Sophie's Voice (Sex and the Season 4)

“Please,” she said, cupping his cheek and drawing him to her. “I promise you I’m all right.”

“That will never happen again. Never.” He closed his eyes. “Go ahead, love. Tell me what you’re thinking.”

Sophie cleared her throat. “The spankings… They unnerved me at first, mostly because I enjoyed them so much. And I couldn’t figure out why, coming from my childhood. Something that was such a heinous part of my life—why would I enjoy it now?”

“It seems pretty clear to me,” Zach said. “You’re taking the punishment for your sister now. You feel a lot of guilt that she took your punishment when you were children, and now you crave it.”

Sophie widened her eyes and let her jaw drop. Was that truly what she was doing? “But why would I…?”

“Sophie, it’s just a theory. You may just enjoy spankings. A lot of women do. But coming from your background, psychologically speaking, it seems to make sense.”

“Oh, but that makes me so…crazy.”

Zach

let out a tiny laugh. “Crazy? You’re about as far from insane as any woman I know. You’re kind and sweet and good. Not to mention achingly beautiful and sensual. If you enjoy the spankings, what does the reason matter? Perhaps you are seeking the punishment your sister took for you. Or perhaps you just like being spanked. If it gives us both pleasure, why should we not do it?” His face fell into anguish again. “Of course, I can’t risk hurting you again.”

Sophie pressed a soft kiss to his lips. “You won’t. I won’t allow you to.”

He swallowed visibly, nodding.

“And what you said about the spanking giving us both pleasure—you sound like Ally. She’s a firm believer in pleasure. But as far as I know, she’s never been spanked.”

“Yes, as far as you know…” Zach gave another small smile.

“If you have a theory as to why I enjoy the spankings,” Sophie said, “do you have a theory why you enjoy giving them?”

Zach wrinkled his forehead. “I never really thought about it. My childhood wasn’t great either. My father died when I was a babe and my mother when I was seven. I begged her not to leave me, but she was ill and so weak, Sophie. We had no relations that I knew of, so I had to beg in the streets until I was old enough to find work.”

Sophie’s heart nearly broke. “Oh, Zach, I’m so sorry. Is that why you ask me not to leave you? Because of your mother?”

Zach arched his eyebrows. “I don’t know. I’ve never thought about that either.”

“I can’t bear the thought of you begging, being hungry.”

“I’ve long gotten past it. I found work in the stables at the home of one of the gentry in London. It was there I realized my love of performing. The young ladies in the household got drama lessons, and I would sneak in and watch them. One time, the instructor, a young man, made them bend over and he smacked their bottoms. I’m not sure why he did, whether it was part of the lesson or whether they had done something bad. But I was aroused by the sight of it. When I lost my virginity to a servant girl years later, when I was fifteen, she asked me to spank her. I did, and she seemed to enjoy it. None of this explains why I enjoy it, however.”

Sophie smiled. “Actually, Zach, it explains perfectly. You had so little control of your own life. It makes perfect sense that you would want to exert control in the one place that you could—the bedchamber.”

“That makes a little bit of sense, but now I own my own theatre. I have complete control over everything in my life.”

“But you didn’t always. You were dependent on others for your very existence for much of your life. That is when our psyches are formed. I no longer have Ally taking beatings for me, but somehow I seem to feel guilty for all that she took all those years ago, and it makes me crave them now.”

“Well, as I said, that’s just a theory.”

“And while you have a lot of control now, you still don’t have total control. When you were framed for Nanette’s murder, you didn’t have control, even though you knew you were innocent. Perhaps that is why you went so far today.”

Zach furrowed his brow. Was this making sense to him?

“Perhaps,” he said finally. “But again, just a theory.”

“Yes.” She smiled. “They are just theories.”

“I suppose what is important, Sophie, is that we both have something the other person needs.” He ran a soft cloth between her breasts. “The truth is…I have very intense feelings for you.”

Sophie shivered. Was the water getting cold? No, it was still nice and warm. The shivering came from the inside. “I have feelings for you too. You must know that I would not have been intimate with you if I hadn’t sensed something special in you.”

“I do know that. And the fact of the matter is…” He drew in a breath. “I have fallen in love with you, Sophie MacIntyre.”