American Honey

It wasn’t long before I was back in the living room. He was sitting in front of the fire putting in a another log. I opened the second bottle of wine and poured us both a new glass. “That last question was my queue to leave. I’m not very open, if you didn’t notice.”

He turned his attention to me when he sat back down and picked up his glass. “Do I make you nervous?”

I bit down on my lip and nodded. “Maybe a little.”

“When I walked up on that porch and saw you standing there, with those wet clothes stuck to your body, I thought you were the sexiest woman I’d ever seen. I knew there was no chance in hell that you’d be interested, plus I really need a roof over my head for the night, so I’ve been trying my hardest to be a gentlemen. I’ve gotta tell you though, sitting here with you is getting harder by the second. Now, I’ve got no problem going over there on that other couch and giving you your space, but if this attraction is mutual I’d like for you to let me know. If I see you lick your lips one more time I might have to kiss you.”

I opened my mouth to speak but nothing came out. A fire ignited between my legs, and all I could think about was his lips touching mine. My breathing increased and I crossed my legs to try to distract the feeling of losing control over my actions. “I…”

“You’re interested.” It was as if he was answering for me, like he already knew I was crumbling.

He was convinced that I wanted him, and I had no idea how to respond. “I never said that.”

“You don’t have to, Erica. I’ve been around enough women to know when a beautiful lady is attracted to me. I’m not trying to put you on the spot, and certainly after everything we’ve been through tonight I’m not trying to push myself on you. I’m just stating that the attraction is mutual. Look, my years of beating around some bush to get laid are over. I’m an adult and I know what I want. There is nothing wrong with being confident.”

“Get laid? I’ve never…”

“You can call it whatever you want.”

It wasn’t the word. It was the fact that I’d never just slept with someone. I’d been involved with them first, gotten to know them for long periods of time where we courted each other. Then, when the time was right we’d be intimate.

Reed reached over and took the glass out of my hand. I looked down as he scooted his body closer to me, and took my hands into his. A hint of cologne, or maybe deodorant caught my senses. He’d been outside in the rain, and yet still smelled fantastic. I stared at the tags hanging from his neck, unable to look him in the eyes. It was immature, and I couldn’t understand why he was still trying to pursue me when I was acting like a teenager. “Erica, look me in the eyes.”

It was hard, but I looked up and met his stare. In those eyes was something so passionate, so unwritten. I wanted to know what it would be like to fall to the floor and let him ravage me. I could feel my body shaking while I searched for the words to respond to him. “Sorry, this is -. I’m just not -.” I couldn’t bring myself to admit out loud that I was in uncharted waters. “I’m afraid.”

He brushed the hair hanging down over my shoulders and placed it behind my ear. “Of what?”

“This,” I whispered. “Being with someone older.”

He leaned forward, never taking his eyes off of mine. His lips touched the corner of my mouth as he spoke. “Don’t be afraid of me. I’m not trying to freak you out. I find you so attractive. Is it wrong for me to want to explore that body of yours?”

I was focusing on breathing more than his words.

“Have you ever received hours and hours of pleasure? Have you ever had a lover that fulfilled every single one of your fantasies?”

He wanted to give me pleasure, and I was only focused on taking my next breath and not passing out. I’d always been terrible with confrontations, and this was like no other time before it. This was powerful. While my mind fought my body to answer, I closed my eyes and pictured what it would be like to let go of everything I stood for. “I can’t do something like that.” As the words rolled off my tongue I hated myself. As much as I wanted to lose control, I knew I wouldn’t be able to. He was still a stranger; someone that I’d just met hours before. There was no way I could take off my clothes and give myself to him without freaking out.

Reed backed away from me, and for a moment I thought he was going to stand up. “You can’t, or you don’t want to?”

“It’s the same.”

“No,” he shook his head as he answered. “It’s not.”

“Either way it means that nothing is going to happen.”

He grabbed my hand and pulled it up to his lips, while giving me those eyes again. “Answer the question. You can’t, or you don’t want to?”

I opened mouth and closed it before I could say anything. He had me right where he wanted me. As much as I wanted to stand my ground, I could feel it falling beneath me.

“Erica.” He took his hand and rubbed his fingers over my lips. I closed my eyes as he spoke softly. “We’re just two people. Let go of what you think you know.” I kept my eyes closed, but parted my lips as his fingers continued to brush across them. “This isn’t like a relationship where you have to impress the person you’re dating. You can be yourself, completely, without fear. You can take what you want, and not expect repercussions.”

I opened my eyes and looked right at him. “That’s the thing, Reed, I’m petrified. This idea of yours isn’t going to happen. As much as I appreciate the compliments, and everything else you’ve done, I simply can’t let myself be someone that I’m not. Those morals that you tell me to let go of make me who I am. Trust me when I say that you may possibly be the sexiest man I’ve ever laid eyes on. Those muscles, and the tattoo on your back caught my attention immediately, but they are superficial. I have standards, and there is no way I’m sleeping with a man that I just met, even if we sit up for the next twenty four hours telling each other everything about ourselves. It’s not happening.” My racing heart let me know that I had to leave the room. There was no way I could face him after what I’d just said. I stood without regard for how close we were sitting. I started to move away, but reached over and grabbed the wine first. It was going to be a long night and I needed something to help me sleep.

“Where are you going? There’s a damn hole in the roof. Don’t be crazy.”

I kept walking. “The back room has a different roof line. I’ll survive.”

When I made it up to the bedroom I locked the door. The last thing I needed was him coming in and provoking me to go along with his convoluted plan to seduce me. It wasn’t going to work, and I’d be even more frustrated over it.