Kiss and Cry

My heart constricted. “They are?”

“Are you kidding? You really have been holed up in here since early practice, haven’t you? He was like a speed skater out there. And the way Anton said he lost his shit the other day? He cares. Why would he be so protective of you of all people? You two are fighting for gold. But he was furious. Jealous even. With Anton I mean, not after the collision. I guess he thought you and Anton used to hook up?”

“Apparently.” Had Theo really been jealous? The thought shouldn’t have given me a thrill.

“And he thought Anton was an abusive boyfriend or something? I know Anton shouldn’t have told him anything, but Theo was so worried about you. Honestly, I didn’t think he had it in him.”

Joy truly shouldn’t have filled me at the idea that Theo worried about me, yet there it was warming my chest. I reminded myself he’d gone behind my back. He’d pressed on that bruise when I’d specifically told him not to.

It was intolerable that he knew. I’d worked so hard to lock away my humiliation and protect myself. Now I was vulnerable again. The joy evaporated. I wanted to vomit.

“Henry?” Hannah’s face creased. “You look woozy.”

“Is the picture really gone?”

She blinked in what seemed to be surprise. “What? You mean…? Yes! My cousin scoured that bastard’s phone and his outgoing messages in every app. To the best of my knowledge, he only sent it to Anton. We erased it from the cloud and factory reset his phone. Anton’s too. It’s been a few years now. I think you’re safe.”

Safe. I felt dangerously raw. I was an exposed nerve.

“If there’s something between you and Theo—”

“Please leave me alone.” My jaw clenched. My throat was too thick, and my eyes burned.

Face sorrowful, she backed away. “I’m sorry, Henry. We’re rooting for you tomorrow. So many people are.”

After the door closed, I stood frozen on the red and white throw rug. I couldn’t move. I could barely breathe. I was going to shatter into a million pieces, and I couldn’t allow it.

I would not allow it.

Tomorrow, I would skate the most important program of my life. I had to keep everything else locked away. I couldn’t allow myself to think about Theo. I couldn’t—

“Hey.”

I blinked. Theo somehow stood in the now open doorway. Had he even knocked? I had to order him to get out, out, out. I should never have said yes to him training in Toronto.

Should never have offered him rides. Never have let him into my home. Cooked for him and cared for him. Let him smile and laugh. Let him make me feel everything I’d blocked out for so long. I should never have been fooled into thinking I could turn off my emotions again.

Loathing him had been so much easier. This hurt, and I couldn’t stand it.

“Get. Out.” Jaw aching, my teeth ground together.

“No!” He closed the door. “Please. We have to talk.”

Fury boiled up, and I latched onto it desperately. “I believed you. You said you wouldn’t ask. Are you happy now? You know how pathetic I am.”

“What?” He shook his head, stepping toward me before stopping and fisting his hands at his sides. “I know that Anton and that Mike motherfucker were cruel assholes. That’s what I know.”

I scoffed. “I should have known better. It was all a joke. A bet. I should have realized no one would actually want to be with me.”

“They were the pathetic ones! And hello, didn’t the last month prove that I really want to be with you? Come on. Please.”

“Maybe that was all a joke too.” The words were like ground glass on my tongue.

Theo flinched as though I’d slapped him. “You don’t really—” His voice broke, and he cleared his throat. “You can’t really believe that.”

“Why not? I should never have trusted you. You want to beat me. You want to win gold. Maybe it was all pretend.”

His mouth tightened into a thin line. “Seriously? You don’t believe that.” He shook his head. “No way you actually believe that.”

He was right, but I couldn’t admit it.

Theo flung out his hands. “Was it pretend in Torino when I bawled my eyes out in your arms? What, you think I was faking being sad about Mr. Webber? Hey, maybe I arranged his death and it was all part of a long con to seduce you out of gold. Never mind the fact that I’ve beaten you every time we’ve competed head-to-head for the last two seasons! I don’t need to fuck you to beat you, Henry. I have an extra quad, remember?”

“How could I forget?” I spat, desperate not to think about Torino or any of it. “This was a mistake. All of it.”

His anger seemed to vanish. He swallowed hard, Adam’s apple bobbing. “Please don’t say that. I’m sorry I got the story out of Anton. I know I broke a promise, but I was dying to understand. To know you. Every part of you. I want to love every single part of you.”