American Honey

“Looks like Ashley’s busy tonight.”

My eyes follow hers to Kasey standing on the dock, drinking with Harrison. They’re sitting on the edge throwing a line in the water with empty cans surrounding them, the cans a product of a lot of fishing, not a lot of catching, and a lot of shooting the breeze happening tonight between two friends.

Part of me wants to turn around and leave because I know where tonight’s going. He’ll want to fuck me because his precious girl’s busy. She’s still a virgin too and he keeps her that way.

If only she knew what he was doing to her. He’s destroying her because if she ever finds out, her world is shattered. I should know, I was her once. But not anymore. I’m the complete opposite now, someone who can never go back to that “good girl” status thanks to guys like Kasey.

We join them on the dock, for what I’m not sure other than a direct result of our complete boredom. It takes Kasey a 6-pack and two hours and he’s begging to take me upstairs. I’m not feeling it, I see through him and I don’t want it anymore.

I shove him away and make my way to the bonfire down by the dock. I’m surprised to see Callan there with what looks to be a few friends he hasn’t seen in a while. There isn’t shit to do in this town so it’s not all that surprising to see him here, it’s the same people who congregate at these gatherings. A group of friends hoping to spark a fire somewhere, anywhere, in this town just for a few moments of excitement. It’s frustrating seeing him here though after our encounter earlier.

Part of searching for that spark is that you can drink yourself to pieces. Even at seventeen. I should know. I try and it never works out the way I plan.

I take a seat in a white plastic chair near the trees. On one side of the fire there’s Kasey and him sulking that I won’t scratch his itch tonight. On the other side is Callan and his buddies. He’s not even acting like I’m here, but he knows I am because I see the way his eyes shift to mine when he thinks no one is looking. Yeah, I’ve got your number bull rider. Whether he knows it or not, it’s my turn to try for that eight second ride tonight.

There’s a girl about the same height as him standing next to him. I’m assuming it’s his sister by the way she has her arms wrapped around him.

“You’re my favorite brother, Callan.” Dani says, clinging to his side.

“You say that to all of us.” He says, laughing but hugging her. There’s a bond there that even a four-year absence in time isn’t breaking. He’s close with his family.

“Yeah,” Dani smiles, blue eyes that match her brother plead with him, “but this time I mean it.”

“Uh huh.” Callan removes his keys from his pocket. He makes her jump of few times to reach them, but eventually hands them to her. She takes them and leaves.

Across the fire, his eyes are on mine. I feel them even when I’m not looking. When I do, his cobalt blues dip to the ground never giving me the sight I want.

His friend beside him points to me, more than likely saying something vulgar. I can already guess what he’s saying. Callan discards whatever it is and turns away giving me a view of his back.

Twenty minutes later, Dani’s back and hands his keys to him. In that twenty minutes I’ve stayed exactly where I was earlier, that white chair. I might not move the rest of the night. Jessie’s gone, she found someone she hadn’t seen in a long time but promised to be back in a little while. I’m not worried. She never breaks a promise.

My eyes follow Dani as she approaches me walking around the fire and to my left. Dani and I’ve had a couple classes together, she’s the only James kid left around these parts. She doesn’t talk to many people and I can’t say I’ve ever had any interactions with her. Until now.

She saw me watching Callan from across the fire.

“So you’re into my brother, it app

ears.” She says, sitting down in the empty chair next to me.

“I’m pretty transparent.” My legs are crossed and I’m leaning away from her, but I give her my attention. And the only reason I do is because she’s his sister and I kinda want to hear what she has to say.

Dani looks at me, her eyes assessing and already judging. “I’m only telling you this because I want you to leave him alone.” It shocks me how blunt she is but I’m not surprised after being around Callan. He’s the same way. “He’s trying to keep focused and he doesn’t need someone like you around. He’s been through enough.”

She is probably right about it, but it’s not going to stop me.

I give her a nod, it’s not convincing her and she knows it.

“You remember Katie Thomas, right?”

I nod, remembering the shy girl from my freshman English class who left town abruptly right after the James’ brothers did.

Dani sighs, then takes a drink from the plastic cup in her hands as she continues. “Well, she was raped when she was sixteen. We all knew who it was but it wasn’t like a girl like Katie would actually tell anyone who did that to her. Being the mayor’s daughter and all, she basically freaked out and blamed it on Reed and Callan who were eighteen and twenty-one at the time. She said they both raped her one night at a party. My brothers have always been trouble. But they’d never do something like that. Ever. That year was the first year Callan rode as a pro and Reed was competing for the championship. It was right before World Finals and Reed lost his championship and was suspended from competition for six months. Same with Callan. Then the little hooker comes out some six months later and said she lied, then left town, but it was too late at that point. The damage was already done.”

“How come they haven’t been back since if everyone knows she lied?”

Dani gives me a look, one that has me regretting the question. “Would you come back after something like that?” There’s a part of her that seems uninterested in the conversation by that point and looks as if she’s going to stand up, her hands on the arms of the chair, body leaned forward.

“Probably not…Why is he back now?”