Rushed: Christopher (The Four 4.50)
“Rush,” Christopher said softly. “You can take them back… the things you said this morning. It’s okay, really. I… I need you to take them back.”
His request caught me off guard. Was he trying to give me an out? Did he really think anything he’d said had changed how I felt about him?
“Why?” I asked carefully.
He didn’t answer at first. For a while I thought he wouldn’t. But when he did finally speak, his words dropped me right between heaven and hell.
“Because I can’t do it. I can’t look you in the eye and tell you what happened this morning wasn’t real. So I need you to do it. I need you to be the strong one.”
CHAPTER TEN
CHRISTOPHER
It took a while for the fog of sleep to lift, which was a strange thing for me, probably because I didn’t sleep well to begin with. But something about the softness of my bed felt different this morning. I could hear birds chirping, and a soft, cool breeze tickled my feet where they were sticking out from beneath the bedding. Any other morning, I probably would have enjoyed it.
No, that wasn’t true.
I never opened the windows or drew back the curtains. I liked the darkness… it kept me grounded.
It keeps you from thinking about everything you’re going to leave behind…
I sighed and rolled on my back but didn’t make any effort to get up and shut the window or pull the curtains shut. My mind was already on the man who’d opened them in the first place.
I hadn’t expected him to stay. I hadn’t wanted him to stay because he would have just ended up being like the sunlight or the birds or the breeze.
Something I couldn’t have.
Not while I didn’t know what my future held.
I still couldn’t believe I’d told Rush everything.
Everything.
I’d even admitted that I was beginning to feel something for the older man. Something I’d been fantasizing about for a long time. In the days and weeks after the attack in the club, Rush had occupied a lot of real estate in my head. A lot more than he should have. I’d always attributed my feelings to hero worship, but from the moment I’d opened the door and literally seen the man of my dreams standing next to my uncle on my front porch, that dark place where I’d forced those memories to live over the past few years had lit up like embers. I’d tried to snuff them back out after Rush had left, but it hadn’t worked, and in the twenty-four hours since Rush had shown up on my doorstep a second time, every word he’d said, every touch of his fingers, had fueled those embers. And then his admission that he had feelings for me… well, those little embers had turned into a full-on inferno that I had no hope of coming back from.
I sighed and pulled in a deep breath, which served only to draw in Rush’s faint scent.
He hadn’t left the day before when I’d asked him to. He hadn’t left last night either.
I’d been glad for both, though I couldn’t have told him that. We’d ended up taking a nap together after breakfast. Around lunchtime, he’d woken me up much like he had that morning… with gentle caresses on my face, arms, and hands. They hadn’t been sexual in nature, but I hadn’t really known what to call them. It’d almost felt like he was reassuring himself that I was still there.
He’d made sandwiches for lunch, which we’d eaten in bed. We’d talked, but there’d been no mention of feelings or the past or future. Rush had simply asked me questions like what the most disgusting thing I’d ever eaten was and the best costume I’d ever worn for Halloween. My answer of Batman had been a game changer.
Rush was Team DC Comics.
Like me.
We’d spent the rest of the afternoon talking about the characters and exploring my vintage comic book collection that Rush had had to dig out of one of my many book boxes on the main floor of the house. Then the movie marathon had started. We’d stopped long enough to order a pizza and then we’d spent the next several hours with various members of the Justice League. I’d loved every moment of it, especially since I’d gotten to do it all from the safety of Rush’s embrace. I’d ended up falling asleep between movies, waking up only once during the night to find the TV off and Rush out cold with me sprawled on top of his chest and Pip asleep on his shoulder.
Both of Rush’s arms had been around me.
It had been heaven.
This morning meant it was time to come back down to earth. I’d already told the insurance company I processed claims for that I’d be off for a couple of days because of my hand, so I wasn’t really sure what to do with myself. I just knew I couldn’t do something that involved my bed… like staying in it all day and feeling sorry for myself.