The Beginning (The Life 1)

“Can you tell me what your life is like? I’d like to understand. Nothing you tell me will go any further, and I’m not going to judge you.” I had to squeeze her to get her talking, but once she started, it was like a dam had broken. In between racking sobs that I held her through, she told me a story pretty much like the one her housekeeper had told Sheila. Only hearing it repeated in her soft broken voice was ten times worst.

I took it all in, letting her hurt and pain wash over me, taking it into myself as if that would ease her pain, but knowing as much as I’d like it to, it doesn’t work that way. I’d only just started my campaign against Ricci. Nothing major and nothing that would bring any heat back on me. I’d only been testing the waters. But if I get more involved in her shit, I’d have to put mine on hold at least for a while so I could put all my effort into her.

Who am I kidding? I think I knew that the first moment she left me breathless that first day we met. The fear of making her life worst is the only thing keeping me from opening that door. But how much worst will it be if I leave her there after the stunt I’d pulled this weekend? Wouldn’t that be like dangling a carrot in her face and then snatching it away? That might make me even worse than all the other fuck ups in her life.

I became aware of her slight form pressed against me through the thin quilt and something in me, something both innocent and wild, came awake. How could something this fragile be all alone in the world with no one to turn to? But am I the right one? Maybe one of those paper tigers she met tonight… hell no. That thought, more than anything, the idea that she could end up seeking solace from one of those freaks spurred me on to make a decision.

I closed my eyes for a few seconds and went to the calming space in my head. I cleared my thoughts of everything and then brought her back in, only her, nothing else. My heart knew what she needed. I just needed to be sure that I could deliver. It’s going to take a chunk of time, more than I’d planned to give, and will most likely put my own plans on hold for a while.

Just the fact that I was even giving it any thought was enough. Nothing has ever swayed me before, not even my own wellbeing. But her, I’m afraid whatever I might have wanted to keep out, had already crept in when I wasn’t looking. To think of leaving her the way things now feel like a betrayal. I don’t do betrayal. Only men of low morals do.

I opened my eyes again once I came to a decision, one that I hope we can both live with. It wasn’t an easy one, but it’s the one that left me feeling most settled. Damn, it’s only been a week, and she’s already got me putting her needs ahead of mine. Who knows what the hell would happen if I gave her a year?

“If I asked you to trust me, could you do that?”

“What do you mean?” She sat up, and I wiped her face with my fingers. “No more tears.” Please, for the sake of fuck no more, who knows what the hell you’d get me to do next.

“I mean, if I told you that things are going to get better from here on out, would you believe me?”

What the hell am I doing? It feels almost like I’m making promises, something else that I never do. But I can’t help it, can’t stand to see her cry or hear that note of defeat in her voice.

“I don’t know if I can. Everyone else who’s tried has failed. Even my grandma and the aunts had to give up when nothing they tried worked. I’m just afraid that all those beautiful things you bought me will go to waste. There’s no way Becky will let me keep them.” I folded my arms around her, pulling her into my chest, and rocked her comfortingly.

“You’re afraid of her.”

“I’m not sure that it’s fear, more like I’ve learned what to expect and to just go with it since there’s no point in fighting a losing battle.” Nothing I like more than a challenge—time to change the subject before she leads me to murder all the same.

“By the way, I gave you a list of things to work on. Have you looked it over yet?”

“I did, but I don’t understand some of the things you have written on there.”