My Kind of Forever (Beaumont 5)

“Because they all want is his dick,” JD throws it out there as if it’s a common occurrence – me being propositioned.

“JD, seriously? Sex sells, you know that. Trixie is playing off them damn photos.” I throw my hands up in frustration. I don’t mind doing duets, but not with Layla and not after the fight with Josie.

“Do you think its Trixie or Moreno making the call?” Harrison asks.

JD and I say “Moreno” at the same time and Harrison agrees with us.

“So, are you gonna take your shirt off then?” JD asks, and I shake my head.

“Never have and can’t say that I will unless Josie is front and center and I’m singing to her.”

Even when I’m home in Beaumont and performing, I don’t take my shirt off. My tattoo is for her, and her alone.

Everything happens for a reason. You may not know the reasoning at the time, but eventually it comes to light. Two days ago, I found out that the baby Liam and I have been planning to adopt for months is no longer ours. Meredith, the mom, changed her mind. I get it, I do. A school counselor brought up adoption when I was pregnant with Noah. She was trying to encourage me to stay in school. I never planned to drop out, just live at home until I could graduate. My parents were there to help. I know not everyone is as lucky as I am, but that’s where I thought I could help Meredith. I should’ve known, though. She never let me buy her anything.

I roll over and shut my alarm off before the offending buzzer can jar my already awake body. Sleep has eluded me since Aubrey told me the news. I thought that I’d be more upset, but the fact of the matter is I’m not, and that scares the shit out of me. I should be beside myself with grief, crying my eyes out in agony over the heartache I feel. But all I can tell myself is that this child wasn’t meant to be ours. Still, I have a room full of stuff that he needs, and I plan to give it to him.

My phone rings and Liam’s face appears. I slide the screen open and there he is, my husband. The one I have vowed to love, honor and cherish, and apparently lie to. I haven’t told him about the baby and Meredith. I can’t, at least not over the phone. Right now I feel like we’re Humpty Dumpty and one push will break us. It needs to be done face-to-face, in person, not over the computer or phone. I want to hold him when I tell him the news.

“Good morning,” he says right before he brings a mug of what I’m assuming is coffee to his lips.

“Morning,” I say, as I stretch. He leans forward, trying to get a peek. Unfortunately for him, there’s nothing to see. Since he made a comment about my boobs looking bigger, I’ve kept them hidden. I don’t want to tell him that I’ve been standing in front of the mirror each time I go to the bathroom to see if, in fact, they are.

“What are you doing today?”

“Well, I’m going to take a shower –”

“And think of me?”

I roll my eyes. “Is that all you think about?”

Liam nods since I’ve caught him mid drink. “Yes, babe. Every freaking minute because I haven’t been able to touch you and it’s driving me nuts.”

“You know this isn’t the first time you’ve been away.”

“I know. I missed you then as well, but this time it’s worse because I have downtime and you know how I hate having downtime.”

“I know. Anyway, after my shower, I’m going with Katelyn to take the kids to the cemetery and then we’re going to the park.” I don’t tell him that I’m meeting with Aubrey to fill out some paperwork. Meredith is required to pay us back for the expenses she incurred while contracted with us. The girl doesn’t have any money and part of me feels we should just let it go, but the other part thinks this would be a good life lesson.

“I need to call Noah later.”

“I’ll have him call you when we get to the park. I’m picking him up at Nick’s.”

“Okay, go take your shower and think about my hands all over your body.”

“I always do,” I tell him as I blow him a kiss.

“Love you, babe.”

“Love you, too.”

The screen goes blank and the room fills with silence. I wish Noah were here, but I understand Nick’s view on having him at his house for a few days. I have things to deal with that Noah just won’t understand.

Crawling out of bed, my legs ache. These past few days I’ve been sleeping far too long, even if it’s restless. Passing through my half empty closet, I remind myself to ask Liam for a date as to when he’s coming home. I need him here, and if he thinks home is going to become Los Angeles, he needs to tell me so we can figure things out. It’ll suck, but he’ll have to travel back and forth. He did it after he found out about Noah, and he can do it again. Although, I just want him back in Beaumont with us.

I stop in front of the mirror and lift my shirt over my head. I angle myself to see if I can see what he’s talking about. I don’t want to acknowledge that I’ve gained weight. I haven’t been to the gym in almost a month, and clearly it’s starting to show. I add calling Xander to my list of things to do today.

I step into the shower built for two and blast the hot water. It burns my chilled skin, but it’s a welcomed pain, reminding me that I still feel something. The more I think about the baby, the more it makes sense. Liam and I never discussed names. Neither of us brought it up. When I came across his grandfather’s name I thought it would be a good name, something to carry on. But I also thought Liam would insist we were naming the baby Mason, and he never did.