Because of You (Because of You 1)

"Oh, please stop being so damn understanding," I said, my conscience attacking me.

“I can't help it," he snapped. "When you love someone, you're willing to overlook certain things."

"But you shouldn’t be! That's why love's bad!" I told him.

"No, that's why love's amazing. You wouldn't know anything about that, though, now would you? Have you ever loved anyone, Nicole? How can you judge so harshly a feeling you've never experienced for yourself?"

"I never want to experience it," I stated, standing up.

He made me feel terribly inadequate when he said that, and it made me mad. He made it sound like such a bad thing that I refused to love, like I made a hobby of kicking puppies or something. I had loved my mother, didn't that count? And maybe I had never loved someone the way she did, but I couldn't figure out why anyone would want to. To me, it seemed like a pretty terrible experience. It was love that drove my mother to kill herself and someone else, and any emotion that strong, that powerful... it wasn't a feeling I wanted to mess with.

He just didn't understand that because he was so sheltered, just a nice boy who had never encountered the terrible kind of love that my mother had the misfortune to come across. He may not know what it was about, but I did.

"I'm sorry," I said, looking down at him.

He shook his head, looking irritated with me. "You haven't given me a reason. I know there can't be someone else, because if you were leaving me for someone else you would have to love him, and you're too afraid of love to do that."

This caused me to frown. "I would not have to love him," I said without thought.

For someone who "knew it couldn't be someone else," he looked like I had just proven him right. "It is someone else," he stated.

I faltered. "I—No, I didn't say that."

"Who is he?" he asked.

"No, that's not what I said."

But he wasn't listening. "Who is it? Who's convinced you to do this?"

"No," I said, shaking my head again.

"Yes, someone did, I can tell by your reaction. Who is it?" he demanded.

He was making me incredibly nervous, and I didn't have any idea what was going to come flying out of my mouth next, so I kept it shut, just shaking my head.

"He's lying to you," Andy said, his eyes strangely bright. "Whatever he told you to convince you to do this... Don't you see, he's more of a threat than I am? I would never hurt you, Nicole. He will. Who is it? Who's trying to take you away from me?"

"Stop it!" I said.

"He's going to take advantage of you," Andy promised me. "He's going to hurt you, just like Mike hurt your mother."

"No he isn't," I blurted, then my eyes widened as I realized I’d just admitted there was someone else.

Andy nodded, his expression solemn. "I knew it. I knew there was someone else. I've been suspecting; I'm not stupid, but I was hoping you'd get over it."

"I have to go," I said quickly.

"Nikki, please think about this."

"Don't call me that!"

"He's using you, Nicole. Don't you see that? He knows I won't let him hurt you, that's why he's taking you away from me!"

I couldn't listen to another word, so I just shook my head, called one last, "I'm sorry," and quickly made my way toward Derek's car, not even caring at that point if Andy saw me get in.

As I slid into the passenger seat of Derek's car, still feeling rattled, I told him, "That was absolutely awful."

"I told you not to let him kiss you," Derek said with what appeared to be a mock pout.