Choose Me (The Archer Brothers 2)

Son, Brother, Friend

Proud to Serve

Nowhere does it say anything about being a boyfriend, fiancé or a father. My mother did this, driving an even bigger wedge between us. She said it was tacky adding that he was a fiancé and especially a father when he wasn’t. It didn’t matter how hard I fought, I couldn’t get her to change her mind. Evan wouldn’t have wanted his marker to be like this.

“Shit’s crazy, man,” I say out loud. I want others to hear me, especially those who don’t get visitors. I may be here to talk to my brother, but the other guys buried here can listen.

“I’ve been gone for over a month training for deployment and we didn’t fire our guns once. We sat out in the desert and contemplated the life of tumbleweeds. I don’t know…” I pause and look around. There are a few people here, wives mostly. “We didn’t debrief either. Seems odd and I can’t shake the feeling that something’s up.”

I sit down, pulling my knees up and resting my hands over them. “I can’t imagine how much EJ has changed since I’ve been gone. I hate leaving them, Evan, but she tells me to go. I thought about taking a desk job. You know, asking Carole for a recommendation or something, but I wouldn’t be happy and Ryley knows that. I’m deploying soon. I just found out and have to tell her when I get home. I don’t even want to see the look on her face, or to tell EJ that I have to go away for eighteen months.

“This war, it’s ugly. We’re fighting and when we think we’ve made headway, another group pops up and everything we’ve accomplished seems to be thrown to the wayside. They don’t care about their country or their families. They only care about hurting people and destruction.

“Livvie and Mom are doing okay. I just wish things were different. Getting Mom to accept anything is like taking candy from a two year old. It’s sad, but I’m not even looking forward to telling her that I’m leaving. I don’t care if she comes down to say goodbye or not, because when she’s here she stresses Ryley out and I do enough of that for the both of us.

“While I was gone, I started thinking back to high school. Life was so much easier and our biggest worry was any upcoming game we had or making sure we didn’t track mud into the house. Sometimes I want to go back to those days and pretend that 9-11 didn’t happen, and that we didn’t change our course. Losing you and Dad, both in combat, it makes me stop and think. I love my country, but I love my family too and sometimes I think they should come first.

“EJ will be starting school this year. He’s a walking, talking mini version of you. I think he’ll enlist when he’s older, and that scares me. Ryley doesn’t say anything, but I know she’s thinking about it. I don’t remember playing ‘Army’ when we were kids. I don’t know, maybe we did. He does it all the time because it’s what he knows. Maybe before I go home I’ll get him a destroyer and teach him to play Battleship, steer him on the right path if he’s going to enlist. I just can’t lose him, too. He’s my last link to you and Dad and I don’t know what I’d do without him in my life.”

I lie back in the grass with my arms behind my head. Evan and I did this once after our father died. We stayed with him the night he was buried so he wouldn’t be alone. When the sun rose that next morning, I realized that I had never closed my eyes.

When Evan died, I didn’t leave for a week.

“Losing you, Evan, changed everything.”

A FEW MORE BEACHGOERS arrive as bonfires are started and music is played. I sit next to Ryley while EJ plays a few feet in front of us. Deefur lies next to him watching his every move. Deefur has turned out to be the dog I thought he would be, a protector and best friend. The sun, still blazing and far from setting, keeps us shrouded in daylight. It’s almost a perfect day if only life wasn’t looming over us. There’s still the ongoing uncertainty of what’s going to happen to us and finding out how everything went to shit when we went on that mission.

I can’t keep putting off my own investigation. River says we should wait, but waiting only gives the people at the top more time to bury the truth. He’s the luckiest of us all. His wife never thought he was dead, or she just lived in denial. When he arrived home, he was welcomed with open arms while the rest of us struggled. There’s still the matter of our other team members and why only four of us were sent on the mission.

Far too many questions linger without enough answers.

/> Ryley leans her head on my shoulder and I slouch down to make her more comfortable. Being on the beach, it’s as if we’re the only people in the world that exist. It’s as if the moment we start packing up and heading to the car, reality shines like a high wattage flashlight right in our path, reminding us that we can’t see what’s coming. Nate. Finding out what happened to us. Learning who’s responsible. They’re all catalysts for our destruction.

Deefur adjusts to sitting and stares at the kids down the beach. His growl is just loud enough to alert me that he doesn’t like something. I look around, trying to be as subtle as I can. Ryley doesn’t hear Deefur or she’d say something. Nothing looks out of the ordinary, but that doesn’t mean my senses aren’t heightened. Dogs are great at signaling when something isn’t right.

“EJ,” I yell. He turns his head, looking at me over his shoulder. “Why don’t you build this way? You’re getting too far.”

“Okay, Eban.” And just like that he turns toward us and starts his digging adventure. Deefur cocks his head slightly, alternating between looking down the beach and watching EJ before turning his focus back on the people not too far from us.

Eban. Him saying my name instead of “Dad” or “Daddy” makes me think. I’m waiting for Ryley to say something, but I’m not sure how long I’m willing to wait. I’m his father, dead or not. He needs to know the truth, and it’s better now than later.

“Should we think about heading home?” I’m reluctant to leave, but Deefur has me on edge.

“No, home is messy. The beach is serene and calm. Besides, EJ is having fun and we’re here as a family. Why do you want to go home?”

I can’t tell her that the dog has me concerned and that he thinks that there’s a threat here. I don’t want her to panic. The other night was enough. After spending time with River, Frannie, Rask and McCoy, we’re all on edge. There’s a fear we all carry. Someone doesn’t want us alive and they know we’re not going to stop until we figure out why. That puts our families in danger, and causes a lot of sleepless nights for me.

Shrugging, I try to play it off. Truth is, I want to pack her and EJ up and head to Washington for a while. I’d like to visit some of my father’s old Navy buddies and see if they can help. I figured the retired vets who are still working might have a better chance at uncovering something even though I know Carole is going to use her resources. I can’t let Ryley’s mom risk her career or her life for me.

I kiss Ryley on the head and stand, a ruse so I can change positions without having to ask her to move. I sit behind her and she immediately falls into my arms.

“Are you cold?” I ask as she pulls her long sleeves over her hands.

She shakes her head. “No, I just got a chill. It’s passed now.” Ryley rests her head on my arm and her back against my chest. This is perfection. At least it is for me.

“I’ve been meaning to talk to you about Livvie moving in. I know you said it’s fine, but you also said she and my mother haven’t treated you very well since my…” I can’t bring myself to say the word death out loud. Being gone for six years is nothing compared to hearing that your family thinks you’re dead. “If you’re not comfortable with her being there, I’ll ask her to leave.”

Ryley sighs. “She’s good with EJ.”