s at this time that I find myself missing Dax.

I know I’m not supposed to, but I can’t help it. He was my first boyfriend, and when he came back into my life, there was a part of me that thought he’d be staying for good. Plus he’s the only man I’ve ever been with, as revolting as that sounds now. Well, it’s not the sex I miss the most. It’s his smile. It’s the conversations, and yes, even the little arguments. It’s the thought that he’s there for me.

Sometimes, I think of calling him and telling him that he’s my brother. Then I’d tell him to come over and hang out with me, you know, just like brothers and sisters do, just so I wouldn’t be lonely. But then I remember all the times we shared and I don’t know how we can settle for less than that. How can we look at each other and not remember what we once were or wish that things were still the same?

It’s impossible, and so there’s only one thing to do – to miss him until I forget all about him.

I lean on a wall and let out a sigh. But damn, is it hard.

“Do you want to tell me about it?” my dad asks me from the couch.

I straighten up quickly. I didn’t realize he was still here in the living room. Shouldn’t he be upstairs?

“I’m fine, Dad,” I tell him. “Aren’t you supposed to be getting ready for bed?”

“Well, right now, I think I’m supposed to be a father to my daughter.”

I give him a puzzled look as I walk towards him. “And what’s that supposed to mean?”

“It means I’m supposed to ask her what’s been bothering her lately,” my dad answers. “And to help her with it.”

The concern and sincerity in his words brings a warmth to my chest. Now, this is what a father should be like.