A is for Aiden (Men of ALPHAbet Mountain)

Sammi hesitated, and I heard her taking a breath like she was trying to calm herself down.

“Alright. We need to just settle down and think this through. Before we start panicking about what you would do if you are, we need to get confirmation. It’s not an absolute sure thing right now. Sometimes extreme stress can make you miss your period. That could be what’s going on. Let’s take this one step at a time. I think you should talk to Aiden,” she said. “Maybe he needs to know it’s not a joke.”

I shook my head adamantly, even though I knew she couldn’t see me. “No. Not yet. I don’t want to talk to him until I know for sure. If I’m not, I don’t want it to even be a conversation. This is not the right time for this to be happening. We haven’t even said ‘I love you’ to each other. I don’t even know what he thinks of our relationship or the possibility of a future in the real world after all this is over. And what if it’s never over? What if I spend the rest of my life running from these people?”

“You won’t,” Sammi said. “It’s going to be over. I promise you that. And you and Aiden will figure out what your life will be like.”

“I still don’t want to talk to him about it yet,” I said.

“Okay. That’s your choice. But you need to find out. I can have my dad go get a test for you.”

I thought about this for a second. It would be the most convenient option, but it didn’t feel right. I didn’t want to get anyone else involved in this situation yet. I mostly knew these men. Even if Sammi asked them not to say anything, it would get around that Sammi’s dad got me a pregnancy test. Especially considering the close proximity of all of us while we hid out in Brett’s house. That wasn’t something I wanted circulating. This was something I needed to do on my own.

If I really was pregnant, I wouldn’t be able to just think about myself anymore. Everyone around me couldn’t do it for me. I would have to take care of the baby before it was born and be strong enough to be a mother for it after. Besides, if I was, I knew I would need some time to myself to really think about it before I told Aiden. I would need to process my own feelings and be ready for however he was going to react.

This was something I had to do myself.

I spent the rest of the morning thinking about what I had to do. It was frightening, but I knew how important it was. After lunch, Aiden told me there were a few things he needed to do outside and that he’d be back later. I waited until he had been out for a couple of minutes before taking a deep breath and snatching his keys from where they sat on the side table, thankful Brett had brought Aiden’s truck up to his place yesterday.

Rushing out of the cabin, I jumped behind the wheel of the truck and turned the engine over. Before I could let myself overthink the situation, I pulled back and drove down the drive. As I approached the access road, I heard a voice shouting from behind me. Glancing up in the rearview mirror, I saw Aiden run out and chase me for a few paces.

His face was twisted in an angry expression, and his arms flailed as he continued to shout at me. I couldn’t understand all of his words, but I definitely heard my name, demands that I come back, and a fair sprinkling of profanity thrown in for good measure. I turned my attention away from the mirror and back to the drive ahead of me as I turned onto the access road.

I didn’t know where I was or exactly how to get to the store. All I knew was if I turned right, the access road would eventually lead onto the main road, and that would bring me to town. My anxiety started creeping up as soon as I was off the drive and getting further away from the protective bubble of the cabin. I was very aware of the truck I was driving and the fact that I was the only person in it.

Part of me wanted to turn back, but I forced myself to keep going. I had to do this. I couldn’t just keep wondering. It wasn’t like it was going to go away if I pretended it wasn’t real or if I didn’t find out for sure. As sick as I was already feeling and as much worry as I was going through, I couldn’t just push it aside and keep going without it tearing me apart inside.