Lovers Not Friends

‘I don’t?’ He eyed her coolly. ‘I could have you begging me to take you within five minutes.’ The insolent hauteur with which he spoke made her want to hit him even as her mind acknowledged he was absolutely right. She had been so innocent when they married, so naïve, but the sensual world Blade’s love had opened up for her had swept away all her inhibitions from the first night. She had been shameless in her desire for him, revelling in the precious intimacy they had shared, secure in his love for her. She had never imagined that a man’s body, his lips, his tongue, could fill her with such intense pleasure that the world literally ceased to exist. ‘John is too nice, too placid for you, I know it.’

She was unaware that her face had mirrored her thoughts but as Blade reached out to take her in his arms she jerked away as though his touch burnt her, her eyes cloudy with fear. If he made love to her she was lost, hopelessly lost. She musn’t let it happen, she mustn’t.

‘You are talking about animal desire,’ she said sharply as she moved backwards slowly, her face white against the brilliant gold of her hair. ‘Lust, physical mating, call it what you like.’

‘I called it love,’ he said furiously, his voice low and bitingly cold. ‘I thought you did too.’

‘You were my first lover,’ she said more quietly, her heart breaking even as she forced herself to go on. She had to finish what she had started; it had to end, now. She wouldn’t be able to go through this again. ‘I had nothing to compare you with, no experience. I realise now—’

‘I’m not listening to this.’ He cut off her voice more by the look on his face than by his words. ‘I’m not sure what’s going on, but no one changes this much. You’ve overplayed your hand, Amy. I don’t believe what I’m hearing.’

‘That’s up to you.’ Panic and fear made her voice harsh.

‘Exactly.’ He had never looked more handsome as he stood there in the warm sunshine, his tanned body hard and strong and his eyes devastatingly compelling as they scanned her face. ‘As you said, I was your first lover.’ He crossed muscular arms as he continued to stare into the drowning blue of her eyes. ‘But, as you know, I had had many liaisons before you. If nothing else they enabled me to recognise the real thing when it came along. And no one acts that good, Amy, not you, not anyone. You loved me, you were crazy about me, nothing you can say could convince me otherwise. I admit when I thought John—’ He stopped abruptly. ‘But for once in my life I wasn’t thinking straight. That’s what you did to me, Amy—broke the tradition of a lifetime.’ The self-mockery was hard and caustic and she hardly dared breathe as she stared up into his face. One wrong move from her and they would come together again on this warm grassy hillside and she would never have the strength to break free again. She would destroy them both.

‘Tell me you don’t love me.’ His voice was soft now with a silky sensuality that curled her toes. ‘Look me straight in the face and tell me you don’t love me.’

‘Blade …’ She turned away but he moved swiftly, swinging her round with a sharpness that indicated he wasn’t quite so in control of his feelings as he would have her believe.

‘Tell me.’ His eyes were depthless. ‘And I’ll get out of your life once and for all. That’s a promise.’

His face was so close she could see the thread of laughter lines leading from his eyes and the odd touch of silver in the thick virile hair. It brought home to her how fragile and transient life was. Blade was thirty-six years old, a strong, virile man in the prime of life looking forward to having a family with a young healthy wife. And it couldn’t be. Not with her. She bit her lip hard. This way she was giving him a second chance. He had nothing if she stayed with him.

‘Amy?’ He hadn’t moved a muscle and even the air around them was heavy with expectation.

‘Blade, I don’t …’ Her voice faltered at the steel in his eyes but she swallowed tightly as she clenched her hands into tight fists, her knuckles white. Her whole body was trembling but maybe he hadn’t noticed? She dropped her eyes from his as she ground out the words. ‘I don’t love you.’

‘Not good enough,’ he said steadily. ‘I said you have to look me in the face.’

He had no idea what he was doing to her, she thought desperately. Why had this had to happen to them? It wasn’t fair, none of this was fair! She couldn’t bear it, she couldn’t … She raised her eyes and stared blindly into the blur of his face. ‘I don’t love you.’