Kiss and Cry

Her eyebrows flew up. “So this is your farewell to competition?”

“I guess I’m giving you the scoop. You heard it here first. Training at an elite level takes a ton of hard work and dedication, and I think I’m ready to move on to the next chapter of my life. Maybe I’ll change my mind in a month or two, but we’ll see.”

Janice nodded. “You can always change your mind, and I know the skating world will welcome you back to competition with open arms.” She joked, “Maybe not your top competitors so much, but you’re beloved by fans everywhere.”

We wrapped up the interview, and I headed back to the Village in a daze, walking the mile or so, my nose cold and my breath clouding in the crisp, dry air under a blue sky.

I honestly hadn’t been thinking beyond the Olympics. Worlds would be a few weeks after the Games, but many of the top skaters here would skip it. Having to come down after the biggest competition of our lives and then ramp back up only a few weeks later was brutal.

Win or lose, I wasn’t going. Was Henry? We hadn’t even discussed it. The Olympics had been our line in the sand, and who knew what would happen after. But apparently I’d just announced my retirement?

Fuck, my mom was going to freak. At least the interview wouldn’t air until tomorrow. Whatever. She could deal, because with each step I took, the instinct that this was right grew and grew.

I’d trained and competed my whole life, and I was done. I could still do shows and tours and hell, maybe I could try coaching. I loved kids.

And if Henry still wanted to compete—and undoubtedly he did since he loved training so much—great! I’d love to cheer him on. We could be a normal couple without all those elephants crowding us.

If he even wanted to be with me. God, had I really ruined everything between us?

Panicking, I dug out my phone and saw a text on the lock screen.

I’m proud of you.

My heart practically slammed right out of my chest. If I knew Henry—and I think I did now—he was talking about me standing up to my mom. I opened the phone with trembling, clumsy fingers. I wanted to say a million things in reply, but three words burned through me.

I love you.

I didn’t type them. But they echoed through my head and heart—my actual soul if I was being incredibly cheesy again. I loved him. God, I loved him so much.

I missed him and I wanted to be with him and never go behind his back again. Never upset him at all—although I surely would at some point no matter how hard I tried.

“I love you,” I said out loud to the sidewalk, a couple ahead glancing back with confusion. I said again, “I love you. I love you!”

But I couldn’t lay that on him the night before the Olympic free skate. It wouldn’t be fair. I knew he cared about me even after what I’d done. Did he love me though? I wasn’t sure.

Even if he did… No. I wanted to say it to his face, not like this. So what I typed was:

Thank you.

I could have said so much more, and I did tap out another long-ass message before backspacing until only those two words remained. In twenty-four hours, one of us would have the gold—unless we fucked up and Kuznetzov or Zhan or even Musetti swooped in for the win.

Whatever happened, in twenty-four hours it would be over. Were Henry and I over too?

Guess I had to be patient for once and wait to find out.

Chapter Nineteen

Henry

There was nothing or no one else but me, the ice, and “Moonlight Sonata.”

Taking my starting position with makeup concealing the mark on my cheek from the collision, a chorus of doubts clamored in my mind. I silenced them.

It didn’t matter that I was bruised in multiple places from the collision. It didn’t matter that this was the most important program of my life. This was simply another run-through like so many I’d done before. This was my moment. As Manon had instructed, I had to trust my training.

I was ready.

The piano might have been playing in my chest, I felt so connected to the melody. I had no doubt as I leapt into my quad toe. It was over in a blink, the landing perfect as I added the triple toe on the end.

Element after element, I flowed through the program, the music carrying me one moment and spurring me the next. Spread eagle into and out of my triple Axel, quad Sal, combination spin. More jumps. My feet barely felt like they touched the ice even as my deep edges carved a path.

Quad Lutz in the second half of the program.