What She Didn't Know (What She 1)

“She’s gone.” She grabbed my shoulders and forced me to look into her eyes. “She’s gone. But at least you know she’s okay. If Shelly’s here taunting you, Lynn’s okay.”

I nodded. I knew that was true.

“Why don’t you call one of your friends? Go out for a beer? Maybe by the time you get home, something will have changed.” She nudged me. Then she opened her arms, indicating that she wanted a hug. I bent down and swooped her up, making her laugh. When I let her go, she stared up at me and shook her head. Very quietly, she said, “Mason, I know you love her, but if I had to do it all over again, I would have never let you meet her. It’s too hard for you.”

“I love her, Mom,” I reminded her.

“I know you do, Mason. And I love her too. But I love you more.”

I pretended to gasp. “More than work? Oh, my!”

She slapped my arm. “More than anything, Mason.”

I leaned down and kissed her cheek. “I’m going out for a beer.”

“Take a taxi home, okay?”

“I will.”

I went down to the courtyard, still hoping I might catch Shelly, but like my mom said, she was gone. I walked around in the rain until I had to wipe droplets of water from my nose. My phone rang.

I pulled it out and grinned when I saw my best friend’s name on the screen. “This is Dr. Peterson,” I barked, trying to sound so proper. Then I laughed when I heard a grunt.

“Rub it in, asshole,” my buddy said. His name was Malcolm and he was a teacher.

“Did my mommy call you?” I asked.

He chuckled. “Am I supposed to tell you the truth?”

“I thought I was too old for my mother to arrange play dates for me.”

“Apparently not. Meet me at the tavern in twenty minutes.”

He hung up on me. I should be used to that by now. It felt like people were always hanging up on me, even if they weren’t on the phone.

21

A jazz band played bluesy music from the stage, and memories swamped me as I sat down at a high-top table. I glanced down at my watch. It had been more than twenty minutes and Malcolm wasn’t here yet. I stared at the stage, and memories brought me back to the last time I was here.

I’d taken Lynn into my arms and pulled her onto the dance floor. The tempo had changed, turning into something slow and delicious, and I was glad I’d tipped the band manager when I first got here.

Lynn had looked into my eyes, her right hand clasped in mine, and her left around my neck, gently tickling the fine hairs at the base of my skull. She had this way of undoing me, and I was completely and totally undone. Nineteen years I’d known her, and it wasn’t long enough. I needed ninety more.

“Do you ever regret marrying me?” she’d suddenly asked.

I’d startled, pulling my head back so I could look down at her. “Why would you ask something like that?” It was unfathomable.

“Being with me isn’t easy, Mason,” she’d said. “I’m aware of that.” She’d sighed and laid her head upon my chest, swaying slowly with me on the dance floor.

I took her hand and led her to a table. She looked…troubled.

“What’s wrong?” I asked, staring into her eyes.

“Nothing,” she said with a soft smile.

The waitress appeared and I ordered a beer. “Just water,” Lynn said.

“Are you feeling all right?” I absently reached to touch my hand to her forehead and she ducked, laughing at me.