Knockout (Tapped Out 4)

“Not your fault, baby girl.” He smiled tiredly. “I’m sorry for where my mind goes every time you’re late too.”

Lance didn’t have to say anything else. We both knew he was referring to what had happened to Lily’s mother, which was more effective than shouting.

He moved past me into the hall. A moment later, his bedroom door clicked shut.

I didn’t move toward Lily. I couldn’t. My feet were frozen to the floor.

She sat back on her heels and brushed her hand over her face. If I saw her tears again, I didn’t know what I would do.

Lily wasn’t a crier. The only time I’d seen her get teary was the day her dad had brought me home for the first time. From her sympathetic expression, I knew he’d told her some sanitized version of what had happened to my dad. Or maybe not so sanitized, because he’d never pulled punches with her.

I could still remember the question she’d asked me like it was yesterday. In my head, it was.

“You lost your parent too?”

We’d bonded right away after that. I don’t think we’d had much of a choice. Fate or circumstance or just good luck had somehow pushed us together, and I’d been fighting her pull on me almost ever since.

Now that I’d finally stopped fighting it—at least begun to stop fighting it—I didn’t know how I was supposed to let her go.

Drawing in a deep breath, I crossed the room to her and placed my hand on her lower back. She stiffened and I closed my eyes, hating how we’d gone from closer than close to miles apart in such a short time.

“I know you’re worried about this,” I said softly.

“Worried?” She let out a broken laugh. “He asks so little of me. All he wants is for me to let him know if I’ll be late so he knows I’m safe. How can I be so selfish?”

“You’re the furthest thing from selfish. You just lost track of time. You weren’t trying to hurt him, and you weren’t doing anything except enjoying yourself.”

“Fun is one thing. But maybe I’m being reckless. I’ve already hurt him unintentionally. Imagine how he will feel when he finds out what’s going on.” She squeezed her eyes shut and bent her head, shutting me out without using the words.

My chest tightened. If she was being reckless—hell, if I was—maybe we both needed to be. We’d lived overly cautious lives for so long. Rarely coloring outside the lines. Not wanting to anger Lance or make him concerned. He’d suffered so much already that Lily felt duty-bound not to cause her father a moment’s anxiety. I suppose I felt the same.

Lily was Lance’s little girl. It didn’t matter how old she was chronologically. And he was going to be way beyond stressed when he found out what his little girl was up to.

So what was I supposed to do? Be her friend and agree that she was playing a dangerous game? Even if her father never found out, it probably wouldn’t end well. From all I’d seen, keeping a functional relationship going with two people was nearly impossible. With three, it seemed like pure insanity.

That wasn’t even mentioning the stigma her father would likely face in his precinct if his fellow cops heard Lance’s daughter was involved with two men. The police tended to be a more traditional bunch. What we were doing didn’t fit.

Or I could be her lover, and tell her to screw everyone else, they didn’t matter. What we’d somehow found behind closed doors was the only thing that made sense. I’d rather hide than give her up this soon.

She cleared her throat and lifted her head, pinning me with her painfully direct stare. “I think you’d better go home.”

I nodded and took a step back. While I was still searching for the right response, she’d obviously made up her mind.

“If you want to talk…”

“Now you want to talk.” Her smile was bittersweet. “Where were you before?”

I knew she was right. I’d been shutting her out long before that first night at JC’s. She didn’t know why, though, and telling her now would just make her doubt everything I said.

She thought I was a guy who liked getting laid and wanted it to continue. Not a guy who’d been in love with her for so long I could barely remember the time before.

“You know where to find me.” I turned to go.

Her low voice scarcely reached me. “No, I don’t.”

Inside me, everything went tight and hot. Because some part of me knew she was right. As close as we’d always been, some time ago a wedge had been driven between us—one I’d created.

And now it was coming home to roost.