Healed by the Single Dad Doc

‘No, I don’t.’

And no one could help him with that. Kate supposed that she wasn’t the first person who’d told him that his wife’s death wasn’t his fault, and she probably wouldn’t be the last. He’d grieved, and learned to move forward with his life. But he just couldn’t get rid of the guilt.

‘I really wish I had chocolate.’ Kate puffed out a breath and heard Ethan chuckle quietly.

‘What, you came out without chocolate? That was very remiss of you. Think you’ll make it back?’

‘Not for me, for you. It’s a coping mechanism.’

‘My coping mechanisms are just fine. But thank you for your concern.’

* * *

Kate shot him a look of disbelief but said nothing. Ethan had thought his coping mechanisms were working perfectly until he’d met Kate. He’d accepted that he was responsible for what had happened to Jenna and that what he needed to do from now on was to concentrate on taking care of Sam. That would be very easy if you removed Kate from the mix.

But he couldn’t wish her away. He wouldn’t do that, even if he knew that he was quite capable of failing her. He could call it selfish, or he could call it listening to what Kate had said and believing her.

Here, with Kate sitting so close, believing her seemed like a possibility. When he turned to look at her she was gazing at him, wide-eyed, hair the colour of the flames in front of them and just as unruly.

He stretched out his arm, putting it around her shoulders, and Kate nestled closer. They sat for a long time, watching the fire together, and then finally Ethan reached up, his fingers brushing her cheek.

If he took it slow, then she’d have the chance to stop him at any time. But then Kate pre-empted that by stretching up and planting a kiss on the side of his mouth.

So soft, so very sweet, yet with all the promise of something that might break the both of them if they gave in to it. Ethan wasn’t someone who usually courted danger, but now the risk heightened the pleasure.

His hand moved to the back of her head and he did what he’d been wanting to do for a long time. He kissed her properly.

* * *

As soon as her lips touched his, Kate knew that this was a risk. But, despite all that, she wanted him to kiss her more than she wanted to breathe.

When he did, it was a wild voyage, disc

overing a forgotten pleasure. Finding that she’d been wrong when she’d thought that one kiss couldn’t possibly send shimmers racing through her body, making her fingers tremble and her toes curl. It was breathless, heart-pounding, joy.

‘I’ve been thinking about doing that for a while.’ He whispered the words close to her ear, although even if he’d screamed them no one would have heard. Kate bunched the front of his jacket tight in her fingers.

‘Tell me you’re not planning on making me wait so long for the next one...’

His lips grazed her cheek, sending shivers through her. Maybe this was how it would be if he made love to her. Taking her right to the point of no return, and then slowing, just so that they could both feel the need.

She stretched up, kissing him, and felt Ethan’s arm around her waist, pulling her onto his lap. He kissed her again, demanding this time, and she felt desire begin to pulse deep inside.

No... Too much. Too soon. Mind over matter was one thing, but she hadn’t expected this. Kate drew back, pushing the feeling down before she lost control.

She could see it in his eyes too. The shocked acknowledgement that this wasn’t just a kiss. Which was a problem, because Kate could barely handle just kissing him.

‘I’m sorry, Kate.’

‘It’s all right. I started it.’

‘We both started it, together. And perhaps we both have to end it now.’ Ethan shrugged. ‘I can’t. I don’t think of myself as having the right to do this.’

His guilt again. He’d grieved for his wife, and let that go, but he couldn’t let go of the guilt. Ethan’s world had somehow become smaller, leaving no room for him to move beyond just he and Sam.

‘Maybe I’m not ready for it either.’ These were stolen moments, only possible because tonight Sam happened to be with his grandparents. Kate needed someone to be there on a rather more permanent basis than that.

They were silent for a long time, both staring at the fire. That wasn’t going to do any good. There weren’t any answers there.