Lost in You (Lost in You 1)
We follow his mom into church. I try to ignore the stares and whispers and wonder if Ryan is listening. If he is, does he care? I pray that he doesn’t, because this is peanuts compared to what things will be like if we were to be seen in someplace like New York.
We stop short when his friend, Dylan, steps in front of us. She looks upset. Her hands are resting on her hips and her eyes are red. It looks as if she’s been crying.
“I can’t believe you brought her here after you told me yes.”
CHAPTER 21
Ryan
I freeze when Dylan stops in front of us. I never got a chance to tell Hadley about the stupid dance. No, that’s not right. I had many chances, but couldn’t bring myself to say the words. Deep down I have a feeling I’ve done something wrong. Every time the words were ready to come out, my heart feels as if it’s squeezing, cutting off my circulation. I don’t know what’s going to happen when I tell Hadley, but my gut is telling me that she’s going to be hurt.
Dylan stands in front of us. She looks stiff, nothing like the Dylan I’m used to. Her eyes are dark, heavy with make-up. She tried this look once before and I told her it made her look scary, only I can tell she’s been crying. She looks at Hadley and back to me, her eyes becoming wet.
I look at Hadley as she pulls away, joining my mom in a pew. My mom nods to Dylan and looks at the side door. I suppose that means I need to talk to Dylan, but what do I say? I’d rather sit with Hadley through the sermon and deal with Dylan later. I turn around and walk back down the aisle toward the side door with Dylan following.
She slams the door and pushes me, her fists clenched. “What is she doing here?”
I step away from her and her flying fists, waiting for her to calm down. I’ve never seen her like this. Dylan crosses her arms and stares out the window. I wait, but hope that she gets on with whatever her issue is because I want to get back to Hadley.
“Ryan?”
“Yeah?”
“You said you’d take me to Homecoming.”
“And I will.”
“But you’re still going to see her?”
I run my hand through my hair and sigh. Maybe this is why I’ve never had a girlfriend, because this is all complicated. Did agreeing to take Dylan to a dance mean we were now a couple? Because if that’s the case it’s not what I meant.
”Why would I stop seeing her? I like her.”
Dylan turns and shakes her head. She presses her face into her hands. I don’t know if I should reach out and touch her shoulder or what, so I just stand here with my hands stuffed into my pockets.
She walks to the door and opens it, leaving me rooted in my spot. She turns and looks at me and doesn’t say anything before walking back into the church. I scratch my head, wondering why I had to come back here if she wasn’t going to talk.
I also wonder what is going on with her.
I quietly close the door behind me and walk to the pew where my mom and Hadley are sitting. They are right next to each other, sharing a Bible. I can’t help but smile. I sit down next to Hadley and pull her hand into mine. She looks over at me briefly and smiles before giving her attention to my mom. I think this one time I’m okay with not being the focus of her attention because when I lean forward I see my mom smile – and that is a sight I want to see every day.
Sitting through this sermon is torture. I think this is why mom suggested Hadley come, to teach us a lesson. I think about plugging my ears, but I’m not sure that would go over too well. Instead I listen to Reverend Monroe talk about the sins of sex before marriage and I start thinking that while this may put my mom’s mind at ease, it only spurs mine.
I don’t think Sally Stone would be too happy to find out her son now wants to test the waters after listening to Reverend Monroe go on and on about the pleasures of sex between a man and a woman, even if he’s telling the young members of the congregation that we should wait.
When he finishes speaking there are snickers from the younger members. I have a feeling his message of abstinence didn’t hit home like he thought it would. I look around and spot Dylan, who is glaring at me. I try to grin, but clearly that is the wrong thing to do. She stands and walks out of the church. A few people turn and look when the door slams. This, of course, catches my mom’s attention. She looks down and shakes her head before standing and greeting other parishioners like she’s never met them before.
I pull Hadley up, leading her out of the aisle toward the basement door. I can’t sneak her into the utility closet this time, even though all these thoughts are running through my head, courtesy of Reverend Monroe. I’m tempted to find out just what her skin feels like against mine. If it’s as pleasurable and sinful as he described. This is a sin I’m willing to commit, but I doubt she’ll let me.
When I look back, she’s staring at me. For a moment I think her eyes sparkle, but I know that’s ridiculous – it’s the light from the stained glass window shining just right against her, making her beauty stand out. I’ve never seen someone so pretty, at least not like her. I’ve never thought of Dylan as pretty, I guess maybe she is. I know guys at school think she is, but to me she’s just Dylan. But when I look at Hadley, I want to get lost in her as if she’s my salvation.
She pushes me forward, shaking her head and laughing. I’m not sure I’ll ever get used to the way I feel when I look at her, or the way she makes me feel. I suppose if I don’t, it’s something I can look forward to each time I see her or am in a room with her. This feeling, it’s not something I want to go away.
Hadley wraps her hand around my forearm and leans into me. I like this. I like the way she’s being with me here. But I know this is only because we're away from others and somewhat secluded. No one has headed toward the social gathering in the basement, but they will soon.
I’m surprised to find Dylan downstairs when we get there. She looks at me briefly before turning away. She’s putting out the cookies, which is something I usually help her with. Hadley grabs my hand and drags us over to the table.
“Hi, Dylan.”