Sinning in Vegas (Vegas Morellis 2)

She swallows and I can see by the way her chest works it must have taken quite a lot of courage to get that out. I tamp down my baser instincts, ignoring the pull of possessiveness, the irritation that Sin still matters to her so much that she would stay away from me just to avoid him. None of that is what she needs right now, and it won’t help me either. I dig deeper and tap into my empathy. Into the logical reasons why it’s better she tell me this than keep it a secret, even if it makes me want to punch Sin in the face and spank her straying little ass until she can’t sit down.

Instead of giving her the angry retort she’s braced for, I cradle her face in my hand. Her gaze jumps to me, her skittish blue eyes widening. “That’s all right,” I tell her. “Your heart is still tender. You invested some of it in him, and it didn’t work out. It was brave of you to even try; most women glean pretty quickly that Sin is a lost cause.” I’m losing her, so I switch gears and refocus. “The point is, I’m glad your heart is tender. I’m glad you’re strong enough to let people into it regardless. Anyone can be callous and afraid, hiding behind walls and keeping out anyone who may hurt them. It takes real courage to take that risk, to open yourself up to someone like him, someone like me, knowing you could get hurt. Even if you feel afraid, you don’t let fear stop you, Laurel. You offer yourself up and you grab for what you want, even if it’s scary. I admire the hell out of that. I’m glad that when you offer your heart to someone, you take it seriously.” Now I place my hand over her heart. “Because I know the same thing will be true when I’m the one it belongs to.”

5

Laurel

When it belongs to him, he says.

Not if, but when.

I like all his words, but in most of my experience with him, Rafe has always been good at saying the right thing. He’s almost too good at it, making it hard to trust. Can something that comes so easily be real? I know Rafe can spin bullshit effortlessly—so is he just bullshitting me?

He watches me for a moment, then looks down. “Can I tell you about the last time I gave my heart away?”

That surprises the hell out of me. Rafe doesn’t strike me as a man who shares his heartaches; he strikes me more as someone who pretends they never happened. A little off-kilter, I nod my head. “Of course.”

“Remember the half-naked blonde who was in my house the other day?”

Smiling faintly, I nod my head. “How could I forget?”

“Well, it was her. It was a long time ago, but she’s the last person I let myself really fall for. I had instincts early on that I was making a mistake, that she wasn’t what she portrayed herself as, but she made me feel things that I… that I just hadn’t felt in a long time. I convinced myself that my doubts were just bachelorhood pangs, old issues coming out to play. I dated more before Cassandra. I liked relationships because I enjoyed having a chance to really get to know my partner. Ordinarily, I don’t play the way I want to with hook-ups.”

“Like with me?”

“I played a little more with you than usual. I wouldn’t normally make a hook-up kneel for me. Most women do like it, regardless of whether or not they expect to, but it’s just not the sort of thing you do with a woman you won’t see again. To me, a good, healthy relationship with a submissive woman takes time to build. There should be an immediate connection, a sense that you could have something with that person, but the most important thing between a dom and his sub is her trust. Everything revolves around that, and two strangers rubbing up against each other in the night can’t have that. You need to be together in a relationship to attune yourselves to one another’s needs. With a one-nighter, you can experience that spark, that connection, that feeling of synchronicity like something could grow out of it, but without tending, the spark dies. I felt that with you over Easter, that’s why I asked you to Vegas in the first place. I wanted to prolong the feeling without committing. I haven’t had that with a lot of women since Cassandra. To be honest, as much as I enjoy it, I’ve avoided it and sought out casual hook-ups with women who weren’t right for me. I wouldn’t be tempted to keep them. Didn’t want to take that risk. To be clear, I was never like that before Cassandra.”

I nod my understanding. “Did she break your heart?”

His lips curve up faintly, like it’s funny. “Shattered it.”

Hit with a wave of tenderness, I reach up to touch his lips, wiping away the smile. “That’s not funny. Don’t play it off.”

“I don’t know if she ever even liked me, or I was just the most powerful person she could get her claws into at the time. I do know when a competitor with more power expressed interest, she left me like it was the easiest thing she’d ever done in her life. Like we were partners on a project in a class she no longer cared about passing, rather than two people in a committed relationship. I didn’t see it coming, and it made me question my judgment. How could I have such a strong connection with someone who was lying the whole time? I notice everything; how did I miss that? I still don’t know the answer.”

How could I have such a strong connection with someone who was lying the whole time?

Knowing he doesn’t know the truth about my time with Sin, I can’t believe he said something I relate to so completely. I felt all the things he’s mentioning—the spark, the synchronicity, the connection so real I would stake my heart on it… and it all turned out to be bullshit. Absent-minded manipulation on his p

art, while I was falling in love.

Sighing, I tell Rafe, “Love makes fools of us all. Sometimes you see what you want to see instead of what’s there. If you believe something hard enough, it feels like the truth, even if it’s utter bullshit.”

Nodding once, he says, “Yeah, well, our relationship was definitely bullshit, but it was bullshit I believed in. Since then, I’ve played my way with women I know like it, but can do it casually, or I have vanilla hook-ups with women I know I won’t be tempted to keep. Cassandra was my last serious girlfriend. Anyway, the point is, I survived that and I’m still here, and I’m sure you’ve survived heartache before. You only knew Sin for a few days. You’ll be over him before you know it.”

It felt like longer.

I don’t tell Rafe that, for obvious reasons. There’s little point telling him I had a stronger connection with the jerk who didn’t actually care about me than guys I had full-fledged relationships with. Maybe it was just because Sin is more on my level. Maybe my level is closer to theirs, and I just never knew. Perhaps that’s why I’ve never been fully stimulated by run-of-the-mill guys. I guess I was just waiting around for a dominant sociopath to notice me.

“What’s funny?” Rafe inquires, watching my face.

I hadn’t noticed I was smiling, but I guess I am. I shake my head. “Nothing. Just wondering how I got this fucked up.”

The corners of his mouth tug upward. “How fucked up?”

“I’m in the house of Chicago’s most ruthless criminal, standing in a bedroom with a Vegas boss whose baby I’m carrying, talking about the murderous enforcer I got tangled up with.” I don’t even bother adding that said murderous enforcer kidnapped me, since Rafe doesn’t know that. Definitely can’t be specific about him tying me to the bed and fucking my mouth.

A pang of arousal strikes me, so I shove those thoughts away. That’s not helpful, dammit. I need to stop being turned on by thoughts of Sin. Thoughts of that horrible night should be enough to dampen any arousal, but instead I just think of how I felt when he grabbed my wrists and backed me up against the wall, mid-heartbreak. I still wanted the asshole to fuck me. Even as he ripped my heart out, I wanted him to claim it—and me—for himself.